I returned after a trip down
south on Deepavali day. My mind was filled with precious memories of my trip
and I did not feel the urge to celebrate Deepavali. My Deepavali had already
been celebrated in the very place where I grew up when a good number of us
gathered to celebrate my maternal uncle’s 80th birthday. And the
cousins who hosted the function made it memorable. For the three days I spent
in my maternal grandfather’s house I forgot that I was married and lead a life
of my own in far off Jamshedpur. My career and the promotion that still eludes
me did not matter.
My mama and mami certainly
deserved better. When my mother was widowed at the age of forty and moved into
her maternal home my maternal grandfather was alive. He had to support us
because we had no one else to turn to. We later realized that he was a little
apprehensive about my mami’s reaction to the circumstances and had plans to set
up a separate establishment for my mother if he sensed that his only son and
daughter in law showed signs of displeasure. It never even happened. My mother
had to adjust considering the future of her children. My mami was under no compulsion to adjust.
But she did. My mother continued to live there even after my grandfather passed
away within 5 years of my father’s death and finally moved out only after my
youngest brother took up a job. For the next 16 years that followed she would
visit us and spend a few months in Jamshedpur with me or in Hyderabad/Mumbai or
Tirupathi with my sister or older brother but would always return to Gobi which
was her head quarter. Twenty one years is a long time for anyone to play host
and my maternal uncle and aunt not only offered emotional support to my mother
– they did it without a frown on their face. They too went through a lot during
the period. Crops failed and management farming was not profitable. No one
would have blamed them if they had showed us the door. But they were great
people. My own children have pleasant memories of a summer spent at Gobi in
1986.
For all the kindness they
showered upon us they should have spent a happy retired life. My uncle had
planned to do just that when he sold his farmland and renovated his house after
all his children settled down. But God willed otherwise. My aunt suffered a
massive stroke and never recovered. Due to an inoperable clot in her brain she
was unable to recognize her own children. Initially she would speak
incoherently calling out names at random. On one occasion she could recall who
I was and enquired after my younger sister but little else. That was 15 years
back. She now lives but has no life and her children attend to her as if she
were a three month old. My uncle looks after her with affection and claims that
he wants do as much as possible for her now because he could never do so when
his children were growing up and he was busy attending to his farm.
Whenever I think of the two of
them I wonder why they are being tried in this manner. There are times when I
feel that scamsters and the like have it easy and selfless souls are at the
receiving end of life’s blows. I know of no past or future lives or of God’s
way of balancing things. I do know that my uncle and aunt did not deserve this.
However, I did seem to find an explanation in Brian Weiss’s book Message from the masters in which the
author says that those who have always been serving and caring for others sometimes
need to receive the love and affection of others. One cannot always be the
donor. I would not know if there is truth in this explanation but would it not
discourage people from being good to others if their kindness is repaid in this
manner? I am truly confused.
Be it as it may, I am glad I
decided to visit my uncle and aunt. I may have become a grandmother but memories
of the days spent at my grandfather’s place in familiar surroundings will
always be cherished by me.
Happy Deepavali!!
