Is happiness a relative phenomenon?

The visitor hasn't visited me for a while now but she was kind enough to forward this article (http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/30/opinion/30brooks.html?src=me&ref=homepage) to me by mail. I had been thinking of something along the very lines recently and this article just endorsed my opinion on the definition of happiness. This particular line from the article caught my attention. I quote -

'The overall impression from this research is that economic and professional success exists on the surface of life, and that they emerge out of interpersonal relationships, which are much deeper and more important'.

I had written a post on a story -(http://hiphopgmom.blogspot.com/2010/03/happy-womens-day.html ) that Dr. Mahalik narrated during a seminar in our college. the gist of the story is that women are happy when man's will is not imposed on them and they are allowed to deal with life's situation in their own way and as they deem fit and appropriate. I happened to refer to the story while talking to a friend. what she told me set me thinking.

"My husband had always allowed me to do things just as I wished and he had absolute trust in my discretionary powers. I wanted my name to be included as middle names for my sons and he heartily welcomed the idea. Whenever we had visitors at home he'd arrange for extra domestic help and never expect me to compromise on my time or schedule. We were never hard up for money and our children were above average and gave us no cause for concern. Yet, I was not happy. I wanted him to give me more of his time but thatwas one thing he could not spare. He had a busy scedule and was always helping someone or the other during his free time. So while the story makes a lot of sense it is not applicable to all. Individual needs vary and happiness is a relative term''. She said.

What is it that makes the world a happy place? Money and material things that money is able to buy do not give happiness. The pleasure felt when one progresses materialistically in life does not last long. I remember an incidence that took place within a month of my joining college. We had an examination and since an invigilator was absent I was asked to substitute. A week later I was paid Rs. 6/- as remuneration and this came as a surprise because I was not even aware that invigilation duty fetched extra remuneration. I remember thinking to myself that I would go home by share auto that day instead of the usual mini bus. I suddenly felt rich. I do not recollect whether I really took an auto rickshaw to get home. But I do recall the happiness I felt on getting an extra remuneration of Rs. 6/- and on being able to afford a return trip by share auto. Such joy is not felt now when I commute by my own car. There are several entrance exams held on Sundays for which we are sometimes given a remuneration of upto Rs. 350/- per sitting. But the Rs. 6/- that I first received stands apart and is very special. So perhaps money fetches happiness only if it is obtained when its need is acutely felt.

With my children settled I should be reasonably happy because I do not have to worry about them. And in fact I am happy for them as well as for myself. But moments of depression do set in when I wonder if I was wrong in aiming high for them. Would it have been better if they lived at an accessible distance rather than aim for the skies? My mother in law was happy to have a son take up a job with Tata Steel and with the family being able to continue to avail TISCO's quarter and medical facility every one was overjoyed. So even with only the basic requirements being taken care of one can be truly happy. But then that brings on another question equally relevant. If one did not aim high how would one progress? Would not lack of ambition cause dissatisfaction and be cause for unhappiness of a different kind?

What then is the solution? A fine balance perhaps. Improving of inter - personal relationships as the article points out and building up mutual trust with those around us may be the answer. Training the mind to look for happiness even in adverse conditions is not easy. However it is not impossible either. Bad as your lot may be, there are many who are worse. A look at them -not with disdain but with concern - is enough to make one realize that even under the circumstances one can find reason to be happy if only one tried.

Happiness unfortunately is not available in super markets and five star hotels. It is just a state of the mind. Unhappiness is the result of a wrong perception of the circumstances. It is here that I admire an aquaintance of mine. She works as a ward girl in a hospital and when her neighbor's daughter got married she gifted 10,000 rupees to her. She borrowed the amount from her provident fund account and repaid it with interest. On the other hand I've heard the wives of high ranking officer's who may never have traveled by public transport in town or by economic class while flying, actually taking home apples and dry fruits that foreign donors send for a government run orphanage for tribal children. They are the one's who are after the accountant ad finance officer's to find out when their arrears would be released and behave as if their lives depended on the money that was due. To my mind the ward girl who I see returning from a night shift when I go for my morning walk spreads more joy than others who have access to a luxurious life.

Let us then try to look for happiness in little things and remember that a society needs happy men and women rather than a wealthy but dissatisfied lot.