Playing the moderator.

Have you ever tried to settle children’s quarrel? I did and failed miserably when my brother’s children picked up a quarrel and dragged me into it. This happened 10 years ago but I feel amused when I recall the incident. By then my daughters were married and my son was in college. I was terribly out of touch with children in their pre teens.

The three of them belong to two sets of parents. The two girls Shruti and Shweta are sisters and little Vishnu is their cousin. My brothers live close by and there is a regular interaction between the two families. The family had come together to attend my mother’s funeral and the rites connected to her death were being performed. It so happened that Shweta the younger of the two sisters had been sleeping when the older one went off to play with Vishnu and a few other friends. Naturally Shweta was upset on being left out. By the time she got ready to join them the other two returned home. It was already 11 in the morning and it was very hot outside. Shweta wanted them to accompany her but the other two were done for the morning. The conversation that followed was something like this –

Shweta: Why didn’t you take me along?

Shruti: You were sleeping.

Shweta: You should have woken me up.

Vishnu: We did. But you didn’t get up.

Shweta: Did you shake me up?

Shruti: We called out to you but you did not get up.

Shweta: That means you didn’t wake me up. I would have woken up if you had shaken me.

Then she announced –

I am going out with athai (me) none of you will come.

Vishnu: Why? Athai belongs to all of us. You alone cannot go out with her.

Shweta: Oh, yes I can. Because you both went to play without me.

Shruti: Athai would never agree to it. She would either take all of us out or none of us.

I began to panic. I was being dragged into their quarrel for nothing. What do I do now?

Me: It is very hot outside. I am not going anywhere.

Shweta looks a bit disappointed. Her face then brightens up.

“We’ll go out in the evening. Won’t we athai?”

Vishnu: What time athai?

Shweta: You are NOT coming with us.

Vishnu: We went out to play without you in the morning. But we are going out in the evening. Morning and evening are different.

Shweta: They are not. You guys were mean to leave me out. And Athai will never take you both along.

I wondered if I had a say in the matter. Was there a way I could resolve the issue without taking sides? Should I feign a headache and refuse to go out? But Shweta had set her heart on going out with me and expected me to take her side since she had been ‘wronged’.

I made the mistake of trying to arbitrate.

Me: I’ll take Shweta out and get a cone ice cream each for all of you. You can be friends after that.

Shruti: We’re staying home so Vishnu and I get two ice creams each.

Shweta: Why?

Shruti: Because you are going out and we’re staying home.

Shweta: You guys left me out and went out to play. So I get two ice creams. And I hope the ice cream melts by the time we get home.

Vishnu: That’s not fair. You can’t go out and have two ice creams too.

A fresh round of argument follows and no solution in sight.

I felt that the mothers alone could tackle the situation so I called for them.

Shweta’s mom S…. pitched in.

S….: Who woke up late this morning.

Vishnu and Shruti: Shweta.

S….. : How do we punish her?

It was okay for Vishnu and Shruti to quarrel with Shweta but they certainly don’t want her to be punished by an adult.

Shruti: It’s alright. Shweta can go out with athai. We’ll stay home.

Shweta mellows down.

Shweta: You both can come along. It would be so much fun. Athai can you take all of us out this evening? We’ll play ‘dashing cars’ for a while and come home.

I was left wondering if the children had actually quarreled or if I was imagining things.

Any suggestions?

I am terribly upset. Where else can I pour my heart out but in my very own blog space? We recently went on a strike that has now been called off. As of now, I feel that the strike has served no real purpose. One of our main demands was that the services of 94 employees who have put in 24 years of service be regularized. Nine of them are in our college too and one is in my own department. He was around 20 years of age when he joined. I have come to look upon him as my younger brother and cannot distance myself from his problems. The group was drawing regular salary and other benefits till ’94 but from then they have been receiving ad hoc salary saying that they have been appointed without proper sanctioning of post. They are being made to do their regular duty for just Rs.2000/- and it suits the university to exploit them. Why didn’t they just throw them out? This strike has not resolved their problem and our leaders are busy counting and calculating the financial benefits they expect to derive due to the revised pay scale.I wish to hang my head in shame.

Just before the strike my colleagues wanted me to take charge as the secretary of the Non teaching association of my college. While I thanked them for the trust that they placed in my ability to lead them, I refused. I had my reservations and felt that I did not fulfill the criteria that are required for a person to lead from the front in the present times. My colleagues felt let down. I decided to do a little introspection and came to the conclusion that I did not fit the bill. I now wonder whether I should have accepted the post after all. There is a quotation attributed to Shiv Khera “If you are not part of the solution then you are part of the problem”. Do I have to plead guilty for not rising to the occasion? Since I could not find a solution am I also adding to the problem by remaining a silent spectator? Fourteen years is a long period to wait for a solution. But am I in a position to do something? These are questions that bother me. Unfortunately I have no answers. The agreement papers have come in and the case of the 94 employees has not even found a place in the demand. In protest a number of us refused to attend a meeting called by our Zonal committee. We were not interested in listening to the office bearers blowing their trumpets while so many among us are still in the same position as they were before the strike. I suggested that we refuse to join unless our so called leaders arranged for a dialogue with the Vice Chancellor on the issue. Technical problems were quoted and the idea was dropped. I don’t even know if I have the right to complain when I can do nothing to alleviate their misery. Iwonder what I can and cannot do. Here is a list .Forgive me if I sound crazy. I am terribly upset.

1.I can put forth my arguments in a convincing manner but I cannot change my conviction in accordance with the people I deal with. Talking in two different languages with the employees and administrators is impossible for me.
2.I can go on a hunger strike if need be but I cannot deal with corruption at all levels.
3.I can give a patient hearing to all around me but I cannot hold back my candid opinion in the matter.
4.I can understand the employee’s plight but I cannot ignore the employer’s compulsion under a given circumstance.
5.I can initiate a dialogue but I cannot thump the table and scream at the top of my voice.
6.I can stand up for a wronged colleague but I cannot take his side just because he/she happens to be a colleague. I need to feel convinced that the person is right.

Do any of you have any suggestions?