I got this one by email.Enjoy it.
Today is a gift. That's why it's called the present!
Right Now - somebody is thinking of you.
somebody is caring about you.
somebody misses you-somebody wants to talk to you.
somebody wants to be with you.
somebody hopes you aren't in trouble.
somebody is thankful for the support you have provided.
somebody wants to hold your hand.
Somebody hopes everything turns out all right.
somebody wants you to be happy.
somebody wants you to find him/her.
somebody is celebrating your successes.
somebody wants to give you a gift.
somebody thinks that you ARE a gift.
somebody loves you.
Somebody admires your strength.
somebody is thinking of you and smiling.
somebody wants to be your shoulder to cry on.
SOMEBODY NEEDS YOU TO SEND THIS TO THEM .
Never take away anyone's hope.That may be all they have.
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Tag after Tag!!
I have been simultaneously tagged by Srijith Unni and Archana Bahuguna. While Srijith wants me to talk about 6 weird things in my nature, Archana wants me to say 9 things about myself weird or otherwise. Both want me to tag 6 more people by leaving a comment on their blog. I decided to combine both and give 9 aspects of my nature, some weird others not so weird. Those whom I tag may stick to the same rule.
1.I am a supporter of the underdog – This is perhaps due to my being an Aquarian. I take up for the downtrodden ones. I must be a weird person to feel bad when I win an argument. I end up finding excuses for my opponents. Thank God I didn’t become a lawyer. I may never win a case.
2.I am a little too talkative - This is a serious flaw in my nature. It has led to some embarrassing moments. I am in awe of those who speak less and are in full command all the time.
3.I forget faces – I don’t actually forget faces. Rather I get confused with similar looking people who I don't meet regularly and have to see them together to be sure. Or else I may mix up between the two. When I am not too sure I talk about global warming and terrorist attacks.
4.I am too laid back – This is a characteristic I’ve inherited from my mother’s brother. His famous words in an emergent situation are “One cannot make the train move fast by pacing up and down the compartment.” I totally agree with him. In fact I love a situation in which nothing can be done and things spin out of control. I feel I can relax and read a book or go to sleep. That is why perhaps I don’t worry too much about the things I’ve missed in life.
5.I mess up my priorities – I don’t do it in any serious way. My work in college does not suffer or my family hasn’t faced any difficulty on account of this. I only mean to say that I am flexible. My husband has a routine and sticks to it. I can cook a meal as soon as I open my eyes or wait till ten in the morning to prepare myself a cup of tea depending on the situation and when I am alone. My priorities keep changing. I don’t do it when others are included.
6.I am not too worried about my appearance – I admire those who are perfectly dressed for an occasion and wish to be like them. I only manage to be neatly dressed and here too I’d give credit to Ashok, my dhobi (washer-man). I just cannot match my sarees with accessories or sit through the process (read pain) of applying make up and mascara. A bindi is all I sport and perhaps a face cream when the weather is dry. The odd time that I ‘dress’ up makes me self conscious and uncomfortable. My husband should thank me for not straining his purse.
7. I like to add up numbers – I love to add up numbers. I add up telephones numbers, registration numbers of vehicles etc. I feel happy when they add up to 8. I really don’t know why.
8.I am sometimes thick skinned and sometimes sensitive – This is a quality I share with Srijith. I cannot really predict when I’d take something seriously and when I’d laugh it off. Depends on my mood I guess.
9.I am famous for smiling when I am upset – When I was a schoolgirl I’d giggle on being scolded. We had an English teacher who’d use the choicest words while scolding us. I have been sent out of class ‘to laugh to my heart’s content’. This has perhaps led to my smiling when I am really upset. I know it is wrong to do it and I should be pulling a long face. But my face is already long and refuses to get longer.
Now I’d like to tag Starry nights, Itching to write, artnavy, hillgrandmom, balaji and the visitor to take up this tag and give us their side of the story.
1.I am a supporter of the underdog – This is perhaps due to my being an Aquarian. I take up for the downtrodden ones. I must be a weird person to feel bad when I win an argument. I end up finding excuses for my opponents. Thank God I didn’t become a lawyer. I may never win a case.
2.I am a little too talkative - This is a serious flaw in my nature. It has led to some embarrassing moments. I am in awe of those who speak less and are in full command all the time.
3.I forget faces – I don’t actually forget faces. Rather I get confused with similar looking people who I don't meet regularly and have to see them together to be sure. Or else I may mix up between the two. When I am not too sure I talk about global warming and terrorist attacks.
4.I am too laid back – This is a characteristic I’ve inherited from my mother’s brother. His famous words in an emergent situation are “One cannot make the train move fast by pacing up and down the compartment.” I totally agree with him. In fact I love a situation in which nothing can be done and things spin out of control. I feel I can relax and read a book or go to sleep. That is why perhaps I don’t worry too much about the things I’ve missed in life.
5.I mess up my priorities – I don’t do it in any serious way. My work in college does not suffer or my family hasn’t faced any difficulty on account of this. I only mean to say that I am flexible. My husband has a routine and sticks to it. I can cook a meal as soon as I open my eyes or wait till ten in the morning to prepare myself a cup of tea depending on the situation and when I am alone. My priorities keep changing. I don’t do it when others are included.
6.I am not too worried about my appearance – I admire those who are perfectly dressed for an occasion and wish to be like them. I only manage to be neatly dressed and here too I’d give credit to Ashok, my dhobi (washer-man). I just cannot match my sarees with accessories or sit through the process (read pain) of applying make up and mascara. A bindi is all I sport and perhaps a face cream when the weather is dry. The odd time that I ‘dress’ up makes me self conscious and uncomfortable. My husband should thank me for not straining his purse.
7. I like to add up numbers – I love to add up numbers. I add up telephones numbers, registration numbers of vehicles etc. I feel happy when they add up to 8. I really don’t know why.
8.I am sometimes thick skinned and sometimes sensitive – This is a quality I share with Srijith. I cannot really predict when I’d take something seriously and when I’d laugh it off. Depends on my mood I guess.
9.I am famous for smiling when I am upset – When I was a schoolgirl I’d giggle on being scolded. We had an English teacher who’d use the choicest words while scolding us. I have been sent out of class ‘to laugh to my heart’s content’. This has perhaps led to my smiling when I am really upset. I know it is wrong to do it and I should be pulling a long face. But my face is already long and refuses to get longer.
Now I’d like to tag Starry nights, Itching to write, artnavy, hillgrandmom, balaji and the visitor to take up this tag and give us their side of the story.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Feminism as I see it
The definition of feminism as in The American Heritage Dictionary is as follows – A doctrinethat advocates or demands for women the same rights granted men, as in political or economic status. 2. The movement in support of such a doctrine.
My opinion in the matter are entirely my own and I am in no position to claim that it is the correct one. I have trained my mind to think in a particular way, to approach life in a certain manner and to define things the way I understand them. They need not be identical to what youngsters perceive and my only request is to think on these lines.
When we talk of equal rights for men and women what exactly do we mean? I know of a family a young couple where the husband is supposed to sweep and the wife has to swab. If the husband has to rush to work, the house is neither swept nor swabbed. In the same family the husband agreed to prepare rice since it was easy and the wife took it upon herself to prepare the dal and sabzi. If she came home early she would do her bit and wait for the husband to come home and prepare rice. Both would be tired and the allegations and counter allegations would follow and they’d go to bed without eating. I do hope they have now grown out of this stage and have matured enough to understand that equality doesn’t necessarily mean a 50:50 division of every odd job in the house.
Equality on the other hand means that men and women who constitute society have mutual respect and each group appreciates the other for their contribution and input. A woman may be a home maker or career woman depending upon her personal choice. She should be confident about the importance of her role and carry herself with a dignity that commands respect even from her worst critics. Long back I watched a programme on DD-1 – “ Aurat kaam nahin karti” in which it was satirically pointed out that cooking , cleaning, the bearing and rearing of children etc. are not considered as ‘work’- not by her family or society but by the woman herself. Unless we bring about an attitudinal change all this talk about feminism is not going to benefit anyone.
It is heartening to see middle and upper middle class families at least in urban areas educate their girl child at par with their boys. Education does broaden one’s outlook and even if the girl does not go out to work there is no doubt that she will be an asset to her family. She may in all probability have a say in important matters and equality will automatically follow. It is equally disappointing to see educated females behaving like dumb dolls and being treated as if they are a piece of furniture in the house. Nothing in life comes for free and the sooner one realizes it the better for them. If one wants to be heard he or she has to stand up and speak and speaking does not mean screaming.
One’s cultural background does play a role in shaping one’s mind but whatever the culture one belongs to self respect need not be compromised. My ex - servant’s husband had bought her a gold chain weighing around 40 gms. He kept on boasting about it and making sarcastic remarks about how she had brought nothing from her mother’s house and he was the one who had given her anything of worth. She gave it back to him in the presence of a witness and has not worn it since. Her words were “If you don’t realize or recognize my contribution to this family I don’t need your gold.” She went on to list the benefits the family was deriving on account of her including the fact that the rent free outhouse that they were living in was given for her services as house maid. The minute she stopped working, the family would be on the pavement she claimed! To my mind she comes across as much a feminist as anyone else.
Being a feminist does not mean finding fault with every arrangement in a male dominated society. For instance nature has made female physically vulnerable and it may be prudent to avoid certain situations. An intelligent mind would have no hesitation in doing so. After all nature has been fair enough as far as the mind is concerned so why not put it to good use?
My opinion in the matter are entirely my own and I am in no position to claim that it is the correct one. I have trained my mind to think in a particular way, to approach life in a certain manner and to define things the way I understand them. They need not be identical to what youngsters perceive and my only request is to think on these lines.
When we talk of equal rights for men and women what exactly do we mean? I know of a family a young couple where the husband is supposed to sweep and the wife has to swab. If the husband has to rush to work, the house is neither swept nor swabbed. In the same family the husband agreed to prepare rice since it was easy and the wife took it upon herself to prepare the dal and sabzi. If she came home early she would do her bit and wait for the husband to come home and prepare rice. Both would be tired and the allegations and counter allegations would follow and they’d go to bed without eating. I do hope they have now grown out of this stage and have matured enough to understand that equality doesn’t necessarily mean a 50:50 division of every odd job in the house.
Equality on the other hand means that men and women who constitute society have mutual respect and each group appreciates the other for their contribution and input. A woman may be a home maker or career woman depending upon her personal choice. She should be confident about the importance of her role and carry herself with a dignity that commands respect even from her worst critics. Long back I watched a programme on DD-1 – “ Aurat kaam nahin karti” in which it was satirically pointed out that cooking , cleaning, the bearing and rearing of children etc. are not considered as ‘work’- not by her family or society but by the woman herself. Unless we bring about an attitudinal change all this talk about feminism is not going to benefit anyone.
It is heartening to see middle and upper middle class families at least in urban areas educate their girl child at par with their boys. Education does broaden one’s outlook and even if the girl does not go out to work there is no doubt that she will be an asset to her family. She may in all probability have a say in important matters and equality will automatically follow. It is equally disappointing to see educated females behaving like dumb dolls and being treated as if they are a piece of furniture in the house. Nothing in life comes for free and the sooner one realizes it the better for them. If one wants to be heard he or she has to stand up and speak and speaking does not mean screaming.
One’s cultural background does play a role in shaping one’s mind but whatever the culture one belongs to self respect need not be compromised. My ex - servant’s husband had bought her a gold chain weighing around 40 gms. He kept on boasting about it and making sarcastic remarks about how she had brought nothing from her mother’s house and he was the one who had given her anything of worth. She gave it back to him in the presence of a witness and has not worn it since. Her words were “If you don’t realize or recognize my contribution to this family I don’t need your gold.” She went on to list the benefits the family was deriving on account of her including the fact that the rent free outhouse that they were living in was given for her services as house maid. The minute she stopped working, the family would be on the pavement she claimed! To my mind she comes across as much a feminist as anyone else.
Being a feminist does not mean finding fault with every arrangement in a male dominated society. For instance nature has made female physically vulnerable and it may be prudent to avoid certain situations. An intelligent mind would have no hesitation in doing so. After all nature has been fair enough as far as the mind is concerned so why not put it to good use?
Feminism as I see it
The definition of feminism as in The American Heritage Dictionary is as follows – A doctrinethat advocates or demands for women the same rights granted men, as in political or economic status. 2. The movement in support of such a doctrine.
My opinion in the matter are entirely my own and I am in no position to claim that it is the correct one. I have trained my mind to think in a particular way, to approach life in a certain manner and to define things the way I understand them. They need not be identical to what youngsters perceive and my only request is to think on these lines.
When we talk of equal rights for men and women what exactly do we mean? I know of a family a young couple where the husband is supposed to sweep and the wife has to swab. If the husband has to rush to work, the house is neither swept nor swabbed. In the same family the husband agreed to prepare rice since it was easy and the wife took it upon herself to prepare the dal and sabzi. If she came home early she would do her bit and wait for the husband to come home and prepare rice. Both would be tired and the allegations and counter allegations would follow and they’d go to bed without eating. I do hope they have now grown out of this stage and have matured enough to understand that equality doesn’t necessarily mean a 50:50 division of every odd job in the house.
Equality on the other hand means that men and women who constitute society have mutual respect and each group appreciates the other for their contribution and input. A woman may be a home maker or career woman depending upon her personal choice. She should be confident about the importance of her role and carry herself with a dignity that commands respect even from her worst critics. Long back I watched a programme on DD-1 – “ Aurat kaam nahin karti” in which it was satirically pointed out that cooking , cleaning, the bearing and rearing of children etc. are not considered as ‘work’- not by her family or society but by the woman herself. Unless we bring about an attitudinal change all this talk about feminism is not going to benefit anyone.
It is heartening to see middle and upper middle class families at least in urban areas educate their girl child at par with their boys. Education does broaden one’s outlook and even if the girl does not go out to work there is no doubt that she will be an asset to her family. She may in all probability have a say in important matters and equality will automatically follow. It is equally disappointing to see educated females behaving like dumb dolls and being treated as if they are a piece of furniture in the house. Nothing in life comes for free and the sooner one realizes it the better for them. If one wants to be heard he or she has to stand up and speak and speaking does not mean screaming.
One’s cultural background does play a role in shaping one’s mind but whatever the culture one belongs to self respect need not be compromised. My ex - servant’s husband had bought her a gold chain weighing around 40 gms. He kept on boasting about it and making sarcastic remarks about how she had brought nothing from her mother’s house and he was the one who had given her anything of worth. She gave it back to him in the presence of a witness and has not worn it since. Her words were “If you don’t realize or recognize my contribution to this family I don’t need your gold.” She went on to list the benefits the family was deriving on account of her including the fact that the rent free outhouse that they were living in was given for her services as house maid. The minute she stopped working, the family would be on the pavement she claimed! To my mind she comes across as much a feminist as anyone else.
Being a feminist does not mean finding fault with every arrangement in a male dominated society. For instance nature has made female physically vulnerable and it may be prudent to avoid certain situations. An intelligent mind would have no hesitation in doing so. After all nature has been fair enough as far as the mind is concerned so why not put it to good use?
My opinion in the matter are entirely my own and I am in no position to claim that it is the correct one. I have trained my mind to think in a particular way, to approach life in a certain manner and to define things the way I understand them. They need not be identical to what youngsters perceive and my only request is to think on these lines.
When we talk of equal rights for men and women what exactly do we mean? I know of a family a young couple where the husband is supposed to sweep and the wife has to swab. If the husband has to rush to work, the house is neither swept nor swabbed. In the same family the husband agreed to prepare rice since it was easy and the wife took it upon herself to prepare the dal and sabzi. If she came home early she would do her bit and wait for the husband to come home and prepare rice. Both would be tired and the allegations and counter allegations would follow and they’d go to bed without eating. I do hope they have now grown out of this stage and have matured enough to understand that equality doesn’t necessarily mean a 50:50 division of every odd job in the house.
Equality on the other hand means that men and women who constitute society have mutual respect and each group appreciates the other for their contribution and input. A woman may be a home maker or career woman depending upon her personal choice. She should be confident about the importance of her role and carry herself with a dignity that commands respect even from her worst critics. Long back I watched a programme on DD-1 – “ Aurat kaam nahin karti” in which it was satirically pointed out that cooking , cleaning, the bearing and rearing of children etc. are not considered as ‘work’- not by her family or society but by the woman herself. Unless we bring about an attitudinal change all this talk about feminism is not going to benefit anyone.
It is heartening to see middle and upper middle class families at least in urban areas educate their girl child at par with their boys. Education does broaden one’s outlook and even if the girl does not go out to work there is no doubt that she will be an asset to her family. She may in all probability have a say in important matters and equality will automatically follow. It is equally disappointing to see educated females behaving like dumb dolls and being treated as if they are a piece of furniture in the house. Nothing in life comes for free and the sooner one realizes it the better for them. If one wants to be heard he or she has to stand up and speak and speaking does not mean screaming.
One’s cultural background does play a role in shaping one’s mind but whatever the culture one belongs to self respect need not be compromised. My ex - servant’s husband had bought her a gold chain weighing around 40 gms. He kept on boasting about it and making sarcastic remarks about how she had brought nothing from her mother’s house and he was the one who had given her anything of worth. She gave it back to him in the presence of a witness and has not worn it since. Her words were “If you don’t realize or recognize my contribution to this family I don’t need your gold.” She went on to list the benefits the family was deriving on account of her including the fact that the rent free outhouse that they were living in was given for her services as house maid. The minute she stopped working, the family would be on the pavement she claimed! To my mind she comes across as much a feminist as anyone else.
Being a feminist does not mean finding fault with every arrangement in a male dominated society. For instance nature has made female physically vulnerable and it may be prudent to avoid certain situations. An intelligent mind would have no hesitation in doing so. After all nature has been fair enough as far as the mind is concerned so why not put it to good use?
Monday, September 25, 2006
I've been tagged by Suemamma
Here are my answers to the questions:
1.Are you happy/satisfied with your blog with it's content and look?Does your family know about your blog?
Yes I am quite happy with my the content of my blog.I leave it to you to judge its looks. My daughter was the one to introduce me to the blog world and my family knows about it.
2.Do you feel embarrassed to let your friends know about your blog or you just consider it as a private thing?
I have no embarassment about anyone reading my blog. My close friends already know of most things that I write.
3.Did blogs cause positive changes in your thoughts?
I got to know a lot by reading the opinion of my blog readers thro’ their comments. I really enjoy them and feel good. Positive changes automatically follow.
4.Do you only open the blogs of those who comment on your blog or you love to go and discover more by yourself?
I read the blogs of those who comment. The visitor directs me to other good blog posts.Right now I am busy.Once I return to India in October I’ll try and discover more blogs on my own.
5.What does visitors counter mean to you? Do you care about putting it in your blog?
Oh yes. I have a site meter and I do look it up.It gives me an idea of the many people who visit my site.
6.Did you try to imagine your fellow bloggers and give them real pictures?
I have a mental picture of my fellow bloggers based on the stuff they write. It is more to do with their mind than looks.
7.Admit. Do you think there is a real benefit for blogging?
I find blogging very beneficial. It allows you to be yourself..
8.Do you think that bloggers society is isolated from real world or interacts with events?
The bloggers society is an interaction of like minded people. Experiences are exchanged and opinions generated. One learns a lot in the process.
9.Does criticism annoy you or do you feel it's a normal thing?
Healthy criticism is okay. I don’t think I’d worry too much about malicious criticism.That is also part of life.
10.Do you fear some political blogs and avoid them?
Politics does not interest me very much. I may not deliberately avoid them.But I wouldn’t be too interested in going through them. Nor would I want to comment.
11.Did you get shocked by the arrest of some bloggers?
I did not know about such arrests and would like to know the reasons. I would like to take it as a warning.
12.Did you think about what will happen to your blog after you die?
Death is a certainity. In fact it is the only thing that is common to all people.I don’t think I’d worry too much about it. I would rather enjoy what life has to offer.
13.What do you like to hear? What's the song you might like to put a link to in your blog?
There was a song
‘Courage brother,Do not stumble
Though thy path be dark as night,
Turn from man and look above thee,
Trust in God and do the right.'
I’d like to put a link to the song in my blog.It would really lift my spirits up!
About more people to tag, I don't know.
I'll tag Passerby55 and Usha I guess if they are willing.
Here are my answers to the questions:
1.Are you happy/satisfied with your blog with it's content and look?Does your family know about your blog?
Yes I am quite happy with my the content of my blog.I leave it to you to judge its looks. My daughter was the one to introduce me to the blog world and my family knows about it.
2.Do you feel embarrassed to let your friends know about your blog or you just consider it as a private thing?
I have no embarassment about anyone reading my blog. My close friends already know of most things that I write.
3.Did blogs cause positive changes in your thoughts?
I got to know a lot by reading the opinion of my blog readers thro’ their comments. I really enjoy them and feel good. Positive changes automatically follow.
4.Do you only open the blogs of those who comment on your blog or you love to go and discover more by yourself?
I read the blogs of those who comment. The visitor directs me to other good blog posts.Right now I am busy.Once I return to India in October I’ll try and discover more blogs on my own.
5.What does visitors counter mean to you? Do you care about putting it in your blog?
Oh yes. I have a site meter and I do look it up.It gives me an idea of the many people who visit my site.
6.Did you try to imagine your fellow bloggers and give them real pictures?
I have a mental picture of my fellow bloggers based on the stuff they write. It is more to do with their mind than looks.
7.Admit. Do you think there is a real benefit for blogging?
I find blogging very beneficial. It allows you to be yourself..
8.Do you think that bloggers society is isolated from real world or interacts with events?
The bloggers society is an interaction of like minded people. Experiences are exchanged and opinions generated. One learns a lot in the process.
9.Does criticism annoy you or do you feel it's a normal thing?
Healthy criticism is okay. I don’t think I’d worry too much about malicious criticism.That is also part of life.
10.Do you fear some political blogs and avoid them?
Politics does not interest me very much. I may not deliberately avoid them.But I wouldn’t be too interested in going through them. Nor would I want to comment.
11.Did you get shocked by the arrest of some bloggers?
I did not know about such arrests and would like to know the reasons. I would like to take it as a warning.
12.Did you think about what will happen to your blog after you die?
Death is a certainity. In fact it is the only thing that is common to all people.I don’t think I’d worry too much about it. I would rather enjoy what life has to offer.
13.What do you like to hear? What's the song you might like to put a link to in your blog?
There was a song
‘Courage brother,Do not stumble
Though thy path be dark as night,
Turn from man and look above thee,
Trust in God and do the right.'
I’d like to put a link to the song in my blog.It would really lift my spirits up!
About more people to tag, I don't know.
I'll tag Passerby55 and Usha I guess if they are willing.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
The joy of planning.
Navaratri is just around the corner and I am filled with nostalgia about my childhood when we would go from house to house for ‘Golu’ collecting ‘sundal’ from each house that we visited. I continued the tradition till my girls were available to go around and invite people for ‘haldi and kumkum’. I arranged the dolls carefully collected by my mother in law and celebrated Navaratri in the traditional tamilian style. We lived in an one bed room apartment and space was limited. But the festival was observed with great interest. Soon my daughters left home for college and though we had shifted to a three bedroom flat of our own the tamilian population had by then dispersed and somehow I did not retain the enthusiasm of continuing the tradition of ‘golu’ or ‘gudia pooja’ as the north Indians called it. I still invite a few friends over the ninth day when we celebrate Saraswati pooja but the spirit of Navaratri is missing. I sometimes wonder why?
I can think of some reasons that may have contributed to the situation-
1)When I started the ritual I had no other means of interacting with others of my age. We were about 10 tamilian families in our area and our children were young. Money was limited and we looked forward to the festive season to treat our children to an outing, to invite others over and to buy good clothes for the members of the family. There was no TV and eating out was almost unheard of. Now we have spending money and the joy of looking forward to new clothes during Navaratri and Deepavali is no longer there. Could this be a reason?
2)The weather during Navaratri is usually pleasant and many families prefer to travel to places of tourist interest during the season.
3)My research work went on for three seasons and the crop I took up as my research tool was seasonal. Its life cycle began in August and ended in November. My puja vacations were utilized for research work.
4)Our plans normally centre around the children. Now that they have flown the nest I have lost interest.
5)Tamilians who were my neighbors twenty years back have either left the town or moved to far off places. The few who remain are not too keen. Has this rubbed off into me also?
6)Social life in general has taken a beating.
7)Am I perhaps not too keen myself and prefer to utilize the vacation to organise my house and relax with a book?
Wharever be the reason I need to start again and these are things that I can do during Navaratri-
1)Invite a poor and needy person for lunch with her family and give her children a little money to spend on something they very much want to do.
2)Buy stationery items and distribute it among needy school going children.
3)Organise a bhajan during Navaratri and invite friends over.
4)Seek out others whose children have left home, form a group and go for a picnic instead of brooding over the time when ‘the kids were at home’.
5)Reach out to someone in distress and give him/her a little of my time.
That’s all I can think of. I wonder if there is anything else that I can do. Any suggestions? I do feel that with a little less money we have much more to look forward to and that perhaps makes life more interesting. I miss the joy of planning and making sure that each one’s need is attended to. I miss giving my father in law a little spending money. I miss the joy that I saw in his face when I ran out of cash and asked him for it. The way he’d look up and say “Always set aside some money for a rainy day”. I made him feel so very important when he’d turn round and ask “ If it were not for me what would you do?” More on that later. Right now I am in a pensive mood and ask myself if there is something missing and if there is truth in the saying ‘Poverty in the midst of plenty’
I can think of some reasons that may have contributed to the situation-
1)When I started the ritual I had no other means of interacting with others of my age. We were about 10 tamilian families in our area and our children were young. Money was limited and we looked forward to the festive season to treat our children to an outing, to invite others over and to buy good clothes for the members of the family. There was no TV and eating out was almost unheard of. Now we have spending money and the joy of looking forward to new clothes during Navaratri and Deepavali is no longer there. Could this be a reason?
2)The weather during Navaratri is usually pleasant and many families prefer to travel to places of tourist interest during the season.
3)My research work went on for three seasons and the crop I took up as my research tool was seasonal. Its life cycle began in August and ended in November. My puja vacations were utilized for research work.
4)Our plans normally centre around the children. Now that they have flown the nest I have lost interest.
5)Tamilians who were my neighbors twenty years back have either left the town or moved to far off places. The few who remain are not too keen. Has this rubbed off into me also?
6)Social life in general has taken a beating.
7)Am I perhaps not too keen myself and prefer to utilize the vacation to organise my house and relax with a book?
Wharever be the reason I need to start again and these are things that I can do during Navaratri-
1)Invite a poor and needy person for lunch with her family and give her children a little money to spend on something they very much want to do.
2)Buy stationery items and distribute it among needy school going children.
3)Organise a bhajan during Navaratri and invite friends over.
4)Seek out others whose children have left home, form a group and go for a picnic instead of brooding over the time when ‘the kids were at home’.
5)Reach out to someone in distress and give him/her a little of my time.
That’s all I can think of. I wonder if there is anything else that I can do. Any suggestions? I do feel that with a little less money we have much more to look forward to and that perhaps makes life more interesting. I miss the joy of planning and making sure that each one’s need is attended to. I miss giving my father in law a little spending money. I miss the joy that I saw in his face when I ran out of cash and asked him for it. The way he’d look up and say “Always set aside some money for a rainy day”. I made him feel so very important when he’d turn round and ask “ If it were not for me what would you do?” More on that later. Right now I am in a pensive mood and ask myself if there is something missing and if there is truth in the saying ‘Poverty in the midst of plenty’
Saturday, September 16, 2006
Some points to ponder about-
I thought I'd share with you some impressions I gathered from a book I read recently. It was a correspondence between a Rabbi Shmuel Boteach and a paranormalist Uri Geller. Most of these are in concurrence with my own perceptions of life. In fact it confirms my own faith in the goodness of the human race which transcends all possible religious affiliations. These are quotes picked up at random and may not be very organised. They cannot be specifically attributed to either of the authors because I felt they were two people saying the same thing in different words. I may be wrong but then that is how I see it. I post it in my blog as much for myself as for you.
1)One should not seek to understand suffering. Rather he should work to obliterate it.
2)A relationship is a two way process.we cannot just holler when things go wrong we must allow our hearts to swell up at all that is beautiful. Events of today are controlled by promises of tomorrow.
3)Invisible things are the most precious and powerful.
4)To be fully human is to have worked and struggled to be special.
5)A single ray of human love and warmth is enough to dispel all gloom and darkness of all the world’s confused adolescents.
6)Religious people can often be bad representatives of their faith.
7)Three things that humans want in their lives are meaning,joy and goodness.It is impossible to be joyous withot being good.
8)Truth is a human necessity. A lie cannot last and falsehood cannot flourish.
9)One should aim to be human because that is challenging and ultimately fetches rewards.
10)God does not love or bless man made divisions.Rather He loves man himself.
11)Alexander the Great willed that he should be buried with his hands protruding out of the coffin.He wanted to show his soldiers that although he had conquered the world he when he left it his hands were empty.
12)Your actions are worthy only if your inner self is in harmony with your external actions.
13)Goodness is not a ritual that comes with practice.It is a struggle that has to be overcome each time you try to be good.
14)God is not present in the wind, water or fire look for Him within you.He is in the soft voice of the conscience within you.
15)Belief in one’s SELF is the same as belief in one’s God
1)One should not seek to understand suffering. Rather he should work to obliterate it.
2)A relationship is a two way process.we cannot just holler when things go wrong we must allow our hearts to swell up at all that is beautiful. Events of today are controlled by promises of tomorrow.
3)Invisible things are the most precious and powerful.
4)To be fully human is to have worked and struggled to be special.
5)A single ray of human love and warmth is enough to dispel all gloom and darkness of all the world’s confused adolescents.
6)Religious people can often be bad representatives of their faith.
7)Three things that humans want in their lives are meaning,joy and goodness.It is impossible to be joyous withot being good.
8)Truth is a human necessity. A lie cannot last and falsehood cannot flourish.
9)One should aim to be human because that is challenging and ultimately fetches rewards.
10)God does not love or bless man made divisions.Rather He loves man himself.
11)Alexander the Great willed that he should be buried with his hands protruding out of the coffin.He wanted to show his soldiers that although he had conquered the world he when he left it his hands were empty.
12)Your actions are worthy only if your inner self is in harmony with your external actions.
13)Goodness is not a ritual that comes with practice.It is a struggle that has to be overcome each time you try to be good.
14)God is not present in the wind, water or fire look for Him within you.He is in the soft voice of the conscience within you.
15)Belief in one’s SELF is the same as belief in one’s God
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Can't we bond?
Although my previous post was not directed at MIL/DIL relationships it seems to have provoked a lot of reactionary opinion in the matter. It is a much debated relationship and has been the theme of many interesting novels, plays as also, unfortunately, the never ending soap operas that dominate the prime time of cable and national TV network.
Times are changing or so they say. The tussle for one upmanship in the household between the MIL/DIL duo still continues albeit in a more subdued manner. I sometimes wonder if this love/ hate equation between the two ladies actually adds spice to an otherwise monotonous existence as one saw in Sachin’s ‘Tu Tu Main Main’. On a more serious note I wonder if, as in some families that I know, it actually suits the men in the house to have the two ladies at loggerheads with one another. I am no expert but I’ll try to put down a few of my observations. I find it safe to use myself as an example but in general I find that it applies to most people around me.
The first reason for any relationship to sour is unrealistic expectations. A mother in law’s role in making her daughter in law feel welcomed cannot be over looked or ignored. The girl comes from an entirely different setup and needs time to adjust to new ways. She needs time to bond with her new family. She may call her mother in law amma but all the time she is making a mental comparison between her mother and mother in law. She needs to understand that this new ‘amma’ acquired by virtue of her marriage may have a different approach but is nevertheless her well-wisher. Little gestures of appreciation go a long way in forging a life long relationship. My mother in law couldn’t care less if I spoke good English or wrote interesting letters. Her expectations from me were very simple. That I would be an efficient home-maker and take charge of the house hold and relieve her of her duties. I had spent my growing years in two different hostels and with elders taking care of the kitchen I enjoyed hostel life even at home. My mother in law expected me to spin like a top and I landed at her place expecting to learn from scratch. I was a willing learner but she was in no mood to teach. I had perhaps disappointed her from the outset.
I’d think ‘ Why can’t she tell me?’
May be she thought ‘Why should I?’
In my less charitable mood I’d think that like Karna in Mahabharat who was born with ear rings and an armor, she was perhaps born with a ladle in one hand and duster in another. She was obsessed about keeping the house clean while I had only learnt to make my bed and arrange my almirah. Likewise she might have had thought of something mean about me.
However, my MIL was also a very clever person. After the initial disappointment she decided to tone down a bit. She saw that it was easier to mould a novice and began by giving me small responsibilities and leaving me to deal with them. I realized that I had to prove a point so within six months I managed to pick up a decent amount of house keeping. I don’t even remember when and how we became friends. Today I realize that she gave in a lot without seeming to do so. Hats off to her administrative capacities.
Emotional dependence on the son/husband also causes a rift in relationships. It is important for a wife to remember that the woman one regards with suspicion is actually the one who gave him life and has played an important role in making him the man whom you ultimately married. Insecurities will definitely haunt her mind. There is no harm in making her feel that she is still the one in control and nothing has changed on account of your arrival. Once mutual trust is built, believe me, you’ll have her taking your side. I say this out of personal experience.
Finally financial control. God forbid if at some point of time I have to trouble my children for money. Nothing would hurt me more than to burden them financially. Parents like to be always able to give but in the twilight of one’s life it is not always possible. Tension builds up when funds are limited and in today’s world it is a question of give and take. There is a popular saying that even a rat runs away from a sinking ship. Should one’s parent turn out to be a sinking ship children should be the plugs that seal the holes and not rats that run away.
All relationships thrive on mutual trust and respect. A mother who has faith in her son will never ill treat her daughter in law. Likewise a daughter in law who respects and loves her husband will automatically love his family. Differences can be addressed amicably. A direct and frank approach is better than dropping hints and reading between lines. Joint families are becoming rare and this is causing adjustment problems. Children look upon grand parents as intruders and parents are unwilling to give up luxuries that they are used to. Advice is neither given nor taken. A kind of indifference, a lack of concern is setting in. This I feel is not good for society as a whole. Let us change this trend while we can. Living together as a joint family is not possible any more. But let us remain in touch and meet as often as possible so that if and when parents move in they may not feel out of place.
I end with a point that often comes to my mind. We adjust in our work place, we adjust with our neighbors but when it comes to one’s MIL/DIL one cannot even be civil. Is it so difficult a task or aren’t we trying hard enough?
Times are changing or so they say. The tussle for one upmanship in the household between the MIL/DIL duo still continues albeit in a more subdued manner. I sometimes wonder if this love/ hate equation between the two ladies actually adds spice to an otherwise monotonous existence as one saw in Sachin’s ‘Tu Tu Main Main’. On a more serious note I wonder if, as in some families that I know, it actually suits the men in the house to have the two ladies at loggerheads with one another. I am no expert but I’ll try to put down a few of my observations. I find it safe to use myself as an example but in general I find that it applies to most people around me.
The first reason for any relationship to sour is unrealistic expectations. A mother in law’s role in making her daughter in law feel welcomed cannot be over looked or ignored. The girl comes from an entirely different setup and needs time to adjust to new ways. She needs time to bond with her new family. She may call her mother in law amma but all the time she is making a mental comparison between her mother and mother in law. She needs to understand that this new ‘amma’ acquired by virtue of her marriage may have a different approach but is nevertheless her well-wisher. Little gestures of appreciation go a long way in forging a life long relationship. My mother in law couldn’t care less if I spoke good English or wrote interesting letters. Her expectations from me were very simple. That I would be an efficient home-maker and take charge of the house hold and relieve her of her duties. I had spent my growing years in two different hostels and with elders taking care of the kitchen I enjoyed hostel life even at home. My mother in law expected me to spin like a top and I landed at her place expecting to learn from scratch. I was a willing learner but she was in no mood to teach. I had perhaps disappointed her from the outset.
I’d think ‘ Why can’t she tell me?’
May be she thought ‘Why should I?’
In my less charitable mood I’d think that like Karna in Mahabharat who was born with ear rings and an armor, she was perhaps born with a ladle in one hand and duster in another. She was obsessed about keeping the house clean while I had only learnt to make my bed and arrange my almirah. Likewise she might have had thought of something mean about me.
However, my MIL was also a very clever person. After the initial disappointment she decided to tone down a bit. She saw that it was easier to mould a novice and began by giving me small responsibilities and leaving me to deal with them. I realized that I had to prove a point so within six months I managed to pick up a decent amount of house keeping. I don’t even remember when and how we became friends. Today I realize that she gave in a lot without seeming to do so. Hats off to her administrative capacities.
Emotional dependence on the son/husband also causes a rift in relationships. It is important for a wife to remember that the woman one regards with suspicion is actually the one who gave him life and has played an important role in making him the man whom you ultimately married. Insecurities will definitely haunt her mind. There is no harm in making her feel that she is still the one in control and nothing has changed on account of your arrival. Once mutual trust is built, believe me, you’ll have her taking your side. I say this out of personal experience.
Finally financial control. God forbid if at some point of time I have to trouble my children for money. Nothing would hurt me more than to burden them financially. Parents like to be always able to give but in the twilight of one’s life it is not always possible. Tension builds up when funds are limited and in today’s world it is a question of give and take. There is a popular saying that even a rat runs away from a sinking ship. Should one’s parent turn out to be a sinking ship children should be the plugs that seal the holes and not rats that run away.
All relationships thrive on mutual trust and respect. A mother who has faith in her son will never ill treat her daughter in law. Likewise a daughter in law who respects and loves her husband will automatically love his family. Differences can be addressed amicably. A direct and frank approach is better than dropping hints and reading between lines. Joint families are becoming rare and this is causing adjustment problems. Children look upon grand parents as intruders and parents are unwilling to give up luxuries that they are used to. Advice is neither given nor taken. A kind of indifference, a lack of concern is setting in. This I feel is not good for society as a whole. Let us change this trend while we can. Living together as a joint family is not possible any more. But let us remain in touch and meet as often as possible so that if and when parents move in they may not feel out of place.
I end with a point that often comes to my mind. We adjust in our work place, we adjust with our neighbors but when it comes to one’s MIL/DIL one cannot even be civil. Is it so difficult a task or aren’t we trying hard enough?
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Do you ever wonder why-
Did you ever wonder why-
When a son listens to his wife he is hen pecked but a son in law doing the same is called considerate?
When your mother refuses to baby sit your child she’s getting on in age but if it is your mother in law she is just being mean?
When your daughter goes out leaving you to deal with your headache she needs to relax but when your daughter in law goes out after finishing all her work she’s labeled irresponsible?
Your hyperactive kid is a creative genius while your neighbor’s child is a spoilt brat?
When you over dress for a party, you’re doing it against your will but another friend who does it is showing off?
Your husband worked hard to get his promotion but everyone else got it by pleasing the boss?
Your son is innocent and does not know the ways of the world if he walks into your home empty handed but your daughter in law doing so is miserly/ stingy and what not?
The jar broken by your daughter is made of clay but that which your daughter in law breaks is too precious to replace?
While you offer to help out at your mother’s place before your brother got married you expect to be waited upon by your sister in law from the minute she steps into your maternal home?
Your sister always has better features than your sister in law?
A man may crack jokes and have fun with his wife’s siblings but he dare not show genuine concern over his own family’s welfare?
A son may never appreciate his mother in law’s cooking?
The food cooked by one’s mother in law/ daughter in law is always too spicy or too bland?
I end here. Others are welcome to continue from where I left.
Actually I am reading an amazing book and needed to relax. I thought of noting down parts of the book to post in my blog. I don’t really know what to mention or leave out. So I better recommend the book and leave it to you to decide. The book is titled ‘The Psychic and The Rabbi – A remarkable Correspondence’ between Uri Geller & Rabbi Shmuley Boteach. I haven’t finished it and will write about it later. In the mean time I felt like writing something light hearted and hence the above post. I do realize that no relationship is black or white. Shades of gray do come in. I don’t mean to be judgmental so just laugh it off!
When a son listens to his wife he is hen pecked but a son in law doing the same is called considerate?
When your mother refuses to baby sit your child she’s getting on in age but if it is your mother in law she is just being mean?
When your daughter goes out leaving you to deal with your headache she needs to relax but when your daughter in law goes out after finishing all her work she’s labeled irresponsible?
Your hyperactive kid is a creative genius while your neighbor’s child is a spoilt brat?
When you over dress for a party, you’re doing it against your will but another friend who does it is showing off?
Your husband worked hard to get his promotion but everyone else got it by pleasing the boss?
Your son is innocent and does not know the ways of the world if he walks into your home empty handed but your daughter in law doing so is miserly/ stingy and what not?
The jar broken by your daughter is made of clay but that which your daughter in law breaks is too precious to replace?
While you offer to help out at your mother’s place before your brother got married you expect to be waited upon by your sister in law from the minute she steps into your maternal home?
Your sister always has better features than your sister in law?
A man may crack jokes and have fun with his wife’s siblings but he dare not show genuine concern over his own family’s welfare?
A son may never appreciate his mother in law’s cooking?
The food cooked by one’s mother in law/ daughter in law is always too spicy or too bland?
I end here. Others are welcome to continue from where I left.
Actually I am reading an amazing book and needed to relax. I thought of noting down parts of the book to post in my blog. I don’t really know what to mention or leave out. So I better recommend the book and leave it to you to decide. The book is titled ‘The Psychic and The Rabbi – A remarkable Correspondence’ between Uri Geller & Rabbi Shmuley Boteach. I haven’t finished it and will write about it later. In the mean time I felt like writing something light hearted and hence the above post. I do realize that no relationship is black or white. Shades of gray do come in. I don’t mean to be judgmental so just laugh it off!
Friday, September 08, 2006
You Can Make an IMPACT
A good friend of mine sent me this post. I thought I should share it with you
One day, when I was a freshman in high school,
I saw a kid from my class was walking home from
school.
His name was Kyle.
It looked like he was carrying all of his books.
I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring
home all his books on a Friday?
He must really be a nerd."
I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on.
As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running
toward him.They ran at him, knocking all his books out of
his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt.
His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in
the grass about ten feet from him.
He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in
his eyes.My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to
him and as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear
in his eye.
As I handed him his glasses, I said, "Those guys
are jerks. "
They really should get lives.
" He looked at me and said, "Hey thanks!"
There was a big smile on his face.It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.
I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived.
As it turned out, he lived near me,! so I asked
him why I had never seen him before.
He said he had gone to private school before now.
I would have never hung out with a private
school kid before.
We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books.
He turned out to be a pretty cool kid.
I asked him if he wanted to play a little
football with my friends
He said yes.
We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I
liked him, and my friends thought the same of him.
Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the
huge stack of books again.
I stopped him and said, "Boy, you are gonna
really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!
"He just laughed and handed me half the books.
Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends.
When we were seniors, we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown , and I was going to Duke.
I knew that we would always be friends, that the
miles would never be a problem.
He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for
business on a football scholarship.
Kyle was valedictorian of our class.I teased him all the time about being a nerd.
He had to prepare a speech for graduation.
I was so gl ad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak
Graduation day, I saw Kyle.
He looked great. He was one of those guys that
really found himself during high school.
He filled out and actually looked good in glasses.
He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him.
Boy, sometimes I was jealous.
Today was one of those days.
I could see that he was nervous about his speech.
So, I smacked him on the back and said, "Hey, big guy, you'll be great!"
He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled.
"Thanks," he said.
As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began
"Graduation is a time to thank those who helped
you make it through those tough years.
Your parents, your teachers, your siblings,
maybe a coach...but mostly your friends...
I am here to tell all of you that being a friend
to someone is the best gift you can give them.
I am going to tell you a story."
I just looked at my friend with disbelief! as he
told the story of the first day we met.
He had planned to kill himself over the weekend.
He talked of how he had cleaned out his lockerso his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home.
He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile.
"Thankfully, I was saved.
My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable. "
I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this
handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment.
I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling
that same grateful smile.
Not until that moment did I realize its depth.
Never underestimate the power of your actions.
With one small gesture you can change a person's life.
For better or for worse.
God puts us all in each other's lives to impact
one another in some way.
One day, when I was a freshman in high school,
I saw a kid from my class was walking home from
school.
His name was Kyle.
It looked like he was carrying all of his books.
I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring
home all his books on a Friday?
He must really be a nerd."
I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on.
As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running
toward him.They ran at him, knocking all his books out of
his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt.
His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in
the grass about ten feet from him.
He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in
his eyes.My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to
him and as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear
in his eye.
As I handed him his glasses, I said, "Those guys
are jerks. "
They really should get lives.
" He looked at me and said, "Hey thanks!"
There was a big smile on his face.It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.
I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived.
As it turned out, he lived near me,! so I asked
him why I had never seen him before.
He said he had gone to private school before now.
I would have never hung out with a private
school kid before.
We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books.
He turned out to be a pretty cool kid.
I asked him if he wanted to play a little
football with my friends
He said yes.
We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I
liked him, and my friends thought the same of him.
Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the
huge stack of books again.
I stopped him and said, "Boy, you are gonna
really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!
"He just laughed and handed me half the books.
Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends.
When we were seniors, we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown , and I was going to Duke.
I knew that we would always be friends, that the
miles would never be a problem.
He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for
business on a football scholarship.
Kyle was valedictorian of our class.I teased him all the time about being a nerd.
He had to prepare a speech for graduation.
I was so gl ad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak
Graduation day, I saw Kyle.
He looked great. He was one of those guys that
really found himself during high school.
He filled out and actually looked good in glasses.
He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him.
Boy, sometimes I was jealous.
Today was one of those days.
I could see that he was nervous about his speech.
So, I smacked him on the back and said, "Hey, big guy, you'll be great!"
He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled.
"Thanks," he said.
As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began
"Graduation is a time to thank those who helped
you make it through those tough years.
Your parents, your teachers, your siblings,
maybe a coach...but mostly your friends...
I am here to tell all of you that being a friend
to someone is the best gift you can give them.
I am going to tell you a story."
I just looked at my friend with disbelief! as he
told the story of the first day we met.
He had planned to kill himself over the weekend.
He talked of how he had cleaned out his lockerso his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home.
He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile.
"Thankfully, I was saved.
My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable. "
I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this
handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment.
I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling
that same grateful smile.
Not until that moment did I realize its depth.
Never underestimate the power of your actions.
With one small gesture you can change a person's life.
For better or for worse.
God puts us all in each other's lives to impact
one another in some way.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
To Care And Share.
I was tempted to write about reasons for sticking to my husband (I mean remaining married to him) on reading Lalitha’s blog on the same topic. I am afraid my reasons are not romantic like hers. I can only give practical reasons. After all having been together for 33 years we have indeed made ourselves useful to the other person. I really wish to know his reasons but being a no nonsense type he refuses to get trapped. So here I go-
1) He makes our morning coffee and makes it rather well. I love being pampered to steaming hot coffee early in the morning. All good things have a price tag attached to it and so I too pay a price. He chooses to make the coffee at 5.30 in the morning and starts waking me up from the time he opens his eyes. We stay in an apartment complex that houses 118 flats and our block alone we have 18 flats. I am sure that mothers of school going kids don’t set their alarm clocks. They might be getting up when he wakes me for coffee. So he is actually alarm clock that doubles up for a coffee maker! Please don’t start imagining that he makes coffee out of any great concern for me. His concern is for the cream in the milk and is scared that I might disturb the cream that he carefully removes it from the milk and stores it in the fridge. He later churns it to butter, melts the butter into ghee and finally gives away to any one who is lucky enough to be allowed to consume ghee. Half the urban population has diabetes and blood pressure so the main beneficiaries are our present and ex servants. Gone are the days when servants were given left over food! Anyway they are the only ones who put in physical work and deserve to consume ghee. My ex servant lives some two kilometers from my house and I go to her place on my way to college to give her the ghee that is processed with care.
2) The next important role that my husband plays in my life is that he ‘walks’ me to health. The doctor advised me to walk at least five kilometers a day to keep a check on my blood sugar. My husband hates to pop pills and feels bad that I am on pills for sugar and pressure. He does his bit by accompanying me on a morning walk so that at least my dosage remains the same. On our morning walks he briefs me with world news, extracts from Discovery channel, ‘sansani’ and ‘vardaat’ news from the different channels that he watches when I am away . I am adept at becoming selectively deaf and take in what I feel like and leave out the rest. Much as I like to pull his leg, I must admit that I am touched by his concern and wish to remain well at least for his sake.
3) I was taught to drive a car by a driver from a motor training school. I had just turned 54 and they gave me a driver who was 77 years old! What the logic behind such a choice I wouldn’t know. He took the liberty of scolding me properly whenever I made a mistake and perhaps that was a reason. I still see him on the road, training youngsters half or a third of my age and he seems proud of me. I see him pointing in my direction and the trainee looks at me with a kind of new respect! My husband has taken it on himself to continue from where Mr. Hussain left. I am registered for a life long training. Whenever he is with me in the car the conversation goes like this-
“ Look out! There’s a bump! Slow down a bit. Yeah the boy may choose to cross…blow the horn for him ……….Careful! Caaarefulll….. there is a sppeeeeding mini busss…these fellows are not to be trusted….ah watch out for the cyclist..change the gear………!
Once I offered to take a friend of mine and her husband to another friend’s house for Holi. This friend unfortunately had a stroke and never fully recovered from it. Once I gained enough confidence, I offered to take her around and this particular trip was our first one together. My husband by my side continued to direct me as mentioned above. My friend’s husband got nervous and asked me if I had some problem with my eyesight. I don’t blame him ‘cos my husband kept warning me of bumps and buffalos in the same monotone. Anyone who couldn’t spot a buffalo had to be blind!
You may think I’d be annoyed and dump him on the road. Far from getting annoyed I actually miss his background music when I am on my own. It is like AIR of our times that would keep mumbling something to no one in particular but once put off everyone would miss it. To top it, my husband doesn’t know to drive
All of the above were mentioned just to pull his legs. The real reason is that he has been a caring husband and father that we have no reason to complain. I’ve grown old with him and we sort of compliment each other. I remember phone numbers and addresses while he takes care of bank accounts. He was born on 15th August and I was born on 26th January! We’ve cared and shared and as long as we are together our children can get on with their lives without worrying too much about us.
1) He makes our morning coffee and makes it rather well. I love being pampered to steaming hot coffee early in the morning. All good things have a price tag attached to it and so I too pay a price. He chooses to make the coffee at 5.30 in the morning and starts waking me up from the time he opens his eyes. We stay in an apartment complex that houses 118 flats and our block alone we have 18 flats. I am sure that mothers of school going kids don’t set their alarm clocks. They might be getting up when he wakes me for coffee. So he is actually alarm clock that doubles up for a coffee maker! Please don’t start imagining that he makes coffee out of any great concern for me. His concern is for the cream in the milk and is scared that I might disturb the cream that he carefully removes it from the milk and stores it in the fridge. He later churns it to butter, melts the butter into ghee and finally gives away to any one who is lucky enough to be allowed to consume ghee. Half the urban population has diabetes and blood pressure so the main beneficiaries are our present and ex servants. Gone are the days when servants were given left over food! Anyway they are the only ones who put in physical work and deserve to consume ghee. My ex servant lives some two kilometers from my house and I go to her place on my way to college to give her the ghee that is processed with care.
2) The next important role that my husband plays in my life is that he ‘walks’ me to health. The doctor advised me to walk at least five kilometers a day to keep a check on my blood sugar. My husband hates to pop pills and feels bad that I am on pills for sugar and pressure. He does his bit by accompanying me on a morning walk so that at least my dosage remains the same. On our morning walks he briefs me with world news, extracts from Discovery channel, ‘sansani’ and ‘vardaat’ news from the different channels that he watches when I am away . I am adept at becoming selectively deaf and take in what I feel like and leave out the rest. Much as I like to pull his leg, I must admit that I am touched by his concern and wish to remain well at least for his sake.
3) I was taught to drive a car by a driver from a motor training school. I had just turned 54 and they gave me a driver who was 77 years old! What the logic behind such a choice I wouldn’t know. He took the liberty of scolding me properly whenever I made a mistake and perhaps that was a reason. I still see him on the road, training youngsters half or a third of my age and he seems proud of me. I see him pointing in my direction and the trainee looks at me with a kind of new respect! My husband has taken it on himself to continue from where Mr. Hussain left. I am registered for a life long training. Whenever he is with me in the car the conversation goes like this-
“ Look out! There’s a bump! Slow down a bit. Yeah the boy may choose to cross…blow the horn for him ……….Careful! Caaarefulll….. there is a sppeeeeding mini busss…these fellows are not to be trusted….ah watch out for the cyclist..change the gear………!
Once I offered to take a friend of mine and her husband to another friend’s house for Holi. This friend unfortunately had a stroke and never fully recovered from it. Once I gained enough confidence, I offered to take her around and this particular trip was our first one together. My husband by my side continued to direct me as mentioned above. My friend’s husband got nervous and asked me if I had some problem with my eyesight. I don’t blame him ‘cos my husband kept warning me of bumps and buffalos in the same monotone. Anyone who couldn’t spot a buffalo had to be blind!
You may think I’d be annoyed and dump him on the road. Far from getting annoyed I actually miss his background music when I am on my own. It is like AIR of our times that would keep mumbling something to no one in particular but once put off everyone would miss it. To top it, my husband doesn’t know to drive
All of the above were mentioned just to pull his legs. The real reason is that he has been a caring husband and father that we have no reason to complain. I’ve grown old with him and we sort of compliment each other. I remember phone numbers and addresses while he takes care of bank accounts. He was born on 15th August and I was born on 26th January! We’ve cared and shared and as long as we are together our children can get on with their lives without worrying too much about us.
Monday, September 04, 2006
Dare to be A Daniel!
The founders of our college, Dr. N.K. Singh and his wife Dr. K. Savitri, were ambitious people. They were visionaries who dreamt of establishing a women’s college in the steel city and aimed to make it a college with a difference. The name they gave it was also unique. They called it ‘The Graduate School, College For Women’. I choose to speak of them as ‘founders’ of our college because I find impossible to refer to one person as the founder and leave the other out. We in the college were liked pampered children who would be scolded by ‘Madam’ the principal and pacified by ‘Sir’ the founder! The college was later taken over by the Ranchi University but the spirit of its founders still prevails.
Dr. N.K. Singh started his career as a lecturer in Jamshedpur Co- Operative College. My husband who was student of the college around that time recalls how his students would throng to attend his classes and those who couldn’t get a seat in the lecture hall would wait outside to listen to him. He went on to become the Head of the Commerce Faculty in the college, Dean of the commerce faculty in Ranchi University and Professor in charge of Jharia College near Dhandad. After his retirement, he could have settled down to an evening game of cards and enjoyed a relaxed retired life. However that was not to be. The educationist in him prodded him on to starting a school and as if establishing a college was not enough he gave shape to another of his dreams and founded a school – S.D. Singh Memorial School for Excellence.
The Teacher’s day is just around the corner and I wish to pay a tribute to this great educationist of our times. I am not competent enough to speak of his achievements for there are others who are better equipped to do the job. I speak of him as one who transformed our institute to an extended family to each of who worked in it – Of the values he instilled into our system.
When I joined the college as Lab in Charge, the college was just ten years old. At the time of my interview Madam and Sir were in Ranchi, with madam busy finalizing her Ph. D. thesis. The two of them trusted their teachers from the science faculty, not yet thirty years of age, to conduct the interview and select suitable candidates. They had such faith in their teachers that they accepted their verdict without a question. It was ten years since I had finished my B.Sc. and I was rather very much out of touch with my subject. I had not even known that such a college existed and had applied purely by chance. My HOD later confided that it was evident that I was out of touch but my academic record indicated that I would soon pick up from where I had left. She therefore decided to give me a chance. If our founders trusted her, she trusted me. It is this chain of mutual trust that linked them to each other and the first lesson I learnt was to succeed I had to trust myself as well as others around me!
Another area that stands out among us is the family spirit that we display. When I was new to the college, I was surprised that some senior teachers called the Principal ‘akka’. If madam was ‘akka’, Dr. N.K. Singh was ‘chachaji’ to some of the junior teachers! I do admit that I did feel a trifle left out in this set up. The principal’s PA was an ex student and so was the PTI. The peon in the Principal’s office was an old acquaintance of her family and during practical exams she would cook not only for the examiners but all of us as well! I would be left wondering if this was a function in the family seeing the hospitality shown by her to the examiners. Each new person was accepted into the family fold and we did not just 'work' in the college but ‘lived’ in it. Till today we continue to be fiercely protective of each other’s welfare.
A real teacher is one who can identify the hidden talent in each of her students. He should be able to bring out the best in them. He should be able to address the problems faced by weak students. We are fortunate to be guided by an outstanding educationist of our times, who continues to pick out gems for teachers. Yes, the school founded by him is also a school with a difference. Teachers selected to work in Dr. N.K. Singh’s school are required to take part in an orientation course. Only after being assessed if they are mentally competent enough to face the challenges posed by the profession, are they finally allowed to join the school.
Dr. N.K. Singh is turning seventy-five this year. He still continues to be part of our college. He may still spring surprises and come up with another enterprising program. I can only hope that we stay well enough to cope with this young man’s zest to do his bit, I mean best, for our society.
I end with a song that I loved to sing as a school girl-
Dare to be a Daniel
Dare to stand alone
Dare to have a purpose firm
And dare to make it known
Somehow I feel that these lines sum up the values that we have inherited from our mentor Dr.N.K. Singh and it is our duty to pass it on to the next generation.
Dr. N.K. Singh started his career as a lecturer in Jamshedpur Co- Operative College. My husband who was student of the college around that time recalls how his students would throng to attend his classes and those who couldn’t get a seat in the lecture hall would wait outside to listen to him. He went on to become the Head of the Commerce Faculty in the college, Dean of the commerce faculty in Ranchi University and Professor in charge of Jharia College near Dhandad. After his retirement, he could have settled down to an evening game of cards and enjoyed a relaxed retired life. However that was not to be. The educationist in him prodded him on to starting a school and as if establishing a college was not enough he gave shape to another of his dreams and founded a school – S.D. Singh Memorial School for Excellence.
The Teacher’s day is just around the corner and I wish to pay a tribute to this great educationist of our times. I am not competent enough to speak of his achievements for there are others who are better equipped to do the job. I speak of him as one who transformed our institute to an extended family to each of who worked in it – Of the values he instilled into our system.
When I joined the college as Lab in Charge, the college was just ten years old. At the time of my interview Madam and Sir were in Ranchi, with madam busy finalizing her Ph. D. thesis. The two of them trusted their teachers from the science faculty, not yet thirty years of age, to conduct the interview and select suitable candidates. They had such faith in their teachers that they accepted their verdict without a question. It was ten years since I had finished my B.Sc. and I was rather very much out of touch with my subject. I had not even known that such a college existed and had applied purely by chance. My HOD later confided that it was evident that I was out of touch but my academic record indicated that I would soon pick up from where I had left. She therefore decided to give me a chance. If our founders trusted her, she trusted me. It is this chain of mutual trust that linked them to each other and the first lesson I learnt was to succeed I had to trust myself as well as others around me!
Another area that stands out among us is the family spirit that we display. When I was new to the college, I was surprised that some senior teachers called the Principal ‘akka’. If madam was ‘akka’, Dr. N.K. Singh was ‘chachaji’ to some of the junior teachers! I do admit that I did feel a trifle left out in this set up. The principal’s PA was an ex student and so was the PTI. The peon in the Principal’s office was an old acquaintance of her family and during practical exams she would cook not only for the examiners but all of us as well! I would be left wondering if this was a function in the family seeing the hospitality shown by her to the examiners. Each new person was accepted into the family fold and we did not just 'work' in the college but ‘lived’ in it. Till today we continue to be fiercely protective of each other’s welfare.
A real teacher is one who can identify the hidden talent in each of her students. He should be able to bring out the best in them. He should be able to address the problems faced by weak students. We are fortunate to be guided by an outstanding educationist of our times, who continues to pick out gems for teachers. Yes, the school founded by him is also a school with a difference. Teachers selected to work in Dr. N.K. Singh’s school are required to take part in an orientation course. Only after being assessed if they are mentally competent enough to face the challenges posed by the profession, are they finally allowed to join the school.
Dr. N.K. Singh is turning seventy-five this year. He still continues to be part of our college. He may still spring surprises and come up with another enterprising program. I can only hope that we stay well enough to cope with this young man’s zest to do his bit, I mean best, for our society.
I end with a song that I loved to sing as a school girl-
Dare to be a Daniel
Dare to stand alone
Dare to have a purpose firm
And dare to make it known
Somehow I feel that these lines sum up the values that we have inherited from our mentor Dr.N.K. Singh and it is our duty to pass it on to the next generation.
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