Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Good and evil?

I sometime wonder what makes a person good or for that matter wicked? I feel one is made that way. I am good to people because I find it easier to be so. It is not as if I don’t want to be mean. When ever I find myself at the receiving end of some atrocious behavior of a really mean minded person, I do resolve to pay him/her back with a similar if not worse behavior. I rehearse my dialogue and think of some absolutely mean things to say. I try hard to remember how hurt I felt and announce to anyone who cares to listen that enough was enough and that I was not taking it any more. Days go by and within a few days I find myself looking for excuses to justify the person’s behavior. I decide that she perhaps got up from the wrong side of her bed or that her children –brats that they were- must have given her a tough time. He/she must have had a quarrel with his/her spouse and if not anything else the sultry weather was enough to drive one crazy. Finally I end up deciding that the poor thing considers me a close ally. After all one cannot feel free to yell at strangers. If one can feel relieved by venting out their frustration on me I should be matured enough to handle it. Those younger than me ‘know not what they do/say’ and those older than me ‘have a right to’ be so. I now realize that I should have taken up law. I am rather good at finding excuses for people and I seem to defend my offenders better than they would do for themselves. Too late anyway!

With such an attitude is it any wonder that I cannot remain angry with anyone for long?
Jokes apart I really wonder what makes people mean? I know from experience that people like me are a majority. Absolute angels are almost non existent and really wicked people are also few in number. The problem with those who come across as mean is that they nurse a kind of complex that prevents them from acknowledging that they were wrong. Some of them are in reality absolutely smart people, good organizers, and meticulous planners and have many good qualities that they deliberately cover up. They are basically diffident people who cannot take a set back and what better way to hide their lack of confidence than by throwing tantrums at the drop of a hat.

I am so glad to be what I am. I was never a beauty queen and no amount of ‘malish’ and ‘polish’ could ever make me different. It has been such a luxury not having to worry about my appearance all the while. I had a friend who would go back to the hostel and change her dress if someone in the class wore something similar to hers. She had to be told how good she looked each and every day and as teenagers we had fun at her expense and took turns to say so, while the rest of us suppressed a smile or giggled when she was not looking. She was a topper but could not take it, if on a good day (bad perhaps?) someone else got half a mark more than her. I always felt that her energy ought to have been better utilized. Unfortunately she had no friends when she left college and no one bothered to keep in touch with her.

I feel sorry for such people who actually suffer a lot despite having the best in life. They are wary of losing out on non issues most of which are imagined. In their effort to remain supreme they deny themselves the simple pleasures that life offers. I would really like to help them realize that life is too precious to be wasted on trivialities and little acts of kindness fetch great rewards. But here again I must add that what seems trivial to me may not be all that trivial to them. It may be best to let them lead their life the way they want to because I can neither hope to understand their viewpoint nor expect them to understand mine.


artnavy said...

It is so subjective- right and wrong

I belive no one intentionally wrongs another

They just do not know any better

Just Like That said...

hmmm.. very true- sometimes, I'm fuming at something someone said.. and a couple of weeks later, while I still remember the magnitude of the fumes that spewed forth, I can't remember exactly what it was that got me so irate. Now I wonder if that means that I don't keep a grudge, or that I'm getting old?

Also with you on the maalish and polish. I sometimes joke with Hubs tht he's got a treasure of a wife, who doesn't spend on creams, beauty treatments, trinkets, GOLD...

The Visitor said...

LOL@g'ma. I can quite imagine you losing your steam to get back at someone.
I too have the same problem (of not being angry long enough)- so to avoid the problem I let off steam immediately. It feels nice for maybe 10 secs and then I'd be rueing myself for having behaved that way. :D

A Little Light said...

HHG'mom...if i can ask..whats ur zodiac?

Hip Grandma said...

artnavy:I too agree that right and wrong are mere perceptions of the mind and are highly subjective.But can you insist on being right after having badly hurt a fellow human being whatever the reason?A simple apology can do wonders but how many can bring themselves to admit it?

Just like that: yes most of us are like that.We react as per our mood on a particular day.And half the time we don't even remember what it was all about.

the visitor:I feel ythat one should behave badly and feel nice about having done so.most of us behave badly and end up feeling more hurt than the person whom we wished to hurt.that is double punishment.We may as well behave well and be happy about it.

a little light:I am an aquarian and what ever Linda Goodman has to say about aquarians is true for me too.

Itchingtowrite said...

me too. fume and fume.. think i shud hav told this or that and decide that the next time it hapopens i wil definitely speak out

hillgrandmom said...

I feel that the kind of people who are mean are those who have a complex--as HHG says--as well as those who cannot put themselves in someone else's shoes!

WhatsInAName said...

ok. I see that I am not alone.
I always get my punchlines a wee bit late. Its always "I should have said this" and "I should have done that".
Well, and like you I have a big heart to forgive too :D whether the other person asked for it or not!

Anonymous said...


move over, hip hop gmom, here comes hipper, hopper, grander gmom!!

apologies for the totally unrelated comment (i have not visited this site in the last couple of weeks), but thought that you might find this interesting.

GettingThereNow said...


Hip Grandma said...

ITW:And the next time never comes.I have seen this happen to so many people including myself.

hillg'mom:You are right such people cannot see other people's perspective.

whatsinaname:Let us shake hands!!I am sometimes labelled as being hypocritical and cowardly for these very qualities.You should know that I am not anywhere close.

anon:Thanks for the link.The lady is admirable Applying for a place in her fan club.

GTN:taking up the tag gladly.

Usha said...

I suppose you cannot change people or make them see what is important - they have to learn it from their own experience.
I sometimes feel thankful for the bad experiences I had as a child for they helped me learn a lot of valuable things early in life. In a way I was saved of a lot of hurts later in life.

Anonymous said...


my apologies for forgetting to sign off on my previous comment about the super hip grandmom! :-)

"Thanks for the link."

you are welcome. i've been trying (in vain) to convince my mother to get cable or dsl, but she prefers to chug along on a dial-up connection - i wanted to show her that other gmoms also exist, who only use the internet for e-mails but are hip enough to use lightning speed for it!

- s.b.