Friday, August 09, 2013

Imagining things..............And why not?

I happened to read a comment left by a reader on a post in Women's web and decided to analyze what  my reaction would have been if we had been allowed to have an honest discussion before marriage. If I had been as honest as in this post my marriage would not have taken place at all. It might have been something like this. I call myself PV and my husband KNR. I have written about my life before marriage here . This should give you an idea about the kind of person I was.

KNR: Do you know to speak Hindi?

PV: (To herself) How unromantic. How does it matter?Is he looking for an excuse to reject me?      (Aloud) I can understand. I am out of touch now. But why do you ask?

KNR: Just like that.

PV: I will pick up soon.

KNR: Good. Do you want to know anything about me or my family?

PV: Do you have a library near your house? I would want to become a member. By the way do you read books? Have you read Nevil Shute? He is awesome.

KNR: I must ask my mother. She is the decision maker in my family.

(To himself) Is the library my family? And why doesn't she marry Nevil Shute? Awesome... my foot.

PV: (to herself) No library means no marriage. How can I not read books?

(Aloud) I need to keep myself occupied. Moreover I cannot get sleep unless I read a few pages each night. I am sure your mother will understand. By the way, do you get The Hindu in your place? I don't like any other newspaper. I regularly read Art Buchwald. He is so funny.

KNR: You will have a lot of house work to do. That should keep you occupied. We get The Hindu two days late so we buy The Statesman that is published in Calcutta.

PV: (To herself) Don't they have servants? I would not mind reading The Hindu that is two days late. (Aloud) I need to do something in my free time. Maybe I could teach slum kids to read and write.

KNR:  (To himself) Good God! There is no way amma would let her do it.  Having slum kids in the house is ridiculous. And she is not going to let her go out on her own in the initial months. Neighbors may start gossiping.

(Aloud) My mother makes awesome sweets and savories. You could pick up recipes from her.

PV:  (To herself) Am I marrying his mother? Why does he bring her in all the time? And I have no    interest in trying out recipes.

(Aloud) You seem to be very fond of your mother.

KNR: Everyone in our family goes by her decision. She knows what is best for us. 

PV: (To herself) What a pest of a woman. (Aloud) You work in a lab don't you?

KNR: (To himself) At last she asks something about me. All this while she was worried about membership in the local library. Doesn't she want to know about life in our town?

(Aloud)Yes, we do steel melting. (Explains the process in detail and half of it does not even register in PV's mind).

PV: You have relatives in the south. Do you visit often?
(To herself) If this is so I too can come home every year.

KNR: My parents come when there is a wedding or death in the family. My younger sister stays back   to cook for me and my brother.

PV: (Horrified) What? She is only twenty years old and is in college I hear.
 And she is left behind tocook for her brothers? I find this ridiculous.

KNR: What is so ridiculous about it?She has been learning to cook from the age of thirteen. She can cook for fifty people.

PV: Fifty people? I cannot cook for five?

KNR: What? You haven't learned to cook? How come your mother let you off so easily? My mother was very particular about teaching my sister housekeeping.

PV: My mother says that cooking is something a woman does all her life. She needs to relax and learn things at her own pace. I cook only if and when I feel like it. I read, write letters to friends, watch movies in the theater, play board games like chess with my brothers.For me cooking is not a priority. In our family daughters in law are gradually initiated into the household.

KNR: It is the exact opposite in our family. Daughters in laws take charge as soon as they arrive.

PV: (To herself)  Good Lord what am I getting myself into? Must talk to mummy. We're nothing alike!.
 KNR: (To himself) What kind of person is she? Wants to play board games and read the newspaper but has no inclination to run the house. I must talk to amma.We seem to be exact opposites!

I agree that my marriage took place forty years ago and times were different. But it is equally amazing how two entirely different persons bonded over time. Even if I had actually had this imaginary conversation my mother would have rubbished my fears and would have known that with time I would learn that marriage was not a fairy tale and expectations rarely tally with reality


Sri said...

Hahahaha..this is such a cute post!!!

Hats off to you for being so cool!!

When i first met my hubby , i clearly told him and his family that i didnt know to cook! My MIL was shocked and told my hubby on the way back that i had lots of guts for telling so!!

Dotm said...

Wonderful hearing from you. HUbby was an Orderly in our local Hospital when I started working there shortly after graduation from High School as a Nurse`s Aid. At first sight in the cafeteria the first night at work I saw this handsome blond fellow sitting near the back of the room with another girl. I was attracted to him at sight, but seeing him with a girl meant hands off, he was taken. Then this same girl told me they were just friends, nothing more. Next rumor was he was married, definitely not for me then. Later learned he wasn`t married. Had been refusing to date him for a few months, then one night was running a high fever at work,, while walking to the bus line, along he came in his car asking if I wanted a ride home. Another worker yelled to me- Either get in and let him take you home, or let the poor fellow go home- he has to be back at work at 7Am . We had just worked the 3pm till 11 pm shift. That was how we met- married little over 50 years when lost him, back in 2002. Will be e-mailing you soon.

Dotm said...

trying to change my e-mail address as roadrunner doesn`t open some of the time. Works better with

an old one from when
Hotmail was the only one where I could add a blog years back. Learned it still works.

dr.antony said...

Hi ! After so long

Hope everything is fine with you. I am also looking at some of the older posts. I missed so much.

Anonymous said...

Happy teachers day!


Hip Grandma said...

Hi all,
Thanks for your inputs. I have had a busy month and could not access the computer or i Pad as much I wanted to.

Dotm:I am in California and the time zone being different I could not call you. I will get in touch after I get to Pittsburgh in about two weeks.

dr.antony:I haven't been regular myself. But hope to be able to resume soon.

Passerby: Thank you. That was so sweet. You have been encouraging me from the time I started blogging.

Dotm said...

Happy to know you are ok. Glad they didn`t have computers and I pods when my kids were growing up so they learned how to do other things, especially spending more time outside. You will have some wonderful memories with the family to take back home. Everyone seems to grow up too fast during the time when we do not see them. I also have relations that I seldom see because they live too far from me. Take care and enjoy your vacation.