Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Back to business!!


My research project is over and the final report has been drafted, approved and sent off to be bound. A little bit of writing work - like what was achieved by this work and how it would benefit society etc - remains. But the strain of poring into the microscope and identifying microorganisms is over. 

Did I enjoy my work? Of course I did. Do I want to take up another project? No, thanks. The next generation can continue from where we left. My house and family need my undivided attention. Husband has been sulking for too long and towards the end he even threatened to throw my laptop into the very river that was the subject of our investigation. I don't blame him. As I have said earlier, I am the only friend he has and it has been 14 years since he retired from service. He has his own opinion on political and social issues and cannot wait for me to get home to listen to his point of view. And apart from the time I served him his meals I would sit down with my laptop either  identifying the specimen that were micro-photographed, feeding data into tables or preparing graphs and charts. Sundays and holidays would be utilized for field work or visits to my Principal Investigator's or Ph. D guide's home for discussion. Summer vacation just came and went. I either went to college or worked at home engrossed in my work as usual. Husband was patient enough but became irritable towards the end.

I now come to my question on the issue.

I am passionate about whatever I do and do go overboard at times. But if our roles were reversed and it was my husband who was busy with some project taken up by him would I feel lonely and left out? I think not. 

Instead of sulking and pouting I would have occupied myself with umpteen chores that now remain unattended in the house. For instance I would have cleared the store room and disposed of the old  news papers and magazines. I would have seen to it that the house was tidied up and looked neat when he returned. And I would certainly not expect him to make tea and snacks for me within ten minutes of entering the house. Lastly, I would find some socially productive work to keep myself busy.

I do not know if I am being uncharitable but if our men folk show lack of understanding ( after all my project work would not continue for the next ten years) it is the woman/women who pamper them who has to accept blame. For my part, I agree that I played a role in making my husband an enabler.


Deepa said...

I just laughed at your post :) I am glad that even the previous generation thinks alike..you are blessed in a way that he seeks your company :) With such a scenario, my dad will be relieved and spend endless time with crosswords and reading 3-4 sets of newspapers. I think it is the personality of people than the gender....

radha said...

So true. My spouse also keeps complaining that when I take up a task it is always an obsession!!! Why not? And sure, when they do take up a project we give our wholehearted support. But it is our fault that we made them thus.

HelpAge India said...

Loved your blog :) Keep going strong #HipHopGrandmom Do you have a twitter account? Do tweet to us at @HelpAgeIndia_ and we'd love to get back!

Warmest Regards:

HelpAge India (New Delhi) office.

Sue said...

You know, HHG, I wish more husbands read your blog.

I hope you've had a nice, lazy time this last one month.

Anonymous said...


I am curious why your husband has no friends other than you. Did he not have friends throughout his working career (and later) who visited your house and your family went to visit theirs? Surely you have a lot of family friends. I am confused why he does not interact with them (it appears from this post that he is not doing so).

- Porcupyn (porcupyn.wordpress.com)

Hip Grandma said...

porcupyn: my husband is not a great socializer. He is normally content to visit people when invited and happiest when he has the TV for company and remote in hand. His office buddies are now retired and most have moved out of Jamshedpur or are busy tending to grandchildren. There are quite a few senior citizen in our colony but he restricts his interaction with them to a polite nod or a helo.