Hi Friends,
I'm stuck with a faulty phone line and cannot access my blog as much as I'd like to.India being India the telephone services aren't prompt.It is 3 days since I've complained and no one has turned up to check it yet.I'll get back soon.In the mean time I'll get used to life here and make the best out of it.My college has reopened and a new building was inaugurated yesterday.More abt. it later.I see Passerby is back after her sabbatical.How did you enjoy your break?I'll be back ASAP.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Let us contribute
Reporters Without Borders / Internet Freedom desk
REPORTERS WITHOUT BORDERS URGES INTERNET USERS TO JOIN
IN 24-HOUR ONLINE DEMO AGAINST INTERNET CENSORSHIP
Where: www.rsf.org
When : 11 A.M. on 7 November to 11 A.M. on 8 November
No one should ever be prevented from posting news
online or writing a blog, but they are in the 13
countries singled out by Reporters Without Borders for
a 24-hour online protest against Internet censorship.
Worldwide, 61 people are currently in prison for
posting "subversive" content on a blog or website.
Reporters Without Borders is compiling a list of 13
countries whose governments are "Internet enemies"
because they censor and block online content that
criticises them. The Internet scares. Censors of every
kind exploit its flaws and attack those who pin their
hopes on it. Multinationals such as Yahoo! cooperate
with the Chinese government in filtering the Internet
and tracking down cyber-dissidents.
The defence of online free expression and the fate of
bloggers in repressive countries concern everyone. So
Reporters Without Borders is offering Internet users
tools to campaign against Internet predators and is
calling on them to participate in an INTERNATIONAL
CYBER-DEMO.
Everyone is invited to support this struggle by
connecting to the Reporters Without Borders website
(www.rsf.org) between 11 a.m. (Paris time) on Tuesday,
7 November, and 11 a.m. on Wednesday, 8 November.
Each click will help to change the "Internet Black
Holes" map and help to combat censorship. As many
people as possible must participate so that this
operation
Can be a success and have an impact on those
governments that try to seal off what is meant to be a
space where people can express themselves freely.
Protests will also be staged by Reporters Without
Borders bureaux around the world to condemn Internet
censorship and ethical misconduct of the Internet
giants when operating in one of these countries.
Reporters Without Borders will publish the list of the
13 Internet enemies on 7 November and at the same time
will launch its blog platform, rsfblog, and an
Arabic-language version of its press freedom website.
The agency Saatchi & Saatchi has created an Internet
ad calling on the entire Internet community to take
part in the 24-hour campaign. All media, websites and
blogs that want to support this large-scale protest
are invited to get in touch with Cédric Gervet at
+331 4483-8474.
REPORTERS WITHOUT BORDERS URGES INTERNET USERS TO JOIN
IN 24-HOUR ONLINE DEMO AGAINST INTERNET CENSORSHIP
Where: www.rsf.org
When : 11 A.M. on 7 November to 11 A.M. on 8 November
No one should ever be prevented from posting news
online or writing a blog, but they are in the 13
countries singled out by Reporters Without Borders for
a 24-hour online protest against Internet censorship.
Worldwide, 61 people are currently in prison for
posting "subversive" content on a blog or website.
Reporters Without Borders is compiling a list of 13
countries whose governments are "Internet enemies"
because they censor and block online content that
criticises them. The Internet scares. Censors of every
kind exploit its flaws and attack those who pin their
hopes on it. Multinationals such as Yahoo! cooperate
with the Chinese government in filtering the Internet
and tracking down cyber-dissidents.
The defence of online free expression and the fate of
bloggers in repressive countries concern everyone. So
Reporters Without Borders is offering Internet users
tools to campaign against Internet predators and is
calling on them to participate in an INTERNATIONAL
CYBER-DEMO.
Everyone is invited to support this struggle by
connecting to the Reporters Without Borders website
(www.rsf.org) between 11 a.m. (Paris time) on Tuesday,
7 November, and 11 a.m. on Wednesday, 8 November.
Each click will help to change the "Internet Black
Holes" map and help to combat censorship. As many
people as possible must participate so that this
operation
Can be a success and have an impact on those
governments that try to seal off what is meant to be a
space where people can express themselves freely.
Protests will also be staged by Reporters Without
Borders bureaux around the world to condemn Internet
censorship and ethical misconduct of the Internet
giants when operating in one of these countries.
Reporters Without Borders will publish the list of the
13 Internet enemies on 7 November and at the same time
will launch its blog platform, rsfblog, and an
Arabic-language version of its press freedom website.
The agency Saatchi & Saatchi has created an Internet
ad calling on the entire Internet community to take
part in the 24-hour campaign. All media, websites and
blogs that want to support this large-scale protest
are invited to get in touch with Cédric Gervet at
+331 4483-8474.
Saturday, October 28, 2006
My version of KANK
Though Though this piece is written in first person it is based on events that took place in two different families. I write in first person to save my own skin as also because the combination of events has given rise to an entirely different story that cannot be solely attributed to either one or the other family.
“I plan to marry Pammi,” Announced my twenty five year old son Manu. “We plan to have a civil marriage next week.”
May we know who Pammi happens to be?” I asked speaking for my husband as well. “ I don’t think I’ve met her.”
“Pammi is a colleague of mine. She joined our company last week.” My son was kind enough to inform me. But this piece of enlightenment was a little too much for me to handle.
“ Don’t you think you’re rushing things.” I ventured to ask in as mild a tone as possible for fear of annoying him. “I mean you hardly know each other. Moreover, I thought you were interested in Vidya.”
“I still am but her mom does not approve of me.” Said Manu “ I want to show her that Vidya isn’t the only girl in the world. I therefore proposed to Pamela Singh, Pammi for short. Moreover you too hardly knew daddy before marriage. If your marriage worked so will ours.”
“But how can you be interested in Vidya and marry Pammi? And why doesn’t Vidya’s mom approve of you?” I was confused.
“ How does Vidya feel about it?”
Manu was beginning to get impatient.
“The problem with your generation is that you ask too many questions. If Vidya’s mom doesn’t approve of me that’s her problem not mine. As for Vidya, she does not have a problem with my marrying Pammi. She was rather nice about it. In fact the very idea was hers. Leave it mummy you won’t understand. After marriage we’ll be moving into a flat of our own. It is closer to our office. It is getting late so let me go. I can’t stand and talk to you all day. By the way I won’t be repeating all this to daddy. Pass on the information to him.”
My head started reeling. My son seemed to be speaking an alien language. In our times people had arranged marriages and the entire family including a whole lot of uncles and aunts joined together to make the function a success. Grandparents supervised the arrangements and one dared not go against their suggestions. Of course there were a few who married a person of their choice but these marriages were not well received.
Later there came a time when children chose their partners and parents got them married, grudgingly or otherwise. Unlike love marriages of the previous generation these were calculated ventures where the head ruled over the heart. I could not categorize my son’s marriage to a girl whom he hardly knew. If it was not arranged by either set of parents, it was also not a marriage that could be called love marriage. My son wanted to settle scores with his girl friend’s mother and the girl was also game to it. I wondered how my son’s fiancée felt about it. I was kind of sure that she would back out on hearing about Vidya’s interest in Manu. I decided to talk to her.
“Oh yes aunty.” Pammi seemed to be quite at ease on being told about Vidya. “ I know about Vidya and Manish. He also knows about Peter and me.”
“Peter!” I could take no more of it “ Now who is this Peter?”
“ My ex husband” replied the girl “ We’re divorced now”
I tried to be patient.
“Listen child, I have no problem with your divorce.” I said in as sweet a voice as I could manage. “ But don’t you think that both of you are rushing things. Where is the need to marry within a week?”
“ Manish may have forgotten to tell you but let me clarify.” She said. “ Vidya is marrying Diwakar in a fortnight. We want to marry before that.”
“I presume Diwakar has been properly briefed and hopefully plans to attend your wedding along with Vidya.” I was glad to be able to understand the mindset of the next generation. Better late than never!
“I’m glad you get the point. Now if you don’t mind I have to leave for a meeting. Bye! See you at our wedding.” The girl waved a hasty goodbye and sped off in her car.
I went home and conveyed the information to my parents in law. They were somehow able to take the news in their stride.
“ We hear of children living together before marriage,” said my mother in law “ Manu at least plans to marry the girl. All we can do is to put on a brave front and wish them well.”
‘Very practical.’ I thought ‘ Will it work?’ I wondered.
To be frank it didn’t.
The problem was not the usual mother in law/daughter in law struggle to prove their monopoly or adjustment hurdles in a joint family. In fact Pammi got on rather well not only with us but also with a host of relatives including my parents in law. She’d take my father in law to the doctor and drop my mother in law at the temple and they were all praise for her. She visited us regularly and was warm and affectionate. In fact I regretted my earlier error in judgment. Two years had gone by and their marriage seemed to work well enough or so I thought.
One fine day Pammi walked out of our lives very much the way she walked in! Again it was Manu who broke the news.
“ Pammi has left for Mumbai” he announced, “ We are applying for a divorce.”
“But why?” I asked, “You both seemed so happy. What went wrong?”
“Nothing went wrong mummy,” explained my son. “It’s only that we are both very busy and have no time for each other. Though in the same office we hardly meet. Our schedule is erratic and weekends hectic. Rather than live as strangers in the same house we decided to part ways. She’s getting a transfer with promotion and I decided to let go. No ill feelings at all.”
Suddenly the telephone rang and I picked it up. It was Pammi calling from Mumbai.
“Sorry aunty I had to join immediately. So I could not say goodbye in person. Could you please ask Manish to arrange for a nurse to attend to my mother? She is not keeping well and I don’t want her to stay alone. Also ask him to call on her whenever possible. I am rather worried.”
Manu took the phone from me.
“ Hi Pammi! Settling down in Bombay?” he did not sound upset in the least. “ Don’t worry about your mom. I’ll be visiting her as often as possible and as for the nurse I’ve spoken to an agent and he’ll arrange for one. I’ll let you know in a day or two. Take care and be in touch.”
I stood by his side staring into his face with a Zombie like expression.
‘What went wrong?’ I wondered aloud.
“Nothing went wrong,” said my husband who had been listening to our conversation from his room, “ its time we retired gracefully from our duties as parents and let our children lead their lives. They’re under immense pressure and are better off without our interference. They have problems but are equipped to handle them. Have you not heard of Vanaprasthashram mentioned in our scriptures? It is now time to let go.”
And of course he was right!
“I plan to marry Pammi,” Announced my twenty five year old son Manu. “We plan to have a civil marriage next week.”
May we know who Pammi happens to be?” I asked speaking for my husband as well. “ I don’t think I’ve met her.”
“Pammi is a colleague of mine. She joined our company last week.” My son was kind enough to inform me. But this piece of enlightenment was a little too much for me to handle.
“ Don’t you think you’re rushing things.” I ventured to ask in as mild a tone as possible for fear of annoying him. “I mean you hardly know each other. Moreover, I thought you were interested in Vidya.”
“I still am but her mom does not approve of me.” Said Manu “ I want to show her that Vidya isn’t the only girl in the world. I therefore proposed to Pamela Singh, Pammi for short. Moreover you too hardly knew daddy before marriage. If your marriage worked so will ours.”
“But how can you be interested in Vidya and marry Pammi? And why doesn’t Vidya’s mom approve of you?” I was confused.
“ How does Vidya feel about it?”
Manu was beginning to get impatient.
“The problem with your generation is that you ask too many questions. If Vidya’s mom doesn’t approve of me that’s her problem not mine. As for Vidya, she does not have a problem with my marrying Pammi. She was rather nice about it. In fact the very idea was hers. Leave it mummy you won’t understand. After marriage we’ll be moving into a flat of our own. It is closer to our office. It is getting late so let me go. I can’t stand and talk to you all day. By the way I won’t be repeating all this to daddy. Pass on the information to him.”
My head started reeling. My son seemed to be speaking an alien language. In our times people had arranged marriages and the entire family including a whole lot of uncles and aunts joined together to make the function a success. Grandparents supervised the arrangements and one dared not go against their suggestions. Of course there were a few who married a person of their choice but these marriages were not well received.
Later there came a time when children chose their partners and parents got them married, grudgingly or otherwise. Unlike love marriages of the previous generation these were calculated ventures where the head ruled over the heart. I could not categorize my son’s marriage to a girl whom he hardly knew. If it was not arranged by either set of parents, it was also not a marriage that could be called love marriage. My son wanted to settle scores with his girl friend’s mother and the girl was also game to it. I wondered how my son’s fiancée felt about it. I was kind of sure that she would back out on hearing about Vidya’s interest in Manu. I decided to talk to her.
“Oh yes aunty.” Pammi seemed to be quite at ease on being told about Vidya. “ I know about Vidya and Manish. He also knows about Peter and me.”
“Peter!” I could take no more of it “ Now who is this Peter?”
“ My ex husband” replied the girl “ We’re divorced now”
I tried to be patient.
“Listen child, I have no problem with your divorce.” I said in as sweet a voice as I could manage. “ But don’t you think that both of you are rushing things. Where is the need to marry within a week?”
“ Manish may have forgotten to tell you but let me clarify.” She said. “ Vidya is marrying Diwakar in a fortnight. We want to marry before that.”
“I presume Diwakar has been properly briefed and hopefully plans to attend your wedding along with Vidya.” I was glad to be able to understand the mindset of the next generation. Better late than never!
“I’m glad you get the point. Now if you don’t mind I have to leave for a meeting. Bye! See you at our wedding.” The girl waved a hasty goodbye and sped off in her car.
I went home and conveyed the information to my parents in law. They were somehow able to take the news in their stride.
“ We hear of children living together before marriage,” said my mother in law “ Manu at least plans to marry the girl. All we can do is to put on a brave front and wish them well.”
‘Very practical.’ I thought ‘ Will it work?’ I wondered.
To be frank it didn’t.
The problem was not the usual mother in law/daughter in law struggle to prove their monopoly or adjustment hurdles in a joint family. In fact Pammi got on rather well not only with us but also with a host of relatives including my parents in law. She’d take my father in law to the doctor and drop my mother in law at the temple and they were all praise for her. She visited us regularly and was warm and affectionate. In fact I regretted my earlier error in judgment. Two years had gone by and their marriage seemed to work well enough or so I thought.
One fine day Pammi walked out of our lives very much the way she walked in! Again it was Manu who broke the news.
“ Pammi has left for Mumbai” he announced, “ We are applying for a divorce.”
“But why?” I asked, “You both seemed so happy. What went wrong?”
“Nothing went wrong mummy,” explained my son. “It’s only that we are both very busy and have no time for each other. Though in the same office we hardly meet. Our schedule is erratic and weekends hectic. Rather than live as strangers in the same house we decided to part ways. She’s getting a transfer with promotion and I decided to let go. No ill feelings at all.”
Suddenly the telephone rang and I picked it up. It was Pammi calling from Mumbai.
“Sorry aunty I had to join immediately. So I could not say goodbye in person. Could you please ask Manish to arrange for a nurse to attend to my mother? She is not keeping well and I don’t want her to stay alone. Also ask him to call on her whenever possible. I am rather worried.”
Manu took the phone from me.
“ Hi Pammi! Settling down in Bombay?” he did not sound upset in the least. “ Don’t worry about your mom. I’ll be visiting her as often as possible and as for the nurse I’ve spoken to an agent and he’ll arrange for one. I’ll let you know in a day or two. Take care and be in touch.”
I stood by his side staring into his face with a Zombie like expression.
‘What went wrong?’ I wondered aloud.
“Nothing went wrong,” said my husband who had been listening to our conversation from his room, “ its time we retired gracefully from our duties as parents and let our children lead their lives. They’re under immense pressure and are better off without our interference. They have problems but are equipped to handle them. Have you not heard of Vanaprasthashram mentioned in our scriptures? It is now time to let go.”
And of course he was right!
Monday, October 23, 2006
Golden Retirement
A Warning: Iwould advise my male reders to refrain from reading this "Women Only" post if they are unable to accept a little leg pulling from me. This was an article published in the August 2nd 2004 edition Newsweek. I enjoyed the article immensely and took the magazine back with me to India. It remained in the suitcase and popped up when I was arranging my belongings in preparation for my return journey. It was as enjoyable as it was 2 years back and made me realize with amusement that human beings are the same everywhere.It was written by Jan Zeh and if I had her e mail ID I'd have written to her myself on her wonderful sense of humor. Please go ahead and enjoy reading the article as 'mirth that hath no bitter spring'
The ‘Golden Years’ are beginning to tarnish
by Jan Zeh
After 45 years and one son, I thought the best was yet to come. Then my husband retired.
My worst nightmare has become reality. My husband retired. As the CEO of his own software company, he used to make important decisions daily. Now he decides when to take a nap and for how long. He does not play golf, tennis or bridge, which means that he is at home for what it seems like 48 hours a day. That’s a lot of togetherness.
Much has changed since he stopped working. My husband now defines sleeping in as staying in bed until 6 a.m. He often walks in the morning for exercise but says he can’t walk if he gets up late.Late is 5:30. His morning routine is to take out the dog, plug in the coffee and await the morning newspaper. (And it better not be late!) When the paper finally arrives, his favorite section is the obits. He reads each and every one – often aloud – and becomes angry if the deceased’s age is not listed. I’d like to work on my crossword puzzle in peace. When I bring this to his attention, he stops briefly – but soon finds another article that must be shared.
Some retirement couple enjoy this time of life together. Usually these are couple who are not dependent on their spouses for their happiness and well – being. My husband is not one of these individuals. Many wives I’ve spoken to, identify with my experience and are happy to know that they’re not alone. One friend told me that when her husband retired, he grew a strip of Velcro on his side and attached himself to her. They were married 43 years and she hinted that they may not make it to 44. Another woman said that her husband not only takes her to the beauty shop, but goes inside and waits! Another said her husband follows her everywhere but to the bathroom…..and that’s only because she locks the bathroom door.
When I leave the house my husband asks:” Where are you going?” followed by “When will you be back?” Even when I’m at home he needs to know where I am every moment. “Where is Jan?” he asks the dog. This is bad enough but atleast he hasn’t velcroed himself to me - yet.
I often see retired people shopping together in the grocery store. Usually they are arguing. I hate it when my husband goes shopping with me. He takes charge of the cart and disappears. With my arms full of cans, I have to search the aisles until I locate the cart, which is now loaded with strange smelling cheeses, high fat snacks and greasy sausages none of which were on the shopping list.
Putting up with annoying habits is easier when the hubby is at work all day and at home only in the evenings and weekends. But little annoying habits become BIG annoying habits when done on a daily basis. Hearing my husband yell and curse at the TV during the evening news was bad enough when he was working and it was just once a day. Now he has all day to get riled up watching Fox News. Sometimes leaving the houseisn’t even a satisfying reprieve. When I went out of town for a week and put him in charge of the house and animals, I returned to have my parrot greet me with a mouth full of expletives and deep bellied belches. It wasn’t hard to figure out what had been going on in my absence.
Not that my husband has any problems acting out while I am around. He recently noticed that our cat had been climbing the palm trees, causing their leaves to bend. His solution? Buy a huge roll of barbed wire and wrap the trunks. After wrapping 10 palms he looked like he had been in a fight with the tiger and the house took on the appearance of a high security prison. Neighbors stopped mid-stride while on their daily walks to stare. I stayed out of sight. In the mean time, the cat learnt to negotiate the barbed wires and climbed the palms anyway.
It is now another hot, dry summer, and the leaves on our trees are starting to fall. Yesterday my husband decided to take the dog out for some fresh air. They stood in the driveway while he counted the leaves falling from the ash tree. Aloud. Another meaningful retirement activity.
I Think my husband enjoys being at home with me. I am the one with the problem. I am the person who wants a lot of “alone time” and I get crazy when someone is following me around or wanting to know my every move. My husband is full of questions and comments when I am on the phone, working on my computer or taking time out to read.It is his way of telling me that he wants to be included, wanted and needed. I love that he cares – but he still drives me up the wall.
I receive a lot of catalogs. In one there is an advertisement that says GROW OLD WITH ME. THE BEST IS YET TO BE. Another catalog has a different pillow. It reads SCREW THE GOLDEN YEARS. Right now it is a toss up as to which pillow will best describe out retirement years together. Just don’t ask me while I am working on my crossword puzzle.
The ‘Golden Years’ are beginning to tarnish
by Jan Zeh
After 45 years and one son, I thought the best was yet to come. Then my husband retired.
My worst nightmare has become reality. My husband retired. As the CEO of his own software company, he used to make important decisions daily. Now he decides when to take a nap and for how long. He does not play golf, tennis or bridge, which means that he is at home for what it seems like 48 hours a day. That’s a lot of togetherness.
Much has changed since he stopped working. My husband now defines sleeping in as staying in bed until 6 a.m. He often walks in the morning for exercise but says he can’t walk if he gets up late.Late is 5:30. His morning routine is to take out the dog, plug in the coffee and await the morning newspaper. (And it better not be late!) When the paper finally arrives, his favorite section is the obits. He reads each and every one – often aloud – and becomes angry if the deceased’s age is not listed. I’d like to work on my crossword puzzle in peace. When I bring this to his attention, he stops briefly – but soon finds another article that must be shared.
Some retirement couple enjoy this time of life together. Usually these are couple who are not dependent on their spouses for their happiness and well – being. My husband is not one of these individuals. Many wives I’ve spoken to, identify with my experience and are happy to know that they’re not alone. One friend told me that when her husband retired, he grew a strip of Velcro on his side and attached himself to her. They were married 43 years and she hinted that they may not make it to 44. Another woman said that her husband not only takes her to the beauty shop, but goes inside and waits! Another said her husband follows her everywhere but to the bathroom…..and that’s only because she locks the bathroom door.
When I leave the house my husband asks:” Where are you going?” followed by “When will you be back?” Even when I’m at home he needs to know where I am every moment. “Where is Jan?” he asks the dog. This is bad enough but atleast he hasn’t velcroed himself to me - yet.
I often see retired people shopping together in the grocery store. Usually they are arguing. I hate it when my husband goes shopping with me. He takes charge of the cart and disappears. With my arms full of cans, I have to search the aisles until I locate the cart, which is now loaded with strange smelling cheeses, high fat snacks and greasy sausages none of which were on the shopping list.
Putting up with annoying habits is easier when the hubby is at work all day and at home only in the evenings and weekends. But little annoying habits become BIG annoying habits when done on a daily basis. Hearing my husband yell and curse at the TV during the evening news was bad enough when he was working and it was just once a day. Now he has all day to get riled up watching Fox News. Sometimes leaving the houseisn’t even a satisfying reprieve. When I went out of town for a week and put him in charge of the house and animals, I returned to have my parrot greet me with a mouth full of expletives and deep bellied belches. It wasn’t hard to figure out what had been going on in my absence.
Not that my husband has any problems acting out while I am around. He recently noticed that our cat had been climbing the palm trees, causing their leaves to bend. His solution? Buy a huge roll of barbed wire and wrap the trunks. After wrapping 10 palms he looked like he had been in a fight with the tiger and the house took on the appearance of a high security prison. Neighbors stopped mid-stride while on their daily walks to stare. I stayed out of sight. In the mean time, the cat learnt to negotiate the barbed wires and climbed the palms anyway.
It is now another hot, dry summer, and the leaves on our trees are starting to fall. Yesterday my husband decided to take the dog out for some fresh air. They stood in the driveway while he counted the leaves falling from the ash tree. Aloud. Another meaningful retirement activity.
I Think my husband enjoys being at home with me. I am the one with the problem. I am the person who wants a lot of “alone time” and I get crazy when someone is following me around or wanting to know my every move. My husband is full of questions and comments when I am on the phone, working on my computer or taking time out to read.It is his way of telling me that he wants to be included, wanted and needed. I love that he cares – but he still drives me up the wall.
I receive a lot of catalogs. In one there is an advertisement that says GROW OLD WITH ME. THE BEST IS YET TO BE. Another catalog has a different pillow. It reads SCREW THE GOLDEN YEARS. Right now it is a toss up as to which pillow will best describe out retirement years together. Just don’t ask me while I am working on my crossword puzzle.
Monday, October 16, 2006
Happy Diwali!!
Deepavali is approaching and I take this opportunity to wish all of you a ‘HAPPY DIWALI AND A PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR’.
I was reminded of the time when we lived in company quarters some 20 years back. I would celebrate Deepavali the traditional Tamilian way and we would bathe and wear new clothes before daybreak. There were about 6 tamilian families in the immediate neighborhood and we’d compete to see who burst the first cracker. Exchange of sweets would start around six in the morning and the first door to knock would be that of the Sinhas who lived just below our flat.
Mrs. Sinha would invariably grumble about the ruckus we created and found our Deepavali celebration very odd.
“Deepavali is a festival of lamps and is to be celebrated in the evening. You Tamilians seem to be opposite to us in so many ways”, she’d say.
Not knowing how best to defend myself, I’d stay quiet or say that we found it odd to wait till evening to burst crackers. I’d also add that since I finished celebrating Diwali in the morning I was free to prepare laddoos for her in the afternoon. Yes, on Diwali day, I had the enthusiasm to prepare laddoos for her too. Her family looked forward to the treat with a lot of eagerness.
Many years later, after they moved to another area and we were not able to meet regularly during Diwali and Holi, I stumbled upon an explanation for the difference in the time of Deepavali celebration of in the south as compared to the northern India. A friend of mine explained to me that Lord Ram after conquering Ravan crossed Tamilnadu at daybreak and reached Ayodhya in the evening and this is the reason why Tamilians celebrate Diwali in the morning and people in the north wait till evening to do the same. Well, Deepavali is celebrated to mark the victory of Lord Krishna over Narakasura in Tamilnadu and Lord Rama doesn’t actually come into the picture as far as I know. However my friend’s explanation seemed acceptable enough. Unfortunately I did not get a chance to offer the explanation to Mrs. Sinha and since she is no more I never will be able to pull her legs about it.
Whether it was Lord Ram’s victory or Lord Krishna’s is not an important issue. What is important is that we all have a Ram and a Ravan residing right within us and let us try to conquer the evil forces in our minds and in society by using the good side of our nature to crush evil beyond recognition and celebrate our success with carefree abandon by spreading the message of universal brotherhood. Happy Diwali once again!
I was reminded of the time when we lived in company quarters some 20 years back. I would celebrate Deepavali the traditional Tamilian way and we would bathe and wear new clothes before daybreak. There were about 6 tamilian families in the immediate neighborhood and we’d compete to see who burst the first cracker. Exchange of sweets would start around six in the morning and the first door to knock would be that of the Sinhas who lived just below our flat.
Mrs. Sinha would invariably grumble about the ruckus we created and found our Deepavali celebration very odd.
“Deepavali is a festival of lamps and is to be celebrated in the evening. You Tamilians seem to be opposite to us in so many ways”, she’d say.
Not knowing how best to defend myself, I’d stay quiet or say that we found it odd to wait till evening to burst crackers. I’d also add that since I finished celebrating Diwali in the morning I was free to prepare laddoos for her in the afternoon. Yes, on Diwali day, I had the enthusiasm to prepare laddoos for her too. Her family looked forward to the treat with a lot of eagerness.
Many years later, after they moved to another area and we were not able to meet regularly during Diwali and Holi, I stumbled upon an explanation for the difference in the time of Deepavali celebration of in the south as compared to the northern India. A friend of mine explained to me that Lord Ram after conquering Ravan crossed Tamilnadu at daybreak and reached Ayodhya in the evening and this is the reason why Tamilians celebrate Diwali in the morning and people in the north wait till evening to do the same. Well, Deepavali is celebrated to mark the victory of Lord Krishna over Narakasura in Tamilnadu and Lord Rama doesn’t actually come into the picture as far as I know. However my friend’s explanation seemed acceptable enough. Unfortunately I did not get a chance to offer the explanation to Mrs. Sinha and since she is no more I never will be able to pull her legs about it.
Whether it was Lord Ram’s victory or Lord Krishna’s is not an important issue. What is important is that we all have a Ram and a Ravan residing right within us and let us try to conquer the evil forces in our minds and in society by using the good side of our nature to crush evil beyond recognition and celebrate our success with carefree abandon by spreading the message of universal brotherhood. Happy Diwali once again!
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Tag of heights...
I took a long time to do this tag because I could not decide whether I should write about old people or small kids. Finally I decided to write about my own grand daughters – Megha who is two and a half years old and five month old Aarya. I hope I’ve done a good job of it. They belong to two sets of parents.
Height of cruelty- Putting the light out for the child to sleep, when all she wants to do is to laugh and play, saying ‘enough it is bed time now’. Parenting rule I suppose.
Height of reward- Megha comes running to me when her mom gets angry with her acknowledging me as an important person in her life.
Height of challenge- To keep a serious face when grandkids smile at you after being naughty, fearing a ‘Don’t spoil her’ from the parent.
Height of vigilance- Keeping a watch on what the five month old Aarya will put into her mouth.
Height of dieting - Megha having blueberries for breakfast lunch and dinner.
Height of desperation- My brother in law’s 3 year old son taking to the feeding bottle once again when his little brother arrived, much to his mom’s desperation.
Height of competition- Megha expects to be served the exact spicy food that I serve her grandpa.
Height of comparison – Megha comparing her mini sized bindi with my bigger one.
Height of rivalry- Megha expects to be carried in preference to Aarya and that too by Aarya’s dad.
Height of anger- Aarya yelling when we place a pillow on the way to prevent her from rolling over.
Height of table manners- Though given a separate plate Meghu insists on eating from her grandpa’s plate.
Height of fitness- Aarya’s toes being permanently thrust into her mouth looking like Balakrishna on a peepal leaf.
Height of choice- Five month old Aarya preferring a particular song that her mom learnt when she was in her tummy. She hates car seats. When tied up in it she starts crying. The minute the song is sung she stops crying and the moment she switches to another she starts yelling again.
Height of choosiness- Meghu insisting on wearing summer clothes in peak winter. Aarya preferring one toy to the rest.
Height of dadagiri- Aarya insisting on being carried vertically when she was just 2 months old,yelling when I sit down and she wants me to walk around. Meghu insisting that I carry her upstairs and refusing to let my husband to do it. Megha insisting that my husband watch Cartoon channels and objecting to his switching to football during the world cup series.
Height of frustration- Aarya trying to get to a toy placed in front of her. Tries to get there by rolling instead of crawling.
Height of provocation – Can’t think of any.
Grandkids add joy to our lives even when they twist us around on their finger tips!<
Height of cruelty- Putting the light out for the child to sleep, when all she wants to do is to laugh and play, saying ‘enough it is bed time now’. Parenting rule I suppose.
Height of reward- Megha comes running to me when her mom gets angry with her acknowledging me as an important person in her life.
Height of challenge- To keep a serious face when grandkids smile at you after being naughty, fearing a ‘Don’t spoil her’ from the parent.
Height of vigilance- Keeping a watch on what the five month old Aarya will put into her mouth.
Height of dieting - Megha having blueberries for breakfast lunch and dinner.
Height of desperation- My brother in law’s 3 year old son taking to the feeding bottle once again when his little brother arrived, much to his mom’s desperation.
Height of competition- Megha expects to be served the exact spicy food that I serve her grandpa.
Height of comparison – Megha comparing her mini sized bindi with my bigger one.
Height of rivalry- Megha expects to be carried in preference to Aarya and that too by Aarya’s dad.
Height of anger- Aarya yelling when we place a pillow on the way to prevent her from rolling over.
Height of table manners- Though given a separate plate Meghu insists on eating from her grandpa’s plate.
Height of fitness- Aarya’s toes being permanently thrust into her mouth looking like Balakrishna on a peepal leaf.
Height of choice- Five month old Aarya preferring a particular song that her mom learnt when she was in her tummy. She hates car seats. When tied up in it she starts crying. The minute the song is sung she stops crying and the moment she switches to another she starts yelling again.
Height of choosiness- Meghu insisting on wearing summer clothes in peak winter. Aarya preferring one toy to the rest.
Height of dadagiri- Aarya insisting on being carried vertically when she was just 2 months old,yelling when I sit down and she wants me to walk around. Meghu insisting that I carry her upstairs and refusing to let my husband to do it. Megha insisting that my husband watch Cartoon channels and objecting to his switching to football during the world cup series.
Height of frustration- Aarya trying to get to a toy placed in front of her. Tries to get there by rolling instead of crawling.
Height of provocation – Can’t think of any.
Grandkids add joy to our lives even when they twist us around on their finger tips!<
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Do we love our Women?
Friends, this may be my last serious post before I leave for India in a fortnight. I have a lot of pending work to finish and I also wish to spend as much time as possible with Aarya, my little grand daughter, whom I am going to really and truly miss. I already miss not having spent enough time with my other grand daughter Megha. Hopefully there will be another visit when I’ll get to spend an equal amount of time with both of them. I dedicate this post to their bright future.
I begin by acknowledging that I’ve been influenced a great deal by what I understood from Rabbi Shmuley Boteach has said in his book ‘ Hating Women’. He discusses in detail the degradation of women in the name of feminism with reference to the status of women in America. It is a book I’d recommend for every thinking adult of the world and Indian parents with teen aged children would do well to read it for two reasons. Firstly, what is happening in America today is bound to happen in India tomorrow. Secondly, with the world growing smaller they are not going to escape being exposed to it even before it reaches India. Rabbi Boteach speaks as a father with genuine concern for his daughters who will soon occupy their rightful place in the American society. I have two grand daughters who are likely to grow in America and my concern extends to them too. I cannot reproduce the whole book but these are some points that caught my attention.
1. Fall of the feminist Dream:
The feminist movement aimed at raising the status of women by encouraging them to take up careers, involve themselves in decision making at the political, official and domestic levels. To day reality shows portray women as shallow brainless creatures who’d fall to any level just for money and celebrity status. No woman seems to object. On the other hand the popularity of the shows seem to indicate that women seem to consider this as harmless fun. Translate this into the Indian scenario. Our TV serials show women as schemers and plotters, an illegitimate son or daughter pops up out of the blue and every hero has an extra marital affair. And we watch these serials instead of boycotting them.
2. Courting has been replaced by dating:
Earlier men would court women. These days, dating, often initiated by women, is the rule. Courting required the men to prove themselves worthy of the ladies' attention let alone affection. They had to work towards being approved by her parents. Dating on the other hand seems to need no such criteria and girls barely thirteen and fifteen years of age go out on dates with equally young boys. All that parents seem to do is to mumble a word of caution-“ Don’t be too late”. According to Rabbi Boteach girls should not be allowed to date before the age of nineteen or twenty which is approximately the age that they could be expected to have attained physical and mental maturity. The culture they’re exposed to at home should be one in which enables them to carry themselves with a dignity so that their date would not dare to make undue demands of them. I don’t need to add that this applies to all countries and cultures.
3. Women are Nature’s system of checks and balances:
Women have a sobering effect on man. Women are catalysts that unearth masculine virtue. Even the most aggressive of men tones down when he faces a dignified woman. Unfortunately, society is becoming more and more desensitized towards feminine attributes like modesty, sanctity and the mystique of femininity. We have our pop culture to thank for this situation. Due to this harshness will triumph over subtlety and ruthlessness over ethics. Society should never lose its reverence for women and if it does one is not too far from doom. One needs to look at the degradation of women in the west, by portraying them as mindless and vulgar in the visual medium and the oppression of woman in certain Islamic states of the east, to get an idea of what he means. I quote from the book -
“Rabbi IsaacLuria, the greatest Kabbalist of our times predicted that the world would be redeemed by women, and women would teach men how to bring forth their more nurturing, harmonious energy. Women would help men create a messianic era based on peace and prosperity by teaching men to see all beings as brothers instead of competitors, teaching them how to love rather than conquer.” In these days of terrorist attacks and suicide bombers is this not the requirement of the day?
There is a lot more in the book but unfortunately I cannot touch every thing that is mentioned. But here are a few things we can do-
1. Let us teach our boys the necessity to treat house hold chores as dignified work and encourage them to help out in whatever way they can. While a mother asks a girl child to clear the table or fold her clothes they seldom make the boy to do it. He grows up thinking that he can watch TV after a hard day’s work while his wife is supposed to do the cooking and cleaning. A little effort in this direction can save a lot of frustration.
2. Let our children understand that they would be hurting us very badly if they misuse the trust we place on them. In response to my earlier post Monika Manchanda had mentioned that she did not agree to my point on physical strength of females and that the strength displayed by a woman at child - birth was an example. I think that nothing in the world can equal a woman’s role as the bearer of her child. Nature has made her much superior to man in equipping her thus. She senses the child within her from day 1 but her husband waits for nine months to do so. But to be worthy of the supremacy accorded to her by nature isn’t it equally important that a woman exercises a sense of responsibility and caution? This is what I meant in the post.
3. Equal opportunities in the job front is a popular demand. I agree 100%. But one should be thankful to the Indian Government that it shows consideration to its women employees while considering transfers. I know of a government doctor in Jamshedpur who traveled for nearly 4 hours each day to reach his workplace. He’d take 3 different modes of transport, reaching the bus stand by car, travel for two hours by bus, walk 1 kilometer before taking a boat to cross a river and finally be taken to the government dispensary by his compounder on a motorcycle. He’d spend the night there and return the next evening commuting in reverse order. His female colleagues who draw the same salary are never posted to such remote areas and I’ve never heard him complain. I am also an employee of a government college and I am indeed grateful for the consideration shown by our policy makers. I don’t know whether I am eligible to be called a feminist but I definitely call our government’s approach as humanistic. Can we deny that equal rights means equal responsibility as well?
I have tried to address some questions raised by readers of my earlier post. I still believe that we should all strive to make the world a better place to live in and women should feel free to walk on the street at mid night. As of now I dare not let my daughters do it. I have given my children education and good values and that was something that i could do. I cannot protect them from all that is evil. I can only hope. I end with the concluding words of Rabbi Boteach –
“Together, men and women working can usher in a golden age of feminine awe and magic. Together, we can create a softer, gentler and brighter world illuminated with the light and warmth of the nurturer.”
This, I feel, will be the true achievement of feminism if it ever happens.
I begin by acknowledging that I’ve been influenced a great deal by what I understood from Rabbi Shmuley Boteach has said in his book ‘ Hating Women’. He discusses in detail the degradation of women in the name of feminism with reference to the status of women in America. It is a book I’d recommend for every thinking adult of the world and Indian parents with teen aged children would do well to read it for two reasons. Firstly, what is happening in America today is bound to happen in India tomorrow. Secondly, with the world growing smaller they are not going to escape being exposed to it even before it reaches India. Rabbi Boteach speaks as a father with genuine concern for his daughters who will soon occupy their rightful place in the American society. I have two grand daughters who are likely to grow in America and my concern extends to them too. I cannot reproduce the whole book but these are some points that caught my attention.
1. Fall of the feminist Dream:
The feminist movement aimed at raising the status of women by encouraging them to take up careers, involve themselves in decision making at the political, official and domestic levels. To day reality shows portray women as shallow brainless creatures who’d fall to any level just for money and celebrity status. No woman seems to object. On the other hand the popularity of the shows seem to indicate that women seem to consider this as harmless fun. Translate this into the Indian scenario. Our TV serials show women as schemers and plotters, an illegitimate son or daughter pops up out of the blue and every hero has an extra marital affair. And we watch these serials instead of boycotting them.
2. Courting has been replaced by dating:
Earlier men would court women. These days, dating, often initiated by women, is the rule. Courting required the men to prove themselves worthy of the ladies' attention let alone affection. They had to work towards being approved by her parents. Dating on the other hand seems to need no such criteria and girls barely thirteen and fifteen years of age go out on dates with equally young boys. All that parents seem to do is to mumble a word of caution-“ Don’t be too late”. According to Rabbi Boteach girls should not be allowed to date before the age of nineteen or twenty which is approximately the age that they could be expected to have attained physical and mental maturity. The culture they’re exposed to at home should be one in which enables them to carry themselves with a dignity so that their date would not dare to make undue demands of them. I don’t need to add that this applies to all countries and cultures.
3. Women are Nature’s system of checks and balances:
Women have a sobering effect on man. Women are catalysts that unearth masculine virtue. Even the most aggressive of men tones down when he faces a dignified woman. Unfortunately, society is becoming more and more desensitized towards feminine attributes like modesty, sanctity and the mystique of femininity. We have our pop culture to thank for this situation. Due to this harshness will triumph over subtlety and ruthlessness over ethics. Society should never lose its reverence for women and if it does one is not too far from doom. One needs to look at the degradation of women in the west, by portraying them as mindless and vulgar in the visual medium and the oppression of woman in certain Islamic states of the east, to get an idea of what he means. I quote from the book -
“Rabbi IsaacLuria, the greatest Kabbalist of our times predicted that the world would be redeemed by women, and women would teach men how to bring forth their more nurturing, harmonious energy. Women would help men create a messianic era based on peace and prosperity by teaching men to see all beings as brothers instead of competitors, teaching them how to love rather than conquer.” In these days of terrorist attacks and suicide bombers is this not the requirement of the day?
There is a lot more in the book but unfortunately I cannot touch every thing that is mentioned. But here are a few things we can do-
1. Let us teach our boys the necessity to treat house hold chores as dignified work and encourage them to help out in whatever way they can. While a mother asks a girl child to clear the table or fold her clothes they seldom make the boy to do it. He grows up thinking that he can watch TV after a hard day’s work while his wife is supposed to do the cooking and cleaning. A little effort in this direction can save a lot of frustration.
2. Let our children understand that they would be hurting us very badly if they misuse the trust we place on them. In response to my earlier post Monika Manchanda had mentioned that she did not agree to my point on physical strength of females and that the strength displayed by a woman at child - birth was an example. I think that nothing in the world can equal a woman’s role as the bearer of her child. Nature has made her much superior to man in equipping her thus. She senses the child within her from day 1 but her husband waits for nine months to do so. But to be worthy of the supremacy accorded to her by nature isn’t it equally important that a woman exercises a sense of responsibility and caution? This is what I meant in the post.
3. Equal opportunities in the job front is a popular demand. I agree 100%. But one should be thankful to the Indian Government that it shows consideration to its women employees while considering transfers. I know of a government doctor in Jamshedpur who traveled for nearly 4 hours each day to reach his workplace. He’d take 3 different modes of transport, reaching the bus stand by car, travel for two hours by bus, walk 1 kilometer before taking a boat to cross a river and finally be taken to the government dispensary by his compounder on a motorcycle. He’d spend the night there and return the next evening commuting in reverse order. His female colleagues who draw the same salary are never posted to such remote areas and I’ve never heard him complain. I am also an employee of a government college and I am indeed grateful for the consideration shown by our policy makers. I don’t know whether I am eligible to be called a feminist but I definitely call our government’s approach as humanistic. Can we deny that equal rights means equal responsibility as well?
I have tried to address some questions raised by readers of my earlier post. I still believe that we should all strive to make the world a better place to live in and women should feel free to walk on the street at mid night. As of now I dare not let my daughters do it. I have given my children education and good values and that was something that i could do. I cannot protect them from all that is evil. I can only hope. I end with the concluding words of Rabbi Boteach –
“Together, men and women working can usher in a golden age of feminine awe and magic. Together, we can create a softer, gentler and brighter world illuminated with the light and warmth of the nurturer.”
This, I feel, will be the true achievement of feminism if it ever happens.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Real masterpiece!
When an old lady died in the geriatric ward of a small hospital near Dundee, Scotland, it was believed that she had nothing left of any value.
Later, when the nurses were going through her meager possessions, they found this poem.
Its quality and content so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital.
One nurse took her copy to Ireland.
The old lady's sole bequest to posterity has since appeared in the Christmas edition of the News Magazine of the North Ireland Association for Mental Health.
A slide presentation has also been made based on her simple, but eloquent, poem.
And this little old Scottish lady, with nothing left to give to the world, is now the author of this "anonymous" poem winging across the Internet:
Crabby Old Woman
What do you see, nurses ........ What do you see?
What are you thinking ...........When you're looking at me?
A crabby old woman ..............Not very wise,
Uncertain of habit, .............With faraway eyes?
Who dribbles her food .......................... And makes no reply.
When you say in a loud voice, .. "I do wish you'd try!"
Who seems not to notice ........ The things that you do,
And forever is losing ........... A stocking or shoe?
Who, resisting or not, ..........Lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding, .......The long day to fill?
Is that what you're thinking? ...Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse, .....You're not looking at me.
I'll tell you who I am ..........As I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding, ........As I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of ten ........With a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters ............Who love one another.
A young girl of sixteen .........With wings on her feet
Dreaming that soon now ......... A lover she'll meet.
A bride soon at twenty, ........ My heart gives a leap,
Remembering the vows ............That I promised to keep.
At twenty-five now, .............I have young of my own,
Who need me to guide ............And a secure happy home.
A woman of thirty, ..............My young now grown fast,
Bound to each other .............With ties that should last.
At forty, my young sons .........Have grown and are gone,
But my man's beside me ......... To see I don't mourn
At fifty once more, ............Babies play round my knee,
Again we know children, .........My loved one and me.
Dark days are upon me, ..........My husband is dead,
I look at the future, ...........I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing ....Young of their own,
And I think of the years ........And the love that I've known.
I'm now an old woman.............And nature is cruel;
Tis jest to make old age ........Look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles, ..........Grace and vigor depart,
There is now a stone ............Where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass .....A young girl still dwells,
And now and again, ..............My battered heart swells.
I remember the joys, ............I remember the pain,
And I'm loving and living .......Life over again.
I think of the years ............All too few, gone too fast,
And accept the stark fact .......That nothing can last.
So open your eyes, people, ......Open and see,
Not a crabby old woman; .........Look closer....see, ME!!
Remember this poem when you next meet an older person who you might brush aside without looking at the young soul within...
we will all, one day, be there, too!
PLEASE SHARE THIS POEM. IT'S SOMETHING WE ALL NEED TO READ.
Later, when the nurses were going through her meager possessions, they found this poem.
Its quality and content so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital.
One nurse took her copy to Ireland.
The old lady's sole bequest to posterity has since appeared in the Christmas edition of the News Magazine of the North Ireland Association for Mental Health.
A slide presentation has also been made based on her simple, but eloquent, poem.
And this little old Scottish lady, with nothing left to give to the world, is now the author of this "anonymous" poem winging across the Internet:
Crabby Old Woman
What do you see, nurses ........ What do you see?
What are you thinking ...........When you're looking at me?
A crabby old woman ..............Not very wise,
Uncertain of habit, .............With faraway eyes?
Who dribbles her food .......................... And makes no reply.
When you say in a loud voice, .. "I do wish you'd try!"
Who seems not to notice ........ The things that you do,
And forever is losing ........... A stocking or shoe?
Who, resisting or not, ..........Lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding, .......The long day to fill?
Is that what you're thinking? ...Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse, .....You're not looking at me.
I'll tell you who I am ..........As I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding, ........As I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of ten ........With a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters ............Who love one another.
A young girl of sixteen .........With wings on her feet
Dreaming that soon now ......... A lover she'll meet.
A bride soon at twenty, ........ My heart gives a leap,
Remembering the vows ............That I promised to keep.
At twenty-five now, .............I have young of my own,
Who need me to guide ............And a secure happy home.
A woman of thirty, ..............My young now grown fast,
Bound to each other .............With ties that should last.
At forty, my young sons .........Have grown and are gone,
But my man's beside me ......... To see I don't mourn
At fifty once more, ............Babies play round my knee,
Again we know children, .........My loved one and me.
Dark days are upon me, ..........My husband is dead,
I look at the future, ...........I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing ....Young of their own,
And I think of the years ........And the love that I've known.
I'm now an old woman.............And nature is cruel;
Tis jest to make old age ........Look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles, ..........Grace and vigor depart,
There is now a stone ............Where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass .....A young girl still dwells,
And now and again, ..............My battered heart swells.
I remember the joys, ............I remember the pain,
And I'm loving and living .......Life over again.
I think of the years ............All too few, gone too fast,
And accept the stark fact .......That nothing can last.
So open your eyes, people, ......Open and see,
Not a crabby old woman; .........Look closer....see, ME!!
Remember this poem when you next meet an older person who you might brush aside without looking at the young soul within...
we will all, one day, be there, too!
PLEASE SHARE THIS POEM. IT'S SOMETHING WE ALL NEED TO READ.
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Today is a gift.....
I got this one by email.Enjoy it.
Today is a gift. That's why it's called the present!
Right Now - somebody is thinking of you.
somebody is caring about you.
somebody misses you-somebody wants to talk to you.
somebody wants to be with you.
somebody hopes you aren't in trouble.
somebody is thankful for the support you have provided.
somebody wants to hold your hand.
Somebody hopes everything turns out all right.
somebody wants you to be happy.
somebody wants you to find him/her.
somebody is celebrating your successes.
somebody wants to give you a gift.
somebody thinks that you ARE a gift.
somebody loves you.
Somebody admires your strength.
somebody is thinking of you and smiling.
somebody wants to be your shoulder to cry on.
SOMEBODY NEEDS YOU TO SEND THIS TO THEM .
Never take away anyone's hope.That may be all they have.
Today is a gift. That's why it's called the present!
Right Now - somebody is thinking of you.
somebody is caring about you.
somebody misses you-somebody wants to talk to you.
somebody wants to be with you.
somebody hopes you aren't in trouble.
somebody is thankful for the support you have provided.
somebody wants to hold your hand.
Somebody hopes everything turns out all right.
somebody wants you to be happy.
somebody wants you to find him/her.
somebody is celebrating your successes.
somebody wants to give you a gift.
somebody thinks that you ARE a gift.
somebody loves you.
Somebody admires your strength.
somebody is thinking of you and smiling.
somebody wants to be your shoulder to cry on.
SOMEBODY NEEDS YOU TO SEND THIS TO THEM .
Never take away anyone's hope.That may be all they have.
Tag after Tag!!
I have been simultaneously tagged by Srijith Unni and Archana Bahuguna. While Srijith wants me to talk about 6 weird things in my nature, Archana wants me to say 9 things about myself weird or otherwise. Both want me to tag 6 more people by leaving a comment on their blog. I decided to combine both and give 9 aspects of my nature, some weird others not so weird. Those whom I tag may stick to the same rule.
1.I am a supporter of the underdog – This is perhaps due to my being an Aquarian. I take up for the downtrodden ones. I must be a weird person to feel bad when I win an argument. I end up finding excuses for my opponents. Thank God I didn’t become a lawyer. I may never win a case.
2.I am a little too talkative - This is a serious flaw in my nature. It has led to some embarrassing moments. I am in awe of those who speak less and are in full command all the time.
3.I forget faces – I don’t actually forget faces. Rather I get confused with similar looking people who I don't meet regularly and have to see them together to be sure. Or else I may mix up between the two. When I am not too sure I talk about global warming and terrorist attacks.
4.I am too laid back – This is a characteristic I’ve inherited from my mother’s brother. His famous words in an emergent situation are “One cannot make the train move fast by pacing up and down the compartment.” I totally agree with him. In fact I love a situation in which nothing can be done and things spin out of control. I feel I can relax and read a book or go to sleep. That is why perhaps I don’t worry too much about the things I’ve missed in life.
5.I mess up my priorities – I don’t do it in any serious way. My work in college does not suffer or my family hasn’t faced any difficulty on account of this. I only mean to say that I am flexible. My husband has a routine and sticks to it. I can cook a meal as soon as I open my eyes or wait till ten in the morning to prepare myself a cup of tea depending on the situation and when I am alone. My priorities keep changing. I don’t do it when others are included.
6.I am not too worried about my appearance – I admire those who are perfectly dressed for an occasion and wish to be like them. I only manage to be neatly dressed and here too I’d give credit to Ashok, my dhobi (washer-man). I just cannot match my sarees with accessories or sit through the process (read pain) of applying make up and mascara. A bindi is all I sport and perhaps a face cream when the weather is dry. The odd time that I ‘dress’ up makes me self conscious and uncomfortable. My husband should thank me for not straining his purse.
7. I like to add up numbers – I love to add up numbers. I add up telephones numbers, registration numbers of vehicles etc. I feel happy when they add up to 8. I really don’t know why.
8.I am sometimes thick skinned and sometimes sensitive – This is a quality I share with Srijith. I cannot really predict when I’d take something seriously and when I’d laugh it off. Depends on my mood I guess.
9.I am famous for smiling when I am upset – When I was a schoolgirl I’d giggle on being scolded. We had an English teacher who’d use the choicest words while scolding us. I have been sent out of class ‘to laugh to my heart’s content’. This has perhaps led to my smiling when I am really upset. I know it is wrong to do it and I should be pulling a long face. But my face is already long and refuses to get longer.
Now I’d like to tag Starry nights, Itching to write, artnavy, hillgrandmom, balaji and the visitor to take up this tag and give us their side of the story.
1.I am a supporter of the underdog – This is perhaps due to my being an Aquarian. I take up for the downtrodden ones. I must be a weird person to feel bad when I win an argument. I end up finding excuses for my opponents. Thank God I didn’t become a lawyer. I may never win a case.
2.I am a little too talkative - This is a serious flaw in my nature. It has led to some embarrassing moments. I am in awe of those who speak less and are in full command all the time.
3.I forget faces – I don’t actually forget faces. Rather I get confused with similar looking people who I don't meet regularly and have to see them together to be sure. Or else I may mix up between the two. When I am not too sure I talk about global warming and terrorist attacks.
4.I am too laid back – This is a characteristic I’ve inherited from my mother’s brother. His famous words in an emergent situation are “One cannot make the train move fast by pacing up and down the compartment.” I totally agree with him. In fact I love a situation in which nothing can be done and things spin out of control. I feel I can relax and read a book or go to sleep. That is why perhaps I don’t worry too much about the things I’ve missed in life.
5.I mess up my priorities – I don’t do it in any serious way. My work in college does not suffer or my family hasn’t faced any difficulty on account of this. I only mean to say that I am flexible. My husband has a routine and sticks to it. I can cook a meal as soon as I open my eyes or wait till ten in the morning to prepare myself a cup of tea depending on the situation and when I am alone. My priorities keep changing. I don’t do it when others are included.
6.I am not too worried about my appearance – I admire those who are perfectly dressed for an occasion and wish to be like them. I only manage to be neatly dressed and here too I’d give credit to Ashok, my dhobi (washer-man). I just cannot match my sarees with accessories or sit through the process (read pain) of applying make up and mascara. A bindi is all I sport and perhaps a face cream when the weather is dry. The odd time that I ‘dress’ up makes me self conscious and uncomfortable. My husband should thank me for not straining his purse.
7. I like to add up numbers – I love to add up numbers. I add up telephones numbers, registration numbers of vehicles etc. I feel happy when they add up to 8. I really don’t know why.
8.I am sometimes thick skinned and sometimes sensitive – This is a quality I share with Srijith. I cannot really predict when I’d take something seriously and when I’d laugh it off. Depends on my mood I guess.
9.I am famous for smiling when I am upset – When I was a schoolgirl I’d giggle on being scolded. We had an English teacher who’d use the choicest words while scolding us. I have been sent out of class ‘to laugh to my heart’s content’. This has perhaps led to my smiling when I am really upset. I know it is wrong to do it and I should be pulling a long face. But my face is already long and refuses to get longer.
Now I’d like to tag Starry nights, Itching to write, artnavy, hillgrandmom, balaji and the visitor to take up this tag and give us their side of the story.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Feminism as I see it
The definition of feminism as in The American Heritage Dictionary is as follows – A doctrinethat advocates or demands for women the same rights granted men, as in political or economic status. 2. The movement in support of such a doctrine.
My opinion in the matter are entirely my own and I am in no position to claim that it is the correct one. I have trained my mind to think in a particular way, to approach life in a certain manner and to define things the way I understand them. They need not be identical to what youngsters perceive and my only request is to think on these lines.
When we talk of equal rights for men and women what exactly do we mean? I know of a family a young couple where the husband is supposed to sweep and the wife has to swab. If the husband has to rush to work, the house is neither swept nor swabbed. In the same family the husband agreed to prepare rice since it was easy and the wife took it upon herself to prepare the dal and sabzi. If she came home early she would do her bit and wait for the husband to come home and prepare rice. Both would be tired and the allegations and counter allegations would follow and they’d go to bed without eating. I do hope they have now grown out of this stage and have matured enough to understand that equality doesn’t necessarily mean a 50:50 division of every odd job in the house.
Equality on the other hand means that men and women who constitute society have mutual respect and each group appreciates the other for their contribution and input. A woman may be a home maker or career woman depending upon her personal choice. She should be confident about the importance of her role and carry herself with a dignity that commands respect even from her worst critics. Long back I watched a programme on DD-1 – “ Aurat kaam nahin karti” in which it was satirically pointed out that cooking , cleaning, the bearing and rearing of children etc. are not considered as ‘work’- not by her family or society but by the woman herself. Unless we bring about an attitudinal change all this talk about feminism is not going to benefit anyone.
It is heartening to see middle and upper middle class families at least in urban areas educate their girl child at par with their boys. Education does broaden one’s outlook and even if the girl does not go out to work there is no doubt that she will be an asset to her family. She may in all probability have a say in important matters and equality will automatically follow. It is equally disappointing to see educated females behaving like dumb dolls and being treated as if they are a piece of furniture in the house. Nothing in life comes for free and the sooner one realizes it the better for them. If one wants to be heard he or she has to stand up and speak and speaking does not mean screaming.
One’s cultural background does play a role in shaping one’s mind but whatever the culture one belongs to self respect need not be compromised. My ex - servant’s husband had bought her a gold chain weighing around 40 gms. He kept on boasting about it and making sarcastic remarks about how she had brought nothing from her mother’s house and he was the one who had given her anything of worth. She gave it back to him in the presence of a witness and has not worn it since. Her words were “If you don’t realize or recognize my contribution to this family I don’t need your gold.” She went on to list the benefits the family was deriving on account of her including the fact that the rent free outhouse that they were living in was given for her services as house maid. The minute she stopped working, the family would be on the pavement she claimed! To my mind she comes across as much a feminist as anyone else.
Being a feminist does not mean finding fault with every arrangement in a male dominated society. For instance nature has made female physically vulnerable and it may be prudent to avoid certain situations. An intelligent mind would have no hesitation in doing so. After all nature has been fair enough as far as the mind is concerned so why not put it to good use?
My opinion in the matter are entirely my own and I am in no position to claim that it is the correct one. I have trained my mind to think in a particular way, to approach life in a certain manner and to define things the way I understand them. They need not be identical to what youngsters perceive and my only request is to think on these lines.
When we talk of equal rights for men and women what exactly do we mean? I know of a family a young couple where the husband is supposed to sweep and the wife has to swab. If the husband has to rush to work, the house is neither swept nor swabbed. In the same family the husband agreed to prepare rice since it was easy and the wife took it upon herself to prepare the dal and sabzi. If she came home early she would do her bit and wait for the husband to come home and prepare rice. Both would be tired and the allegations and counter allegations would follow and they’d go to bed without eating. I do hope they have now grown out of this stage and have matured enough to understand that equality doesn’t necessarily mean a 50:50 division of every odd job in the house.
Equality on the other hand means that men and women who constitute society have mutual respect and each group appreciates the other for their contribution and input. A woman may be a home maker or career woman depending upon her personal choice. She should be confident about the importance of her role and carry herself with a dignity that commands respect even from her worst critics. Long back I watched a programme on DD-1 – “ Aurat kaam nahin karti” in which it was satirically pointed out that cooking , cleaning, the bearing and rearing of children etc. are not considered as ‘work’- not by her family or society but by the woman herself. Unless we bring about an attitudinal change all this talk about feminism is not going to benefit anyone.
It is heartening to see middle and upper middle class families at least in urban areas educate their girl child at par with their boys. Education does broaden one’s outlook and even if the girl does not go out to work there is no doubt that she will be an asset to her family. She may in all probability have a say in important matters and equality will automatically follow. It is equally disappointing to see educated females behaving like dumb dolls and being treated as if they are a piece of furniture in the house. Nothing in life comes for free and the sooner one realizes it the better for them. If one wants to be heard he or she has to stand up and speak and speaking does not mean screaming.
One’s cultural background does play a role in shaping one’s mind but whatever the culture one belongs to self respect need not be compromised. My ex - servant’s husband had bought her a gold chain weighing around 40 gms. He kept on boasting about it and making sarcastic remarks about how she had brought nothing from her mother’s house and he was the one who had given her anything of worth. She gave it back to him in the presence of a witness and has not worn it since. Her words were “If you don’t realize or recognize my contribution to this family I don’t need your gold.” She went on to list the benefits the family was deriving on account of her including the fact that the rent free outhouse that they were living in was given for her services as house maid. The minute she stopped working, the family would be on the pavement she claimed! To my mind she comes across as much a feminist as anyone else.
Being a feminist does not mean finding fault with every arrangement in a male dominated society. For instance nature has made female physically vulnerable and it may be prudent to avoid certain situations. An intelligent mind would have no hesitation in doing so. After all nature has been fair enough as far as the mind is concerned so why not put it to good use?
Feminism as I see it
The definition of feminism as in The American Heritage Dictionary is as follows – A doctrinethat advocates or demands for women the same rights granted men, as in political or economic status. 2. The movement in support of such a doctrine.
My opinion in the matter are entirely my own and I am in no position to claim that it is the correct one. I have trained my mind to think in a particular way, to approach life in a certain manner and to define things the way I understand them. They need not be identical to what youngsters perceive and my only request is to think on these lines.
When we talk of equal rights for men and women what exactly do we mean? I know of a family a young couple where the husband is supposed to sweep and the wife has to swab. If the husband has to rush to work, the house is neither swept nor swabbed. In the same family the husband agreed to prepare rice since it was easy and the wife took it upon herself to prepare the dal and sabzi. If she came home early she would do her bit and wait for the husband to come home and prepare rice. Both would be tired and the allegations and counter allegations would follow and they’d go to bed without eating. I do hope they have now grown out of this stage and have matured enough to understand that equality doesn’t necessarily mean a 50:50 division of every odd job in the house.
Equality on the other hand means that men and women who constitute society have mutual respect and each group appreciates the other for their contribution and input. A woman may be a home maker or career woman depending upon her personal choice. She should be confident about the importance of her role and carry herself with a dignity that commands respect even from her worst critics. Long back I watched a programme on DD-1 – “ Aurat kaam nahin karti” in which it was satirically pointed out that cooking , cleaning, the bearing and rearing of children etc. are not considered as ‘work’- not by her family or society but by the woman herself. Unless we bring about an attitudinal change all this talk about feminism is not going to benefit anyone.
It is heartening to see middle and upper middle class families at least in urban areas educate their girl child at par with their boys. Education does broaden one’s outlook and even if the girl does not go out to work there is no doubt that she will be an asset to her family. She may in all probability have a say in important matters and equality will automatically follow. It is equally disappointing to see educated females behaving like dumb dolls and being treated as if they are a piece of furniture in the house. Nothing in life comes for free and the sooner one realizes it the better for them. If one wants to be heard he or she has to stand up and speak and speaking does not mean screaming.
One’s cultural background does play a role in shaping one’s mind but whatever the culture one belongs to self respect need not be compromised. My ex - servant’s husband had bought her a gold chain weighing around 40 gms. He kept on boasting about it and making sarcastic remarks about how she had brought nothing from her mother’s house and he was the one who had given her anything of worth. She gave it back to him in the presence of a witness and has not worn it since. Her words were “If you don’t realize or recognize my contribution to this family I don’t need your gold.” She went on to list the benefits the family was deriving on account of her including the fact that the rent free outhouse that they were living in was given for her services as house maid. The minute she stopped working, the family would be on the pavement she claimed! To my mind she comes across as much a feminist as anyone else.
Being a feminist does not mean finding fault with every arrangement in a male dominated society. For instance nature has made female physically vulnerable and it may be prudent to avoid certain situations. An intelligent mind would have no hesitation in doing so. After all nature has been fair enough as far as the mind is concerned so why not put it to good use?
My opinion in the matter are entirely my own and I am in no position to claim that it is the correct one. I have trained my mind to think in a particular way, to approach life in a certain manner and to define things the way I understand them. They need not be identical to what youngsters perceive and my only request is to think on these lines.
When we talk of equal rights for men and women what exactly do we mean? I know of a family a young couple where the husband is supposed to sweep and the wife has to swab. If the husband has to rush to work, the house is neither swept nor swabbed. In the same family the husband agreed to prepare rice since it was easy and the wife took it upon herself to prepare the dal and sabzi. If she came home early she would do her bit and wait for the husband to come home and prepare rice. Both would be tired and the allegations and counter allegations would follow and they’d go to bed without eating. I do hope they have now grown out of this stage and have matured enough to understand that equality doesn’t necessarily mean a 50:50 division of every odd job in the house.
Equality on the other hand means that men and women who constitute society have mutual respect and each group appreciates the other for their contribution and input. A woman may be a home maker or career woman depending upon her personal choice. She should be confident about the importance of her role and carry herself with a dignity that commands respect even from her worst critics. Long back I watched a programme on DD-1 – “ Aurat kaam nahin karti” in which it was satirically pointed out that cooking , cleaning, the bearing and rearing of children etc. are not considered as ‘work’- not by her family or society but by the woman herself. Unless we bring about an attitudinal change all this talk about feminism is not going to benefit anyone.
It is heartening to see middle and upper middle class families at least in urban areas educate their girl child at par with their boys. Education does broaden one’s outlook and even if the girl does not go out to work there is no doubt that she will be an asset to her family. She may in all probability have a say in important matters and equality will automatically follow. It is equally disappointing to see educated females behaving like dumb dolls and being treated as if they are a piece of furniture in the house. Nothing in life comes for free and the sooner one realizes it the better for them. If one wants to be heard he or she has to stand up and speak and speaking does not mean screaming.
One’s cultural background does play a role in shaping one’s mind but whatever the culture one belongs to self respect need not be compromised. My ex - servant’s husband had bought her a gold chain weighing around 40 gms. He kept on boasting about it and making sarcastic remarks about how she had brought nothing from her mother’s house and he was the one who had given her anything of worth. She gave it back to him in the presence of a witness and has not worn it since. Her words were “If you don’t realize or recognize my contribution to this family I don’t need your gold.” She went on to list the benefits the family was deriving on account of her including the fact that the rent free outhouse that they were living in was given for her services as house maid. The minute she stopped working, the family would be on the pavement she claimed! To my mind she comes across as much a feminist as anyone else.
Being a feminist does not mean finding fault with every arrangement in a male dominated society. For instance nature has made female physically vulnerable and it may be prudent to avoid certain situations. An intelligent mind would have no hesitation in doing so. After all nature has been fair enough as far as the mind is concerned so why not put it to good use?
Monday, September 25, 2006
I've been tagged by Suemamma
Here are my answers to the questions:
1.Are you happy/satisfied with your blog with it's content and look?Does your family know about your blog?
Yes I am quite happy with my the content of my blog.I leave it to you to judge its looks. My daughter was the one to introduce me to the blog world and my family knows about it.
2.Do you feel embarrassed to let your friends know about your blog or you just consider it as a private thing?
I have no embarassment about anyone reading my blog. My close friends already know of most things that I write.
3.Did blogs cause positive changes in your thoughts?
I got to know a lot by reading the opinion of my blog readers thro’ their comments. I really enjoy them and feel good. Positive changes automatically follow.
4.Do you only open the blogs of those who comment on your blog or you love to go and discover more by yourself?
I read the blogs of those who comment. The visitor directs me to other good blog posts.Right now I am busy.Once I return to India in October I’ll try and discover more blogs on my own.
5.What does visitors counter mean to you? Do you care about putting it in your blog?
Oh yes. I have a site meter and I do look it up.It gives me an idea of the many people who visit my site.
6.Did you try to imagine your fellow bloggers and give them real pictures?
I have a mental picture of my fellow bloggers based on the stuff they write. It is more to do with their mind than looks.
7.Admit. Do you think there is a real benefit for blogging?
I find blogging very beneficial. It allows you to be yourself..
8.Do you think that bloggers society is isolated from real world or interacts with events?
The bloggers society is an interaction of like minded people. Experiences are exchanged and opinions generated. One learns a lot in the process.
9.Does criticism annoy you or do you feel it's a normal thing?
Healthy criticism is okay. I don’t think I’d worry too much about malicious criticism.That is also part of life.
10.Do you fear some political blogs and avoid them?
Politics does not interest me very much. I may not deliberately avoid them.But I wouldn’t be too interested in going through them. Nor would I want to comment.
11.Did you get shocked by the arrest of some bloggers?
I did not know about such arrests and would like to know the reasons. I would like to take it as a warning.
12.Did you think about what will happen to your blog after you die?
Death is a certainity. In fact it is the only thing that is common to all people.I don’t think I’d worry too much about it. I would rather enjoy what life has to offer.
13.What do you like to hear? What's the song you might like to put a link to in your blog?
There was a song
‘Courage brother,Do not stumble
Though thy path be dark as night,
Turn from man and look above thee,
Trust in God and do the right.'
I’d like to put a link to the song in my blog.It would really lift my spirits up!
About more people to tag, I don't know.
I'll tag Passerby55 and Usha I guess if they are willing.
Here are my answers to the questions:
1.Are you happy/satisfied with your blog with it's content and look?Does your family know about your blog?
Yes I am quite happy with my the content of my blog.I leave it to you to judge its looks. My daughter was the one to introduce me to the blog world and my family knows about it.
2.Do you feel embarrassed to let your friends know about your blog or you just consider it as a private thing?
I have no embarassment about anyone reading my blog. My close friends already know of most things that I write.
3.Did blogs cause positive changes in your thoughts?
I got to know a lot by reading the opinion of my blog readers thro’ their comments. I really enjoy them and feel good. Positive changes automatically follow.
4.Do you only open the blogs of those who comment on your blog or you love to go and discover more by yourself?
I read the blogs of those who comment. The visitor directs me to other good blog posts.Right now I am busy.Once I return to India in October I’ll try and discover more blogs on my own.
5.What does visitors counter mean to you? Do you care about putting it in your blog?
Oh yes. I have a site meter and I do look it up.It gives me an idea of the many people who visit my site.
6.Did you try to imagine your fellow bloggers and give them real pictures?
I have a mental picture of my fellow bloggers based on the stuff they write. It is more to do with their mind than looks.
7.Admit. Do you think there is a real benefit for blogging?
I find blogging very beneficial. It allows you to be yourself..
8.Do you think that bloggers society is isolated from real world or interacts with events?
The bloggers society is an interaction of like minded people. Experiences are exchanged and opinions generated. One learns a lot in the process.
9.Does criticism annoy you or do you feel it's a normal thing?
Healthy criticism is okay. I don’t think I’d worry too much about malicious criticism.That is also part of life.
10.Do you fear some political blogs and avoid them?
Politics does not interest me very much. I may not deliberately avoid them.But I wouldn’t be too interested in going through them. Nor would I want to comment.
11.Did you get shocked by the arrest of some bloggers?
I did not know about such arrests and would like to know the reasons. I would like to take it as a warning.
12.Did you think about what will happen to your blog after you die?
Death is a certainity. In fact it is the only thing that is common to all people.I don’t think I’d worry too much about it. I would rather enjoy what life has to offer.
13.What do you like to hear? What's the song you might like to put a link to in your blog?
There was a song
‘Courage brother,Do not stumble
Though thy path be dark as night,
Turn from man and look above thee,
Trust in God and do the right.'
I’d like to put a link to the song in my blog.It would really lift my spirits up!
About more people to tag, I don't know.
I'll tag Passerby55 and Usha I guess if they are willing.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
The joy of planning.
Navaratri is just around the corner and I am filled with nostalgia about my childhood when we would go from house to house for ‘Golu’ collecting ‘sundal’ from each house that we visited. I continued the tradition till my girls were available to go around and invite people for ‘haldi and kumkum’. I arranged the dolls carefully collected by my mother in law and celebrated Navaratri in the traditional tamilian style. We lived in an one bed room apartment and space was limited. But the festival was observed with great interest. Soon my daughters left home for college and though we had shifted to a three bedroom flat of our own the tamilian population had by then dispersed and somehow I did not retain the enthusiasm of continuing the tradition of ‘golu’ or ‘gudia pooja’ as the north Indians called it. I still invite a few friends over the ninth day when we celebrate Saraswati pooja but the spirit of Navaratri is missing. I sometimes wonder why?
I can think of some reasons that may have contributed to the situation-
1)When I started the ritual I had no other means of interacting with others of my age. We were about 10 tamilian families in our area and our children were young. Money was limited and we looked forward to the festive season to treat our children to an outing, to invite others over and to buy good clothes for the members of the family. There was no TV and eating out was almost unheard of. Now we have spending money and the joy of looking forward to new clothes during Navaratri and Deepavali is no longer there. Could this be a reason?
2)The weather during Navaratri is usually pleasant and many families prefer to travel to places of tourist interest during the season.
3)My research work went on for three seasons and the crop I took up as my research tool was seasonal. Its life cycle began in August and ended in November. My puja vacations were utilized for research work.
4)Our plans normally centre around the children. Now that they have flown the nest I have lost interest.
5)Tamilians who were my neighbors twenty years back have either left the town or moved to far off places. The few who remain are not too keen. Has this rubbed off into me also?
6)Social life in general has taken a beating.
7)Am I perhaps not too keen myself and prefer to utilize the vacation to organise my house and relax with a book?
Wharever be the reason I need to start again and these are things that I can do during Navaratri-
1)Invite a poor and needy person for lunch with her family and give her children a little money to spend on something they very much want to do.
2)Buy stationery items and distribute it among needy school going children.
3)Organise a bhajan during Navaratri and invite friends over.
4)Seek out others whose children have left home, form a group and go for a picnic instead of brooding over the time when ‘the kids were at home’.
5)Reach out to someone in distress and give him/her a little of my time.
That’s all I can think of. I wonder if there is anything else that I can do. Any suggestions? I do feel that with a little less money we have much more to look forward to and that perhaps makes life more interesting. I miss the joy of planning and making sure that each one’s need is attended to. I miss giving my father in law a little spending money. I miss the joy that I saw in his face when I ran out of cash and asked him for it. The way he’d look up and say “Always set aside some money for a rainy day”. I made him feel so very important when he’d turn round and ask “ If it were not for me what would you do?” More on that later. Right now I am in a pensive mood and ask myself if there is something missing and if there is truth in the saying ‘Poverty in the midst of plenty’
I can think of some reasons that may have contributed to the situation-
1)When I started the ritual I had no other means of interacting with others of my age. We were about 10 tamilian families in our area and our children were young. Money was limited and we looked forward to the festive season to treat our children to an outing, to invite others over and to buy good clothes for the members of the family. There was no TV and eating out was almost unheard of. Now we have spending money and the joy of looking forward to new clothes during Navaratri and Deepavali is no longer there. Could this be a reason?
2)The weather during Navaratri is usually pleasant and many families prefer to travel to places of tourist interest during the season.
3)My research work went on for three seasons and the crop I took up as my research tool was seasonal. Its life cycle began in August and ended in November. My puja vacations were utilized for research work.
4)Our plans normally centre around the children. Now that they have flown the nest I have lost interest.
5)Tamilians who were my neighbors twenty years back have either left the town or moved to far off places. The few who remain are not too keen. Has this rubbed off into me also?
6)Social life in general has taken a beating.
7)Am I perhaps not too keen myself and prefer to utilize the vacation to organise my house and relax with a book?
Wharever be the reason I need to start again and these are things that I can do during Navaratri-
1)Invite a poor and needy person for lunch with her family and give her children a little money to spend on something they very much want to do.
2)Buy stationery items and distribute it among needy school going children.
3)Organise a bhajan during Navaratri and invite friends over.
4)Seek out others whose children have left home, form a group and go for a picnic instead of brooding over the time when ‘the kids were at home’.
5)Reach out to someone in distress and give him/her a little of my time.
That’s all I can think of. I wonder if there is anything else that I can do. Any suggestions? I do feel that with a little less money we have much more to look forward to and that perhaps makes life more interesting. I miss the joy of planning and making sure that each one’s need is attended to. I miss giving my father in law a little spending money. I miss the joy that I saw in his face when I ran out of cash and asked him for it. The way he’d look up and say “Always set aside some money for a rainy day”. I made him feel so very important when he’d turn round and ask “ If it were not for me what would you do?” More on that later. Right now I am in a pensive mood and ask myself if there is something missing and if there is truth in the saying ‘Poverty in the midst of plenty’
Saturday, September 16, 2006
Some points to ponder about-
I thought I'd share with you some impressions I gathered from a book I read recently. It was a correspondence between a Rabbi Shmuel Boteach and a paranormalist Uri Geller. Most of these are in concurrence with my own perceptions of life. In fact it confirms my own faith in the goodness of the human race which transcends all possible religious affiliations. These are quotes picked up at random and may not be very organised. They cannot be specifically attributed to either of the authors because I felt they were two people saying the same thing in different words. I may be wrong but then that is how I see it. I post it in my blog as much for myself as for you.
1)One should not seek to understand suffering. Rather he should work to obliterate it.
2)A relationship is a two way process.we cannot just holler when things go wrong we must allow our hearts to swell up at all that is beautiful. Events of today are controlled by promises of tomorrow.
3)Invisible things are the most precious and powerful.
4)To be fully human is to have worked and struggled to be special.
5)A single ray of human love and warmth is enough to dispel all gloom and darkness of all the world’s confused adolescents.
6)Religious people can often be bad representatives of their faith.
7)Three things that humans want in their lives are meaning,joy and goodness.It is impossible to be joyous withot being good.
8)Truth is a human necessity. A lie cannot last and falsehood cannot flourish.
9)One should aim to be human because that is challenging and ultimately fetches rewards.
10)God does not love or bless man made divisions.Rather He loves man himself.
11)Alexander the Great willed that he should be buried with his hands protruding out of the coffin.He wanted to show his soldiers that although he had conquered the world he when he left it his hands were empty.
12)Your actions are worthy only if your inner self is in harmony with your external actions.
13)Goodness is not a ritual that comes with practice.It is a struggle that has to be overcome each time you try to be good.
14)God is not present in the wind, water or fire look for Him within you.He is in the soft voice of the conscience within you.
15)Belief in one’s SELF is the same as belief in one’s God
1)One should not seek to understand suffering. Rather he should work to obliterate it.
2)A relationship is a two way process.we cannot just holler when things go wrong we must allow our hearts to swell up at all that is beautiful. Events of today are controlled by promises of tomorrow.
3)Invisible things are the most precious and powerful.
4)To be fully human is to have worked and struggled to be special.
5)A single ray of human love and warmth is enough to dispel all gloom and darkness of all the world’s confused adolescents.
6)Religious people can often be bad representatives of their faith.
7)Three things that humans want in their lives are meaning,joy and goodness.It is impossible to be joyous withot being good.
8)Truth is a human necessity. A lie cannot last and falsehood cannot flourish.
9)One should aim to be human because that is challenging and ultimately fetches rewards.
10)God does not love or bless man made divisions.Rather He loves man himself.
11)Alexander the Great willed that he should be buried with his hands protruding out of the coffin.He wanted to show his soldiers that although he had conquered the world he when he left it his hands were empty.
12)Your actions are worthy only if your inner self is in harmony with your external actions.
13)Goodness is not a ritual that comes with practice.It is a struggle that has to be overcome each time you try to be good.
14)God is not present in the wind, water or fire look for Him within you.He is in the soft voice of the conscience within you.
15)Belief in one’s SELF is the same as belief in one’s God
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Can't we bond?
Although my previous post was not directed at MIL/DIL relationships it seems to have provoked a lot of reactionary opinion in the matter. It is a much debated relationship and has been the theme of many interesting novels, plays as also, unfortunately, the never ending soap operas that dominate the prime time of cable and national TV network.
Times are changing or so they say. The tussle for one upmanship in the household between the MIL/DIL duo still continues albeit in a more subdued manner. I sometimes wonder if this love/ hate equation between the two ladies actually adds spice to an otherwise monotonous existence as one saw in Sachin’s ‘Tu Tu Main Main’. On a more serious note I wonder if, as in some families that I know, it actually suits the men in the house to have the two ladies at loggerheads with one another. I am no expert but I’ll try to put down a few of my observations. I find it safe to use myself as an example but in general I find that it applies to most people around me.
The first reason for any relationship to sour is unrealistic expectations. A mother in law’s role in making her daughter in law feel welcomed cannot be over looked or ignored. The girl comes from an entirely different setup and needs time to adjust to new ways. She needs time to bond with her new family. She may call her mother in law amma but all the time she is making a mental comparison between her mother and mother in law. She needs to understand that this new ‘amma’ acquired by virtue of her marriage may have a different approach but is nevertheless her well-wisher. Little gestures of appreciation go a long way in forging a life long relationship. My mother in law couldn’t care less if I spoke good English or wrote interesting letters. Her expectations from me were very simple. That I would be an efficient home-maker and take charge of the house hold and relieve her of her duties. I had spent my growing years in two different hostels and with elders taking care of the kitchen I enjoyed hostel life even at home. My mother in law expected me to spin like a top and I landed at her place expecting to learn from scratch. I was a willing learner but she was in no mood to teach. I had perhaps disappointed her from the outset.
I’d think ‘ Why can’t she tell me?’
May be she thought ‘Why should I?’
In my less charitable mood I’d think that like Karna in Mahabharat who was born with ear rings and an armor, she was perhaps born with a ladle in one hand and duster in another. She was obsessed about keeping the house clean while I had only learnt to make my bed and arrange my almirah. Likewise she might have had thought of something mean about me.
However, my MIL was also a very clever person. After the initial disappointment she decided to tone down a bit. She saw that it was easier to mould a novice and began by giving me small responsibilities and leaving me to deal with them. I realized that I had to prove a point so within six months I managed to pick up a decent amount of house keeping. I don’t even remember when and how we became friends. Today I realize that she gave in a lot without seeming to do so. Hats off to her administrative capacities.
Emotional dependence on the son/husband also causes a rift in relationships. It is important for a wife to remember that the woman one regards with suspicion is actually the one who gave him life and has played an important role in making him the man whom you ultimately married. Insecurities will definitely haunt her mind. There is no harm in making her feel that she is still the one in control and nothing has changed on account of your arrival. Once mutual trust is built, believe me, you’ll have her taking your side. I say this out of personal experience.
Finally financial control. God forbid if at some point of time I have to trouble my children for money. Nothing would hurt me more than to burden them financially. Parents like to be always able to give but in the twilight of one’s life it is not always possible. Tension builds up when funds are limited and in today’s world it is a question of give and take. There is a popular saying that even a rat runs away from a sinking ship. Should one’s parent turn out to be a sinking ship children should be the plugs that seal the holes and not rats that run away.
All relationships thrive on mutual trust and respect. A mother who has faith in her son will never ill treat her daughter in law. Likewise a daughter in law who respects and loves her husband will automatically love his family. Differences can be addressed amicably. A direct and frank approach is better than dropping hints and reading between lines. Joint families are becoming rare and this is causing adjustment problems. Children look upon grand parents as intruders and parents are unwilling to give up luxuries that they are used to. Advice is neither given nor taken. A kind of indifference, a lack of concern is setting in. This I feel is not good for society as a whole. Let us change this trend while we can. Living together as a joint family is not possible any more. But let us remain in touch and meet as often as possible so that if and when parents move in they may not feel out of place.
I end with a point that often comes to my mind. We adjust in our work place, we adjust with our neighbors but when it comes to one’s MIL/DIL one cannot even be civil. Is it so difficult a task or aren’t we trying hard enough?
Times are changing or so they say. The tussle for one upmanship in the household between the MIL/DIL duo still continues albeit in a more subdued manner. I sometimes wonder if this love/ hate equation between the two ladies actually adds spice to an otherwise monotonous existence as one saw in Sachin’s ‘Tu Tu Main Main’. On a more serious note I wonder if, as in some families that I know, it actually suits the men in the house to have the two ladies at loggerheads with one another. I am no expert but I’ll try to put down a few of my observations. I find it safe to use myself as an example but in general I find that it applies to most people around me.
The first reason for any relationship to sour is unrealistic expectations. A mother in law’s role in making her daughter in law feel welcomed cannot be over looked or ignored. The girl comes from an entirely different setup and needs time to adjust to new ways. She needs time to bond with her new family. She may call her mother in law amma but all the time she is making a mental comparison between her mother and mother in law. She needs to understand that this new ‘amma’ acquired by virtue of her marriage may have a different approach but is nevertheless her well-wisher. Little gestures of appreciation go a long way in forging a life long relationship. My mother in law couldn’t care less if I spoke good English or wrote interesting letters. Her expectations from me were very simple. That I would be an efficient home-maker and take charge of the house hold and relieve her of her duties. I had spent my growing years in two different hostels and with elders taking care of the kitchen I enjoyed hostel life even at home. My mother in law expected me to spin like a top and I landed at her place expecting to learn from scratch. I was a willing learner but she was in no mood to teach. I had perhaps disappointed her from the outset.
I’d think ‘ Why can’t she tell me?’
May be she thought ‘Why should I?’
In my less charitable mood I’d think that like Karna in Mahabharat who was born with ear rings and an armor, she was perhaps born with a ladle in one hand and duster in another. She was obsessed about keeping the house clean while I had only learnt to make my bed and arrange my almirah. Likewise she might have had thought of something mean about me.
However, my MIL was also a very clever person. After the initial disappointment she decided to tone down a bit. She saw that it was easier to mould a novice and began by giving me small responsibilities and leaving me to deal with them. I realized that I had to prove a point so within six months I managed to pick up a decent amount of house keeping. I don’t even remember when and how we became friends. Today I realize that she gave in a lot without seeming to do so. Hats off to her administrative capacities.
Emotional dependence on the son/husband also causes a rift in relationships. It is important for a wife to remember that the woman one regards with suspicion is actually the one who gave him life and has played an important role in making him the man whom you ultimately married. Insecurities will definitely haunt her mind. There is no harm in making her feel that she is still the one in control and nothing has changed on account of your arrival. Once mutual trust is built, believe me, you’ll have her taking your side. I say this out of personal experience.
Finally financial control. God forbid if at some point of time I have to trouble my children for money. Nothing would hurt me more than to burden them financially. Parents like to be always able to give but in the twilight of one’s life it is not always possible. Tension builds up when funds are limited and in today’s world it is a question of give and take. There is a popular saying that even a rat runs away from a sinking ship. Should one’s parent turn out to be a sinking ship children should be the plugs that seal the holes and not rats that run away.
All relationships thrive on mutual trust and respect. A mother who has faith in her son will never ill treat her daughter in law. Likewise a daughter in law who respects and loves her husband will automatically love his family. Differences can be addressed amicably. A direct and frank approach is better than dropping hints and reading between lines. Joint families are becoming rare and this is causing adjustment problems. Children look upon grand parents as intruders and parents are unwilling to give up luxuries that they are used to. Advice is neither given nor taken. A kind of indifference, a lack of concern is setting in. This I feel is not good for society as a whole. Let us change this trend while we can. Living together as a joint family is not possible any more. But let us remain in touch and meet as often as possible so that if and when parents move in they may not feel out of place.
I end with a point that often comes to my mind. We adjust in our work place, we adjust with our neighbors but when it comes to one’s MIL/DIL one cannot even be civil. Is it so difficult a task or aren’t we trying hard enough?
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Do you ever wonder why-
Did you ever wonder why-
When a son listens to his wife he is hen pecked but a son in law doing the same is called considerate?
When your mother refuses to baby sit your child she’s getting on in age but if it is your mother in law she is just being mean?
When your daughter goes out leaving you to deal with your headache she needs to relax but when your daughter in law goes out after finishing all her work she’s labeled irresponsible?
Your hyperactive kid is a creative genius while your neighbor’s child is a spoilt brat?
When you over dress for a party, you’re doing it against your will but another friend who does it is showing off?
Your husband worked hard to get his promotion but everyone else got it by pleasing the boss?
Your son is innocent and does not know the ways of the world if he walks into your home empty handed but your daughter in law doing so is miserly/ stingy and what not?
The jar broken by your daughter is made of clay but that which your daughter in law breaks is too precious to replace?
While you offer to help out at your mother’s place before your brother got married you expect to be waited upon by your sister in law from the minute she steps into your maternal home?
Your sister always has better features than your sister in law?
A man may crack jokes and have fun with his wife’s siblings but he dare not show genuine concern over his own family’s welfare?
A son may never appreciate his mother in law’s cooking?
The food cooked by one’s mother in law/ daughter in law is always too spicy or too bland?
I end here. Others are welcome to continue from where I left.
Actually I am reading an amazing book and needed to relax. I thought of noting down parts of the book to post in my blog. I don’t really know what to mention or leave out. So I better recommend the book and leave it to you to decide. The book is titled ‘The Psychic and The Rabbi – A remarkable Correspondence’ between Uri Geller & Rabbi Shmuley Boteach. I haven’t finished it and will write about it later. In the mean time I felt like writing something light hearted and hence the above post. I do realize that no relationship is black or white. Shades of gray do come in. I don’t mean to be judgmental so just laugh it off!
When a son listens to his wife he is hen pecked but a son in law doing the same is called considerate?
When your mother refuses to baby sit your child she’s getting on in age but if it is your mother in law she is just being mean?
When your daughter goes out leaving you to deal with your headache she needs to relax but when your daughter in law goes out after finishing all her work she’s labeled irresponsible?
Your hyperactive kid is a creative genius while your neighbor’s child is a spoilt brat?
When you over dress for a party, you’re doing it against your will but another friend who does it is showing off?
Your husband worked hard to get his promotion but everyone else got it by pleasing the boss?
Your son is innocent and does not know the ways of the world if he walks into your home empty handed but your daughter in law doing so is miserly/ stingy and what not?
The jar broken by your daughter is made of clay but that which your daughter in law breaks is too precious to replace?
While you offer to help out at your mother’s place before your brother got married you expect to be waited upon by your sister in law from the minute she steps into your maternal home?
Your sister always has better features than your sister in law?
A man may crack jokes and have fun with his wife’s siblings but he dare not show genuine concern over his own family’s welfare?
A son may never appreciate his mother in law’s cooking?
The food cooked by one’s mother in law/ daughter in law is always too spicy or too bland?
I end here. Others are welcome to continue from where I left.
Actually I am reading an amazing book and needed to relax. I thought of noting down parts of the book to post in my blog. I don’t really know what to mention or leave out. So I better recommend the book and leave it to you to decide. The book is titled ‘The Psychic and The Rabbi – A remarkable Correspondence’ between Uri Geller & Rabbi Shmuley Boteach. I haven’t finished it and will write about it later. In the mean time I felt like writing something light hearted and hence the above post. I do realize that no relationship is black or white. Shades of gray do come in. I don’t mean to be judgmental so just laugh it off!
Friday, September 08, 2006
You Can Make an IMPACT
A good friend of mine sent me this post. I thought I should share it with you
One day, when I was a freshman in high school,
I saw a kid from my class was walking home from
school.
His name was Kyle.
It looked like he was carrying all of his books.
I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring
home all his books on a Friday?
He must really be a nerd."
I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on.
As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running
toward him.They ran at him, knocking all his books out of
his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt.
His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in
the grass about ten feet from him.
He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in
his eyes.My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to
him and as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear
in his eye.
As I handed him his glasses, I said, "Those guys
are jerks. "
They really should get lives.
" He looked at me and said, "Hey thanks!"
There was a big smile on his face.It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.
I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived.
As it turned out, he lived near me,! so I asked
him why I had never seen him before.
He said he had gone to private school before now.
I would have never hung out with a private
school kid before.
We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books.
He turned out to be a pretty cool kid.
I asked him if he wanted to play a little
football with my friends
He said yes.
We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I
liked him, and my friends thought the same of him.
Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the
huge stack of books again.
I stopped him and said, "Boy, you are gonna
really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!
"He just laughed and handed me half the books.
Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends.
When we were seniors, we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown , and I was going to Duke.
I knew that we would always be friends, that the
miles would never be a problem.
He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for
business on a football scholarship.
Kyle was valedictorian of our class.I teased him all the time about being a nerd.
He had to prepare a speech for graduation.
I was so gl ad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak
Graduation day, I saw Kyle.
He looked great. He was one of those guys that
really found himself during high school.
He filled out and actually looked good in glasses.
He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him.
Boy, sometimes I was jealous.
Today was one of those days.
I could see that he was nervous about his speech.
So, I smacked him on the back and said, "Hey, big guy, you'll be great!"
He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled.
"Thanks," he said.
As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began
"Graduation is a time to thank those who helped
you make it through those tough years.
Your parents, your teachers, your siblings,
maybe a coach...but mostly your friends...
I am here to tell all of you that being a friend
to someone is the best gift you can give them.
I am going to tell you a story."
I just looked at my friend with disbelief! as he
told the story of the first day we met.
He had planned to kill himself over the weekend.
He talked of how he had cleaned out his lockerso his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home.
He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile.
"Thankfully, I was saved.
My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable. "
I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this
handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment.
I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling
that same grateful smile.
Not until that moment did I realize its depth.
Never underestimate the power of your actions.
With one small gesture you can change a person's life.
For better or for worse.
God puts us all in each other's lives to impact
one another in some way.
One day, when I was a freshman in high school,
I saw a kid from my class was walking home from
school.
His name was Kyle.
It looked like he was carrying all of his books.
I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring
home all his books on a Friday?
He must really be a nerd."
I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on.
As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running
toward him.They ran at him, knocking all his books out of
his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt.
His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in
the grass about ten feet from him.
He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in
his eyes.My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to
him and as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear
in his eye.
As I handed him his glasses, I said, "Those guys
are jerks. "
They really should get lives.
" He looked at me and said, "Hey thanks!"
There was a big smile on his face.It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.
I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived.
As it turned out, he lived near me,! so I asked
him why I had never seen him before.
He said he had gone to private school before now.
I would have never hung out with a private
school kid before.
We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books.
He turned out to be a pretty cool kid.
I asked him if he wanted to play a little
football with my friends
He said yes.
We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I
liked him, and my friends thought the same of him.
Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the
huge stack of books again.
I stopped him and said, "Boy, you are gonna
really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!
"He just laughed and handed me half the books.
Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends.
When we were seniors, we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown , and I was going to Duke.
I knew that we would always be friends, that the
miles would never be a problem.
He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for
business on a football scholarship.
Kyle was valedictorian of our class.I teased him all the time about being a nerd.
He had to prepare a speech for graduation.
I was so gl ad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak
Graduation day, I saw Kyle.
He looked great. He was one of those guys that
really found himself during high school.
He filled out and actually looked good in glasses.
He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him.
Boy, sometimes I was jealous.
Today was one of those days.
I could see that he was nervous about his speech.
So, I smacked him on the back and said, "Hey, big guy, you'll be great!"
He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled.
"Thanks," he said.
As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began
"Graduation is a time to thank those who helped
you make it through those tough years.
Your parents, your teachers, your siblings,
maybe a coach...but mostly your friends...
I am here to tell all of you that being a friend
to someone is the best gift you can give them.
I am going to tell you a story."
I just looked at my friend with disbelief! as he
told the story of the first day we met.
He had planned to kill himself over the weekend.
He talked of how he had cleaned out his lockerso his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home.
He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile.
"Thankfully, I was saved.
My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable. "
I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this
handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment.
I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling
that same grateful smile.
Not until that moment did I realize its depth.
Never underestimate the power of your actions.
With one small gesture you can change a person's life.
For better or for worse.
God puts us all in each other's lives to impact
one another in some way.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
To Care And Share.
I was tempted to write about reasons for sticking to my husband (I mean remaining married to him) on reading Lalitha’s blog on the same topic. I am afraid my reasons are not romantic like hers. I can only give practical reasons. After all having been together for 33 years we have indeed made ourselves useful to the other person. I really wish to know his reasons but being a no nonsense type he refuses to get trapped. So here I go-
1) He makes our morning coffee and makes it rather well. I love being pampered to steaming hot coffee early in the morning. All good things have a price tag attached to it and so I too pay a price. He chooses to make the coffee at 5.30 in the morning and starts waking me up from the time he opens his eyes. We stay in an apartment complex that houses 118 flats and our block alone we have 18 flats. I am sure that mothers of school going kids don’t set their alarm clocks. They might be getting up when he wakes me for coffee. So he is actually alarm clock that doubles up for a coffee maker! Please don’t start imagining that he makes coffee out of any great concern for me. His concern is for the cream in the milk and is scared that I might disturb the cream that he carefully removes it from the milk and stores it in the fridge. He later churns it to butter, melts the butter into ghee and finally gives away to any one who is lucky enough to be allowed to consume ghee. Half the urban population has diabetes and blood pressure so the main beneficiaries are our present and ex servants. Gone are the days when servants were given left over food! Anyway they are the only ones who put in physical work and deserve to consume ghee. My ex servant lives some two kilometers from my house and I go to her place on my way to college to give her the ghee that is processed with care.
2) The next important role that my husband plays in my life is that he ‘walks’ me to health. The doctor advised me to walk at least five kilometers a day to keep a check on my blood sugar. My husband hates to pop pills and feels bad that I am on pills for sugar and pressure. He does his bit by accompanying me on a morning walk so that at least my dosage remains the same. On our morning walks he briefs me with world news, extracts from Discovery channel, ‘sansani’ and ‘vardaat’ news from the different channels that he watches when I am away . I am adept at becoming selectively deaf and take in what I feel like and leave out the rest. Much as I like to pull his leg, I must admit that I am touched by his concern and wish to remain well at least for his sake.
3) I was taught to drive a car by a driver from a motor training school. I had just turned 54 and they gave me a driver who was 77 years old! What the logic behind such a choice I wouldn’t know. He took the liberty of scolding me properly whenever I made a mistake and perhaps that was a reason. I still see him on the road, training youngsters half or a third of my age and he seems proud of me. I see him pointing in my direction and the trainee looks at me with a kind of new respect! My husband has taken it on himself to continue from where Mr. Hussain left. I am registered for a life long training. Whenever he is with me in the car the conversation goes like this-
“ Look out! There’s a bump! Slow down a bit. Yeah the boy may choose to cross…blow the horn for him ……….Careful! Caaarefulll….. there is a sppeeeeding mini busss…these fellows are not to be trusted….ah watch out for the cyclist..change the gear………!
Once I offered to take a friend of mine and her husband to another friend’s house for Holi. This friend unfortunately had a stroke and never fully recovered from it. Once I gained enough confidence, I offered to take her around and this particular trip was our first one together. My husband by my side continued to direct me as mentioned above. My friend’s husband got nervous and asked me if I had some problem with my eyesight. I don’t blame him ‘cos my husband kept warning me of bumps and buffalos in the same monotone. Anyone who couldn’t spot a buffalo had to be blind!
You may think I’d be annoyed and dump him on the road. Far from getting annoyed I actually miss his background music when I am on my own. It is like AIR of our times that would keep mumbling something to no one in particular but once put off everyone would miss it. To top it, my husband doesn’t know to drive
All of the above were mentioned just to pull his legs. The real reason is that he has been a caring husband and father that we have no reason to complain. I’ve grown old with him and we sort of compliment each other. I remember phone numbers and addresses while he takes care of bank accounts. He was born on 15th August and I was born on 26th January! We’ve cared and shared and as long as we are together our children can get on with their lives without worrying too much about us.
1) He makes our morning coffee and makes it rather well. I love being pampered to steaming hot coffee early in the morning. All good things have a price tag attached to it and so I too pay a price. He chooses to make the coffee at 5.30 in the morning and starts waking me up from the time he opens his eyes. We stay in an apartment complex that houses 118 flats and our block alone we have 18 flats. I am sure that mothers of school going kids don’t set their alarm clocks. They might be getting up when he wakes me for coffee. So he is actually alarm clock that doubles up for a coffee maker! Please don’t start imagining that he makes coffee out of any great concern for me. His concern is for the cream in the milk and is scared that I might disturb the cream that he carefully removes it from the milk and stores it in the fridge. He later churns it to butter, melts the butter into ghee and finally gives away to any one who is lucky enough to be allowed to consume ghee. Half the urban population has diabetes and blood pressure so the main beneficiaries are our present and ex servants. Gone are the days when servants were given left over food! Anyway they are the only ones who put in physical work and deserve to consume ghee. My ex servant lives some two kilometers from my house and I go to her place on my way to college to give her the ghee that is processed with care.
2) The next important role that my husband plays in my life is that he ‘walks’ me to health. The doctor advised me to walk at least five kilometers a day to keep a check on my blood sugar. My husband hates to pop pills and feels bad that I am on pills for sugar and pressure. He does his bit by accompanying me on a morning walk so that at least my dosage remains the same. On our morning walks he briefs me with world news, extracts from Discovery channel, ‘sansani’ and ‘vardaat’ news from the different channels that he watches when I am away . I am adept at becoming selectively deaf and take in what I feel like and leave out the rest. Much as I like to pull his leg, I must admit that I am touched by his concern and wish to remain well at least for his sake.
3) I was taught to drive a car by a driver from a motor training school. I had just turned 54 and they gave me a driver who was 77 years old! What the logic behind such a choice I wouldn’t know. He took the liberty of scolding me properly whenever I made a mistake and perhaps that was a reason. I still see him on the road, training youngsters half or a third of my age and he seems proud of me. I see him pointing in my direction and the trainee looks at me with a kind of new respect! My husband has taken it on himself to continue from where Mr. Hussain left. I am registered for a life long training. Whenever he is with me in the car the conversation goes like this-
“ Look out! There’s a bump! Slow down a bit. Yeah the boy may choose to cross…blow the horn for him ……….Careful! Caaarefulll….. there is a sppeeeeding mini busss…these fellows are not to be trusted….ah watch out for the cyclist..change the gear………!
Once I offered to take a friend of mine and her husband to another friend’s house for Holi. This friend unfortunately had a stroke and never fully recovered from it. Once I gained enough confidence, I offered to take her around and this particular trip was our first one together. My husband by my side continued to direct me as mentioned above. My friend’s husband got nervous and asked me if I had some problem with my eyesight. I don’t blame him ‘cos my husband kept warning me of bumps and buffalos in the same monotone. Anyone who couldn’t spot a buffalo had to be blind!
You may think I’d be annoyed and dump him on the road. Far from getting annoyed I actually miss his background music when I am on my own. It is like AIR of our times that would keep mumbling something to no one in particular but once put off everyone would miss it. To top it, my husband doesn’t know to drive
All of the above were mentioned just to pull his legs. The real reason is that he has been a caring husband and father that we have no reason to complain. I’ve grown old with him and we sort of compliment each other. I remember phone numbers and addresses while he takes care of bank accounts. He was born on 15th August and I was born on 26th January! We’ve cared and shared and as long as we are together our children can get on with their lives without worrying too much about us.
Monday, September 04, 2006
Dare to be A Daniel!
The founders of our college, Dr. N.K. Singh and his wife Dr. K. Savitri, were ambitious people. They were visionaries who dreamt of establishing a women’s college in the steel city and aimed to make it a college with a difference. The name they gave it was also unique. They called it ‘The Graduate School, College For Women’. I choose to speak of them as ‘founders’ of our college because I find impossible to refer to one person as the founder and leave the other out. We in the college were liked pampered children who would be scolded by ‘Madam’ the principal and pacified by ‘Sir’ the founder! The college was later taken over by the Ranchi University but the spirit of its founders still prevails.
Dr. N.K. Singh started his career as a lecturer in Jamshedpur Co- Operative College. My husband who was student of the college around that time recalls how his students would throng to attend his classes and those who couldn’t get a seat in the lecture hall would wait outside to listen to him. He went on to become the Head of the Commerce Faculty in the college, Dean of the commerce faculty in Ranchi University and Professor in charge of Jharia College near Dhandad. After his retirement, he could have settled down to an evening game of cards and enjoyed a relaxed retired life. However that was not to be. The educationist in him prodded him on to starting a school and as if establishing a college was not enough he gave shape to another of his dreams and founded a school – S.D. Singh Memorial School for Excellence.
The Teacher’s day is just around the corner and I wish to pay a tribute to this great educationist of our times. I am not competent enough to speak of his achievements for there are others who are better equipped to do the job. I speak of him as one who transformed our institute to an extended family to each of who worked in it – Of the values he instilled into our system.
When I joined the college as Lab in Charge, the college was just ten years old. At the time of my interview Madam and Sir were in Ranchi, with madam busy finalizing her Ph. D. thesis. The two of them trusted their teachers from the science faculty, not yet thirty years of age, to conduct the interview and select suitable candidates. They had such faith in their teachers that they accepted their verdict without a question. It was ten years since I had finished my B.Sc. and I was rather very much out of touch with my subject. I had not even known that such a college existed and had applied purely by chance. My HOD later confided that it was evident that I was out of touch but my academic record indicated that I would soon pick up from where I had left. She therefore decided to give me a chance. If our founders trusted her, she trusted me. It is this chain of mutual trust that linked them to each other and the first lesson I learnt was to succeed I had to trust myself as well as others around me!
Another area that stands out among us is the family spirit that we display. When I was new to the college, I was surprised that some senior teachers called the Principal ‘akka’. If madam was ‘akka’, Dr. N.K. Singh was ‘chachaji’ to some of the junior teachers! I do admit that I did feel a trifle left out in this set up. The principal’s PA was an ex student and so was the PTI. The peon in the Principal’s office was an old acquaintance of her family and during practical exams she would cook not only for the examiners but all of us as well! I would be left wondering if this was a function in the family seeing the hospitality shown by her to the examiners. Each new person was accepted into the family fold and we did not just 'work' in the college but ‘lived’ in it. Till today we continue to be fiercely protective of each other’s welfare.
A real teacher is one who can identify the hidden talent in each of her students. He should be able to bring out the best in them. He should be able to address the problems faced by weak students. We are fortunate to be guided by an outstanding educationist of our times, who continues to pick out gems for teachers. Yes, the school founded by him is also a school with a difference. Teachers selected to work in Dr. N.K. Singh’s school are required to take part in an orientation course. Only after being assessed if they are mentally competent enough to face the challenges posed by the profession, are they finally allowed to join the school.
Dr. N.K. Singh is turning seventy-five this year. He still continues to be part of our college. He may still spring surprises and come up with another enterprising program. I can only hope that we stay well enough to cope with this young man’s zest to do his bit, I mean best, for our society.
I end with a song that I loved to sing as a school girl-
Dare to be a Daniel
Dare to stand alone
Dare to have a purpose firm
And dare to make it known
Somehow I feel that these lines sum up the values that we have inherited from our mentor Dr.N.K. Singh and it is our duty to pass it on to the next generation.
Dr. N.K. Singh started his career as a lecturer in Jamshedpur Co- Operative College. My husband who was student of the college around that time recalls how his students would throng to attend his classes and those who couldn’t get a seat in the lecture hall would wait outside to listen to him. He went on to become the Head of the Commerce Faculty in the college, Dean of the commerce faculty in Ranchi University and Professor in charge of Jharia College near Dhandad. After his retirement, he could have settled down to an evening game of cards and enjoyed a relaxed retired life. However that was not to be. The educationist in him prodded him on to starting a school and as if establishing a college was not enough he gave shape to another of his dreams and founded a school – S.D. Singh Memorial School for Excellence.
The Teacher’s day is just around the corner and I wish to pay a tribute to this great educationist of our times. I am not competent enough to speak of his achievements for there are others who are better equipped to do the job. I speak of him as one who transformed our institute to an extended family to each of who worked in it – Of the values he instilled into our system.
When I joined the college as Lab in Charge, the college was just ten years old. At the time of my interview Madam and Sir were in Ranchi, with madam busy finalizing her Ph. D. thesis. The two of them trusted their teachers from the science faculty, not yet thirty years of age, to conduct the interview and select suitable candidates. They had such faith in their teachers that they accepted their verdict without a question. It was ten years since I had finished my B.Sc. and I was rather very much out of touch with my subject. I had not even known that such a college existed and had applied purely by chance. My HOD later confided that it was evident that I was out of touch but my academic record indicated that I would soon pick up from where I had left. She therefore decided to give me a chance. If our founders trusted her, she trusted me. It is this chain of mutual trust that linked them to each other and the first lesson I learnt was to succeed I had to trust myself as well as others around me!
Another area that stands out among us is the family spirit that we display. When I was new to the college, I was surprised that some senior teachers called the Principal ‘akka’. If madam was ‘akka’, Dr. N.K. Singh was ‘chachaji’ to some of the junior teachers! I do admit that I did feel a trifle left out in this set up. The principal’s PA was an ex student and so was the PTI. The peon in the Principal’s office was an old acquaintance of her family and during practical exams she would cook not only for the examiners but all of us as well! I would be left wondering if this was a function in the family seeing the hospitality shown by her to the examiners. Each new person was accepted into the family fold and we did not just 'work' in the college but ‘lived’ in it. Till today we continue to be fiercely protective of each other’s welfare.
A real teacher is one who can identify the hidden talent in each of her students. He should be able to bring out the best in them. He should be able to address the problems faced by weak students. We are fortunate to be guided by an outstanding educationist of our times, who continues to pick out gems for teachers. Yes, the school founded by him is also a school with a difference. Teachers selected to work in Dr. N.K. Singh’s school are required to take part in an orientation course. Only after being assessed if they are mentally competent enough to face the challenges posed by the profession, are they finally allowed to join the school.
Dr. N.K. Singh is turning seventy-five this year. He still continues to be part of our college. He may still spring surprises and come up with another enterprising program. I can only hope that we stay well enough to cope with this young man’s zest to do his bit, I mean best, for our society.
I end with a song that I loved to sing as a school girl-
Dare to be a Daniel
Dare to stand alone
Dare to have a purpose firm
And dare to make it known
Somehow I feel that these lines sum up the values that we have inherited from our mentor Dr.N.K. Singh and it is our duty to pass it on to the next generation.
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