The festival of lights has arrived yet again and let me wish all of you a Very Happy and Safe Deepavali. The stories that give reason for such a celebration are many but the fact that is underlined in these stories is that might is not always right and justice prevails. Evil forces are ultimately conquered and truth wins. We need to remind ourselves of these optimistic messages whatever our religious belief. That is perhaps why Deepavali is welcomed by one and all. Do we need to be told that if Lord Ram had to fight a single Ravan- so what if he had 10 heads- We have to fight several Ravans in our everyday life.
To a father who tries to get his daughter married a dowry demanding groom and his parents must appear as Ravan personified.
To a pensioner who has to grease the palms of a dealing assistant to get his papers processed, the corrupt official who encourages his sub ordinates to do so and accepts a share of the bribe thus collected would be a modern version of Narakasur. When is Krishna planning to intervene? Or should we all become modern Krishnas and fight corruption?
The unborn female child who is subjected to sex determination tests and killed in the womb has to first deal with injustice at the hands of her own parents followed by doctors who say 'if not me it will be someone else. Why not me then?'
The terrorist who trains youngsters to become suicide bombers are amalgamations of 10 demons put together.
The best way to celebrate Deepavali would be to say a big NO to all social evils. We all have a Ram within us. We only need to identify our strength. The terrorist, corrupt officials and illegally functioning poly clinics would cease to exist if we stopped patronizing them. Let us take one step at a time and learn to stand up for our rights. The strength it gives is unbelievable.
A Happy Deepavali to all!
Monday, October 27, 2008
Monday, October 13, 2008
Tagged again
Rajani has given me this award for a second time and here are the rules.
When you receive the prize you must write a post showing it,together with the name of who has given it to you, and link them back
2. Choose a minimum of 7 blogs (or even more) that you find brilliant in their content or design.
3. Show their names and links and leave them a comment informing they were prized with ‘Brilliant Weblog’
4. Show a picture of those who awarded you and those you give the prize
(optional).
5.And pass it on so now I need to pass this award to bloggers of my choice who I consider brilliant.I choose to pass it on to those who have encouraged me in the past but are either too busy or for some reason have lost touch with me.I choose
Itching to write for the lovely accounts she gives of her twin delights.
Artnavy whose muthu stories were entertainingly brilliant.
Passerby55 who has stopped blogging but is nevertheless one of the most forthright and sensitive bloggers I've come across.
Apu who is rather busy now but writes brilliant pieces on my pet theme-feminism.
Velu Nair Where are you??I am not able to read you at all.
Neers for the lovely pictures she posts and the heartfelt poems she writes.
Archana Bahuguna whom I found and loved from DAY1.
All these bloggers are brilliant in their own way.I haven't been very regular myself so I can hardly blame them for drifting apart.However I do acknowledge that they all have a special place in my head and heart.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Gup Shap-2
On my husband’s insistence I write this piece ‘cos I cannot refuse him the right to be part of my blog world. He likes to tell people that he gives me ideas and I elaborate them which is not wrong. A few of the stories that make their rounds in our family have indeed found a place here and it was he, who suggested them. I was on a vacation to the south and in Tiruchy I happened to hear of a distant relative who’d qualify to be a Mrs. Natwarlal – such is her flair for duping people. B……. is a modestly educated woman who has duped the likes of bank managers who trusted her enough to give her loans for starting a computer center in the first instance and a dairy farm in the second. On the first occasion she borrowed money from the bank and purchased 10 computers at Rs. 30,000/- each and sold them for 20,000/- in about a month. She lodged an FIR with the local police station that her computer center had been robbed and the loan was written off as bad credit. On the second occasion she purchased 20 Jersey cows that yield a good amount of milk and started a dairy farm. Once the bank inspection was over she managed to sell the cows and replaced them with scrawny looking cows well past their reproductive age buying them for a pittance. Whenever the bank officials came to collect money she’d say that the cows did not yield sufficient milk and she’d pay up the loan when business picked up. When asked why the cows looked so disabled she’d insist that they were being fed well and suggest that perhaps a jealous neighbor had cast evil eyes on them. Finally they stopped approaching her since she would wail and complain that they were harassing her for no fault of hers. She could only feed the cows and it was up to the cows to yield milk. On a third occasion she bought jewelry from a well known goldsmith impressing him by arriving by car wearing a good amount of (artificial?) jewelry. She fussed a great deal about the design, rejected a good number of their stuff and finally purchased some jewelry pretending to oblige him and promised to come again when a fresh lot arrived. She paid him by cheque signing it by an imagined name and gave him a fictitious address. The cheque naturally bounced and she could not be traced.
I am not really sure if a person can get away with cheating and falsehood each and every time but I have no reason to doubt the story having known such a person in Jamshedpur as well. I had heard of his fraudulent dealings through reliable sources but while traveling back from Bangalore earlier this year I met a couple who had been his victims who gave me a first hand account. The man had taken 1.5 lacs from them promising admission in a reputed engineering college for their only son. The son neither got admission nor was the money returned. It is also said that the man’s wife explains to her children that their father was justified in accepting money for such services since he had the right connections. He was only charging them a ten percent commission. If the people he dealt with swallowed the money how could he be held responsible? A friend of mine talks of an acquaintance who claimed that it was not wrong to take advantage if one had the right connections.
“You are righteous under compulsion.” She’d say. “If you had the right connections you’d also make proper use of it.”
Would we? I wonder. As far as I perceive a person who cannot even make ends meet could well be honest and upright and another having all that money can buy could still crave for more and may resort to unfair means to obtain it. It is all in the mind and studying the mindset of such people may be interesting.
I personally wouldn’t mind being called a loser if a winner was defined as a person who expected to win whatever the means. Call me old fashioned but I cannot agree that the end justifies the means. At the same time I do agree that stories such as these have their own entertainment value.
I am not really sure if a person can get away with cheating and falsehood each and every time but I have no reason to doubt the story having known such a person in Jamshedpur as well. I had heard of his fraudulent dealings through reliable sources but while traveling back from Bangalore earlier this year I met a couple who had been his victims who gave me a first hand account. The man had taken 1.5 lacs from them promising admission in a reputed engineering college for their only son. The son neither got admission nor was the money returned. It is also said that the man’s wife explains to her children that their father was justified in accepting money for such services since he had the right connections. He was only charging them a ten percent commission. If the people he dealt with swallowed the money how could he be held responsible? A friend of mine talks of an acquaintance who claimed that it was not wrong to take advantage if one had the right connections.
“You are righteous under compulsion.” She’d say. “If you had the right connections you’d also make proper use of it.”
Would we? I wonder. As far as I perceive a person who cannot even make ends meet could well be honest and upright and another having all that money can buy could still crave for more and may resort to unfair means to obtain it. It is all in the mind and studying the mindset of such people may be interesting.
I personally wouldn’t mind being called a loser if a winner was defined as a person who expected to win whatever the means. Call me old fashioned but I cannot agree that the end justifies the means. At the same time I do agree that stories such as these have their own entertainment value.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Blog Award
Lalitha of starry nights has identified me as an honest blogger and has awarded me.Thank you Lalitha it is an honor.
These are the rules:
1. The winner can put the logo on their blog
2. Link the person you received your award from
3. Nominate at least 7 other blogs.
4. Put links of those blogs on yours.
5. Leave a message on the blogs you’ve nominated.
Now I have to identify seven others and the first one that comes to my mind is-
The Kid since I've been at the receiving end of his unrelenting honesty and have learnt useful lessons from him. The Kid is my first choice.
Mahadevan for his honest portrayal of people who are so important to society but whom society always takes for granted.
Kurrodu who shows genuine concern for those around him.
My own daughter Priya who doesn't mince her words when she finds something objectionable in my writing.I used to send a copy of anything I wrote to her for her candid opinion.
And of course Usha whose honest revelation of the bloopers committed at her son's wedding sent her readers rolling with laughter.
Ardra whose posts are not so frequent but each one comes straight from the heart.
Finally eve's lung whose posts never fail to impress me.Her latest post on the serial blasts in Delhi reveal her genuine concern for society.
There are others like joy,monika.rajk,dipali and so many others whose posts come straight from their hearts. i know they would have been already awarded or are likely to be awarded soon.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
The spice of life
I think I am missing something that had been part of my life till recently. The ‘nok jhok’ with MDH. Those who don’t understand what MDH stands for may quit reading further. This is a ‘Wives only’ post and you may not really appreciate it. You may not be married or even if married your relationship may be as formal as with acquaintances. My mother for one was married and yet not married. I had never heard her rave and rant about my dad’s mood swings, late hours and a hundred other things that husbands are accused of.
Twenty years back my mom was on a visit to our house and she happened to over hear a conversation between my husband and me.
“Pick up some refined oil on your way back from office. “ I said.
“I bought two kgs of it 2 weeks back. What happened to all of it?” I thought or rather I was sure that he stressed on the ‘all’ part of his comment.
“I felt thirsty and drank it up.” Was my reply.
My mother was shocked. I was certainly not the daughter she had raised. But the shock was such that try as she might she could not raise her own voice to scold me. She protested by maintaining an annoying silence. I had to literally coax her to scold me and get her displeasure out of her system. According to her no one spoke to their husbands like that.
“Times have changed and my mother in law actually encouraged me to protest when he was being unfair. Had she been alive she would have taken up for me.” I tried to reason but she refused to relent.
I agree I am just being funny. My husband and I take turns to initiate those small tiffs that add spice to a marriage. One Sunday afternoon I got up from my afternoon nap when he asked for a knife I gave him one.
“Where is the one with a red handle?”
“Why don’t you use this one?”
“Why not keep things in their proper place?”
I started looking for it but it had been put to wash in the sink.
“When are you going to learn?”
“Never in this lifetime. Pray for a better life partner in your next birth.” I certainly was not giving in.
I looked for all the knives in the house and tied them up together and put them alongside his set of screw drivers and said
“Pick up the knife of your choice and place it back after use in your toolbox. I am not taking responsibility for any of those. I am getting myself a new set.”
Within an hour the entire set returned to my kitchen. They certainly did not walk back.
While I agree that we quarrel and patch up like children in their pre teens, these little ‘nok jhoks’ have actually helped us bond. He is the one who wakes me up and accompanies me on my morning walk. I beg to be allowed a little more sleep but he treats me like an overgrown schoolgirl and refuses to give in. I try to find excuses to return fast. He insists on a full hours of walking though I am the one with BP and sugar.
However, jokes apart, there is one aspect of married life that leaves me wondering. The mantras recited and repeated during a marriage ceremony clearly state that a wife ought to be considered a ‘sakhi’ or friend and yet Indian women far from being treated as equals are trained to smile even when abused. I have a friend whose husband provides well for her and gives her a lot of freedom. Yet the slightest provocation, not necessarily by his wife, has him hurl abuses at her. He drags her parents and her upbringing into the conversation. She does not say a word in protest and justifies his behavior by saying that he is otherwise good but does not realize what he says when he loses his temper.
“I do point out that his behavior hurts me. He accepts his mistake and apologizes in private. I can’t expect him to do it in public. It would be far too humiliating.” This is her explanation.
Was it not humiliating for her when he insulted her in front of others?
“Men are like that only” ---------
This is an accepted fact. But are they? I may be wrong but I feel society expects them to behave like that just as it expects women to take abuses and insults in their stride.
A girl in our neighborhood rang up a social activist at 11:30 in the night to say that in a fit of uncontrollable rage her husband had beaten up his parents and came chasing after her. She had managed to flee to the terrace and locked the connecting door. He was banging the door asking to be let in. She had the good sense to carry her mobile phone with her. The social worker lived some 10 kilometers from her house. Luckily the DSP had been briefed about her case and when contacted he sent a constable to their house and the situation was brought under control. The husband apologized the next day and the girl was asked not to provoke him when he was angry.
Why is it that we advise our daughters and sisters to be patient? Why not advise our men folk to treat the ladies in their family with respect? While I enjoyed the books by Amy Tan and Khalid Hosseni both the books dealt with violence against women in two Asian countries and left me depressed for days. There are cases of women ill treating their men and sons ill treating their parents. I wonder if the arrangement in Western countries is better.
I started my post in a light note and have ended it on a more serious one. Women education and empowerment was meant to bring about a balance in society. But has it perhaps disturbed it more than balancing it? Is society not yet mature enough to address the social, financial and emotional needs of a woman?
Twenty years back my mom was on a visit to our house and she happened to over hear a conversation between my husband and me.
“Pick up some refined oil on your way back from office. “ I said.
“I bought two kgs of it 2 weeks back. What happened to all of it?” I thought or rather I was sure that he stressed on the ‘all’ part of his comment.
“I felt thirsty and drank it up.” Was my reply.
My mother was shocked. I was certainly not the daughter she had raised. But the shock was such that try as she might she could not raise her own voice to scold me. She protested by maintaining an annoying silence. I had to literally coax her to scold me and get her displeasure out of her system. According to her no one spoke to their husbands like that.
“Times have changed and my mother in law actually encouraged me to protest when he was being unfair. Had she been alive she would have taken up for me.” I tried to reason but she refused to relent.
I agree I am just being funny. My husband and I take turns to initiate those small tiffs that add spice to a marriage. One Sunday afternoon I got up from my afternoon nap when he asked for a knife I gave him one.
“Where is the one with a red handle?”
“Why don’t you use this one?”
“Why not keep things in their proper place?”
I started looking for it but it had been put to wash in the sink.
“When are you going to learn?”
“Never in this lifetime. Pray for a better life partner in your next birth.” I certainly was not giving in.
I looked for all the knives in the house and tied them up together and put them alongside his set of screw drivers and said
“Pick up the knife of your choice and place it back after use in your toolbox. I am not taking responsibility for any of those. I am getting myself a new set.”
Within an hour the entire set returned to my kitchen. They certainly did not walk back.
While I agree that we quarrel and patch up like children in their pre teens, these little ‘nok jhoks’ have actually helped us bond. He is the one who wakes me up and accompanies me on my morning walk. I beg to be allowed a little more sleep but he treats me like an overgrown schoolgirl and refuses to give in. I try to find excuses to return fast. He insists on a full hours of walking though I am the one with BP and sugar.
However, jokes apart, there is one aspect of married life that leaves me wondering. The mantras recited and repeated during a marriage ceremony clearly state that a wife ought to be considered a ‘sakhi’ or friend and yet Indian women far from being treated as equals are trained to smile even when abused. I have a friend whose husband provides well for her and gives her a lot of freedom. Yet the slightest provocation, not necessarily by his wife, has him hurl abuses at her. He drags her parents and her upbringing into the conversation. She does not say a word in protest and justifies his behavior by saying that he is otherwise good but does not realize what he says when he loses his temper.
“I do point out that his behavior hurts me. He accepts his mistake and apologizes in private. I can’t expect him to do it in public. It would be far too humiliating.” This is her explanation.
Was it not humiliating for her when he insulted her in front of others?
“Men are like that only” ---------
This is an accepted fact. But are they? I may be wrong but I feel society expects them to behave like that just as it expects women to take abuses and insults in their stride.
A girl in our neighborhood rang up a social activist at 11:30 in the night to say that in a fit of uncontrollable rage her husband had beaten up his parents and came chasing after her. She had managed to flee to the terrace and locked the connecting door. He was banging the door asking to be let in. She had the good sense to carry her mobile phone with her. The social worker lived some 10 kilometers from her house. Luckily the DSP had been briefed about her case and when contacted he sent a constable to their house and the situation was brought under control. The husband apologized the next day and the girl was asked not to provoke him when he was angry.
Why is it that we advise our daughters and sisters to be patient? Why not advise our men folk to treat the ladies in their family with respect? While I enjoyed the books by Amy Tan and Khalid Hosseni both the books dealt with violence against women in two Asian countries and left me depressed for days. There are cases of women ill treating their men and sons ill treating their parents. I wonder if the arrangement in Western countries is better.
I started my post in a light note and have ended it on a more serious one. Women education and empowerment was meant to bring about a balance in society. But has it perhaps disturbed it more than balancing it? Is society not yet mature enough to address the social, financial and emotional needs of a woman?
Friday, September 05, 2008
Happy Teacher's Day - 2
A teacher's success ought to be measured not by the results obtained by the bright ones but rather by every little step taken by the weaker ones towards their betterment."
This is what I wrote in my post on Teacher's Day. I am glad to be able to share some good news. I had mentioned Manisha and Madhumita in this post of mine. Today Manisha is a confident young woman and is doing Mass Communication in Pune.She managed a high second class and bugged the life out of her dad to allow her to leave for Pune. Her brothers supported her and the few years she spent with us have indeed boosted her confidence. Madhumita is doing M.Sc in a local college. Her family could not afford to send her out of town. She plans to do B.Ed after her post grad course and with her experience and temperament I am sure she'd make a fine teacher.
I had mentioned about a batch of students in this post of mine. I am glad to say that over 80% of them have got a first division. Three got selected for a BPO job in Gurgaon where they'd get to do part time MBA. Only one of them joined. The other two are doing MBA in the Extension Center of Sikkim Manipal University and others are either preparing for CAT or Bank exams.
I don't take credit for their good performance. It is their success story. If as a department we have been able to motivate these students we have every reason to celebrate Teacher's Day.
A teacher should not only teach which she/he would do anyway. A teacher should be instrumental in preparing her/his student to meet life's challenges. I attended the orientation meeting at my son's school following his KG admission and was impressed by an anecdote narrated by the Vice Principal. It is something like this.
A mother told her child's teacher that now that her son had joined a regular school she had to start teaching him.
"Hurry up" the teacher said "you are already late. A child starts learning from the day he/she is born."
How very true! A teacher is paid to teach but each one of us whether parents or not are being watched, analyzed and observed by these little ones. Don't be surprised if they take it on themselves to teach you a lesson or two.
Happy Teacher's Day!
This is what I wrote in my post on Teacher's Day. I am glad to be able to share some good news. I had mentioned Manisha and Madhumita in this post of mine. Today Manisha is a confident young woman and is doing Mass Communication in Pune.She managed a high second class and bugged the life out of her dad to allow her to leave for Pune. Her brothers supported her and the few years she spent with us have indeed boosted her confidence. Madhumita is doing M.Sc in a local college. Her family could not afford to send her out of town. She plans to do B.Ed after her post grad course and with her experience and temperament I am sure she'd make a fine teacher.
I had mentioned about a batch of students in this post of mine. I am glad to say that over 80% of them have got a first division. Three got selected for a BPO job in Gurgaon where they'd get to do part time MBA. Only one of them joined. The other two are doing MBA in the Extension Center of Sikkim Manipal University and others are either preparing for CAT or Bank exams.
I don't take credit for their good performance. It is their success story. If as a department we have been able to motivate these students we have every reason to celebrate Teacher's Day.
A teacher should not only teach which she/he would do anyway. A teacher should be instrumental in preparing her/his student to meet life's challenges. I attended the orientation meeting at my son's school following his KG admission and was impressed by an anecdote narrated by the Vice Principal. It is something like this.
A mother told her child's teacher that now that her son had joined a regular school she had to start teaching him.
"Hurry up" the teacher said "you are already late. A child starts learning from the day he/she is born."
How very true! A teacher is paid to teach but each one of us whether parents or not are being watched, analyzed and observed by these little ones. Don't be surprised if they take it on themselves to teach you a lesson or two.
Happy Teacher's Day!
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
"Brilliant Weblog Award".
Usha has a way of placing high hopes on me and has decided to give me the "Brilliant Weblog Award". this is given to sites and blogs that are smart and brilliant both in their content and their design. I feel puffed up and let me tell you that I've gained 2 kgs by weight and 4" by height at least in my mind. Alas if only the height part had been possible!!
The rules are:
1. When you receive the prize you must write a post showing it,together with the name of who has given it to you, and link them back
2. Choose a minimum of 7 blogs (or even more) that you find brilliant in their content or design.
3. Show their names and links and leave them a comment informing they were prized with ‘Brilliant Weblog’
4. Show a picture of those who awarded you and those you give the prize
(optional).
5. And pass it on!
Now I need to pass this award to bloggers of my choice who I consider brilliant.
So I pass on this award to-
1. Tys on ice who makes his readers laugh first and think later.
2. Madhumita for being the brilliant wife who takes on Tys.
3. Vishesh for the lovely poetry he writes.
4. Renu who can switch topics and make each one interesting.
5. Alapana for simply being herself-self assured and matured with a brilliant taste for music.
6. Srijith who made me change my opinion on men being an insensitive lot.
7. Finally Lalitha of starry nights whose posts never cease to amaze me.
These are bloggers who have bonded with me like family.There are others too and each of them have impressed for the brilliance of their posts. Some have already been awarded and the rest are bound to be identified soon.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Happy Teacher's Day
With the teacher's day around the corner I felt inclined to do some introspection and tried to figure out why this profession has failed to charm the younger generation and why we face a dearth of devoted teachers even in urban areas. I am afraid I have no solution to offer and most of my questions remain unanswered.
There was a time when fathers had no time for their children and mothers being either uneducated or too busy with their household responsibilities found little or no time to check out if their wards were even able to understand what was being taught to them. Tuitions were unheard of and schools coached the weak students after class at a nominal cost. This was the practice in my college too. It was the whole and sole responsibility of the teacher to see to it that the student understood the basics of a subject.
Years later I happened to overhear the conversation between two mothers and it was something like this-
"My daughter has written the same answer that she had written in her class work copy. The teacher has marked it right in her note book and wrong in the unit test. I dare not question her since she may single out my child and demoralise her."
The other one added-
"I encouraged my daughter to think for herself and write in her own words but her teacher struck off the answer and gave her a zero."
According to these ladies the only solution was to send their children for tuition to the concerned teacher.
To be frank I was shocked. I had not faced any problem with my children's teachers nor did I pore into their copies checking each answer. But that was some 20 years back. Had times really changed that much? Was there a communication gap between parents, students and teachers? With educated parents taking serious note of their children's progress were the teachers off loading their responsibilities and expecting parents to do their work? Were they really and truly haressing students who did not opt to be coached by them for a hefty fee?
As a teacher in a college I don't have the responsibilities associated with school teachers. But I wish to say a few things in their defence.
School teachers are over worked and under a lot of pressure to complete the syllabus. However, that does not entitle them to tick a wrong answer and cross a right one. The simpler solution would be to discuss the answers in class encouraging students to actively participate in the discussion. Copies could be exchanged and trust me when I say that they would be quick to point out mistakes in their friend's answer.
Very often when a student tries to answer in her own words she is unable to express herself and ends up writing the opposite of what she means to say. But awarding a zero is no solution. The class should be involved and weak students should be encouraged to express themselves. Usually the more intelligent students are encouraged to dominate the discussion leaving the weaker ones to fend for themselves. A teacher's success ought to be measured not by the results obtained by the bright ones but rather by every little step taken by the weaker ones towards their betterment.
Teachers and students are not isolated pockets of society. They are complimentary factors in need of constant interaction. They talk of teachers being over worked and underpaid. But better pay has never ensured better work. Motivation for teachers should come from elsewhere. Let us take time to think how it may be achieved. I have a few ideas and maybe I'll take it up later.
There was a time when fathers had no time for their children and mothers being either uneducated or too busy with their household responsibilities found little or no time to check out if their wards were even able to understand what was being taught to them. Tuitions were unheard of and schools coached the weak students after class at a nominal cost. This was the practice in my college too. It was the whole and sole responsibility of the teacher to see to it that the student understood the basics of a subject.
Years later I happened to overhear the conversation between two mothers and it was something like this-
"My daughter has written the same answer that she had written in her class work copy. The teacher has marked it right in her note book and wrong in the unit test. I dare not question her since she may single out my child and demoralise her."
The other one added-
"I encouraged my daughter to think for herself and write in her own words but her teacher struck off the answer and gave her a zero."
According to these ladies the only solution was to send their children for tuition to the concerned teacher.
To be frank I was shocked. I had not faced any problem with my children's teachers nor did I pore into their copies checking each answer. But that was some 20 years back. Had times really changed that much? Was there a communication gap between parents, students and teachers? With educated parents taking serious note of their children's progress were the teachers off loading their responsibilities and expecting parents to do their work? Were they really and truly haressing students who did not opt to be coached by them for a hefty fee?
As a teacher in a college I don't have the responsibilities associated with school teachers. But I wish to say a few things in their defence.
School teachers are over worked and under a lot of pressure to complete the syllabus. However, that does not entitle them to tick a wrong answer and cross a right one. The simpler solution would be to discuss the answers in class encouraging students to actively participate in the discussion. Copies could be exchanged and trust me when I say that they would be quick to point out mistakes in their friend's answer.
Very often when a student tries to answer in her own words she is unable to express herself and ends up writing the opposite of what she means to say. But awarding a zero is no solution. The class should be involved and weak students should be encouraged to express themselves. Usually the more intelligent students are encouraged to dominate the discussion leaving the weaker ones to fend for themselves. A teacher's success ought to be measured not by the results obtained by the bright ones but rather by every little step taken by the weaker ones towards their betterment.
Teachers and students are not isolated pockets of society. They are complimentary factors in need of constant interaction. They talk of teachers being over worked and underpaid. But better pay has never ensured better work. Motivation for teachers should come from elsewhere. Let us take time to think how it may be achieved. I have a few ideas and maybe I'll take it up later.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Back again
After a reasonably hectic schedule i am now back to blogging. What did this break mean to me? Well the arrival of a grand daughter on the 26th of June meant the world to me having become a g'mom for the fourth time. 'Mool se sood pyara' is a famous saying and how true it is I now understand. So as my family grows I continue to enjoy grandmotherhood.I don't remember ever carrying my children on my back but i did make an exception of my grand daughter Megha and enjoyed myself thoroughly! I got to read a few good books and I'd recommend 'The kitchen God's wife' by Amy Tan to all of you. On the flip side however I found every useful item out of order.The fridge didn't work, the battery of my car had to be changed, the mixer flopped at the most inopportune moment and the TV cannot be repaired easily since Thompson TV does not have a service centre here and we are at the mercy of a mechanic who promises to get it repaired but hasn't done it yet. To add to my woes I was nursing a stiff neck and couldn't take a day off 'cos i had used up all my leave. In a way a messy house and useless gadgets were welcome because I kept raving and ranting but did not find time to miss my g'kids too much.Now that I am better I've started worrying about them. So that's all for now. Lavanya, what's the news from your end?And madhu and Monika how are your lil' ones doing? More in my next post.
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
Tagged............
My Favorite Literary Characters.
Rajani has tagged me to write about my favorite literary characters. I am not much into reading these days but do have a small list.
Howard Roark- The highly independent minded architect cum hero of Ian Rand’s ‘The Fountainhead.’ Can’t think of anyone quite like him. Hats off to Ian Rand for creating him.
Atticus- The sweetest father one can have is portrayed so well in Harper Lee’s ‘To kill a mocking bird.’ I read the book years after I lost my dad and found myself missing him more after I read the book and comparing his role in my life with that of Atticus in shaping his children’s lives.
Mandakini- The heroine in Maitrayee Pushpa’s book ‘Idanna mamaha’. The girl’s mother marries another man after her father’s death leaving her paternal grandmother to look after her and returns to visit her years later when she doesn’t even remember the mother’s face. She is brought up with all kinds of negative feelings about her mother. Yet the way she takes up for her would put any thinking individual to shame. At least I did not look at it that way. In this cruel world where a woman is judged at every step the balanced nature shown by Mandakini through out the story stands apart. Maitrayee Pushpa needs to be commended since Mandakini is actually her mouthpiece.
Hassan- Like Rajani I was more impressed by Hassan than Amir in the ‘Kite Runner’ by Hosseni. Such devotion and loyalty! Hard to believe. I shed a few quiet tears for Hassan and wished that he had not died in the end.
Peggoty- The plump maid in Charles Dicken’s David Copperfield who loved him soooo much. As a child I felt happy that she was there for David.
Kundavai- The Chola princess in Kalki’s ‘Ponniyin Selvan. Her intelligence, grace and administrative skills as portrayed in the story served as an inspiration to my young mind. My mother being weak sighted we had read out the story so many times to her and each time we enjoyed it as if we were reading it for the first time.
Heathcliff- I don’t mean his character in Wuthering Heights. There was a sequel written to it by a different author titled ‘Retun to Wuthering Heights’. Unfortunately I forget the name of the author. I’ll check it when I go back since I borrowed it from our college library. The justice done to the character is such that instead of hating the perpetrator of misery to the Earnshaw family you actually end up admiring him for the strength of character. I found the sequel much more interesting than the original.
There are a few others but I’ve forgotten the name of the author or the book so I stop right here.
I tag hillg’mom and Usha to carry this forward.
Rajani has tagged me to write about my favorite literary characters. I am not much into reading these days but do have a small list.
Howard Roark- The highly independent minded architect cum hero of Ian Rand’s ‘The Fountainhead.’ Can’t think of anyone quite like him. Hats off to Ian Rand for creating him.
Atticus- The sweetest father one can have is portrayed so well in Harper Lee’s ‘To kill a mocking bird.’ I read the book years after I lost my dad and found myself missing him more after I read the book and comparing his role in my life with that of Atticus in shaping his children’s lives.
Mandakini- The heroine in Maitrayee Pushpa’s book ‘Idanna mamaha’. The girl’s mother marries another man after her father’s death leaving her paternal grandmother to look after her and returns to visit her years later when she doesn’t even remember the mother’s face. She is brought up with all kinds of negative feelings about her mother. Yet the way she takes up for her would put any thinking individual to shame. At least I did not look at it that way. In this cruel world where a woman is judged at every step the balanced nature shown by Mandakini through out the story stands apart. Maitrayee Pushpa needs to be commended since Mandakini is actually her mouthpiece.
Hassan- Like Rajani I was more impressed by Hassan than Amir in the ‘Kite Runner’ by Hosseni. Such devotion and loyalty! Hard to believe. I shed a few quiet tears for Hassan and wished that he had not died in the end.
Peggoty- The plump maid in Charles Dicken’s David Copperfield who loved him soooo much. As a child I felt happy that she was there for David.
Kundavai- The Chola princess in Kalki’s ‘Ponniyin Selvan. Her intelligence, grace and administrative skills as portrayed in the story served as an inspiration to my young mind. My mother being weak sighted we had read out the story so many times to her and each time we enjoyed it as if we were reading it for the first time.
Heathcliff- I don’t mean his character in Wuthering Heights. There was a sequel written to it by a different author titled ‘Retun to Wuthering Heights’. Unfortunately I forget the name of the author. I’ll check it when I go back since I borrowed it from our college library. The justice done to the character is such that instead of hating the perpetrator of misery to the Earnshaw family you actually end up admiring him for the strength of character. I found the sequel much more interesting than the original.
There are a few others but I’ve forgotten the name of the author or the book so I stop right here.
I tag hillg’mom and Usha to carry this forward.
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
Tagged Again
Hill g'mom tagged me to reveal the kind of person I happen to be. Here I go-
I am: Not what I thought I was. I recently realized that I too am very sensitive tho’ I’ve never really admitted it even to myself. Despite claims of being light hearted and thick skinned I am a very sensitive person who broods for days over minor issues.
I think: a lot about the future our children are likely to face. The polluted environment, unhealthy competition and a general omission of childhood with toddlers graduating into mini adults. I wonder if the fault lies with us.
I know: that nothing changes much but would like to keep trying all the same..
I want:a peaceful life in the days ahead.
I have: no regrets about the life gone by. There were trying time but they only made life spicier.
I wish: universal brotherhood.
I hate: arguments. I personally feel they serve no real purpose..
I miss: my childhood when my dad was alive. I also miss the quiet confidence of my mother.
I fear: the loss of a loved one.
I feel: there is more to life than petty disputes over non – issues. Why can’t we just move without having to prove a point at every step?
I hear: that the present generation is better equipped to deal with life. If it is indeed so I welcome it with an open mind ask them to correct me if I err. I shall try to to accomadate their views.
I smell: the bhindi sabji I just made.
I crave: for sweets now that it is banned.
I search:like hill g’mom I look for my glasses on a regular basis and get scolded by my husband who produces it from nowhere.
I wonder: if life ends here or if there are other lives where one can atone for grave mistakes. I am all the more curious since I read a book by the psychoanalyst Brian Wiess.
I regret: not having taken better care of myself. It is not very pleasant having hypertension and high sugar.
I love: the sound of rain particularly if it eases out a dry spell.....
I ache: same as hillg’mom-in all my leg joints after being inactive for a bit
I care: for everything but not in an obsessive way.
I am not: I think I’ll let that pass since my answer to the first question already deals with it.
I believe: no human being is created bad.
I dance: I have a flat foot so dancing is out.
I sing: I do not sing except when no one is around. But I love music and musicals.
I cry : easily sometimes for no real reason.Melodramatic movies would move me to tears and once I had at least ten people hushing me up
I don’t always : agree with others but I rarely show it. I believe that each one is entitled to his/her views.
I fight : my tears more than ever before.
I write: whatever comes to my mind.
I win: sometimes but lose more often.
I lose: my cool when I have to deal with injustice
I never: form a first opinion about a person. I wait to know the person better.
I always: enjoy the rare occasion that I get to spend with my brothers and sister.
I confuse: people's faces.
I listen: to the other point of view and try to balance opinions.
I can usually be found: at home after college.
I am scared: that my husband may precede me to the after world.The thought of spending my last days alone terrifies me.
I need: my time and space after a hectic schedule.
I am happy: an earlier response answers that one. I am also happy that I took up my job when I did. I have very good friends who are like family.
I invite anyone interested to take up this tag.
I am: Not what I thought I was. I recently realized that I too am very sensitive tho’ I’ve never really admitted it even to myself. Despite claims of being light hearted and thick skinned I am a very sensitive person who broods for days over minor issues.
I think: a lot about the future our children are likely to face. The polluted environment, unhealthy competition and a general omission of childhood with toddlers graduating into mini adults. I wonder if the fault lies with us.
I know: that nothing changes much but would like to keep trying all the same..
I want:a peaceful life in the days ahead.
I have: no regrets about the life gone by. There were trying time but they only made life spicier.
I wish: universal brotherhood.
I hate: arguments. I personally feel they serve no real purpose..
I miss: my childhood when my dad was alive. I also miss the quiet confidence of my mother.
I fear: the loss of a loved one.
I feel: there is more to life than petty disputes over non – issues. Why can’t we just move without having to prove a point at every step?
I hear: that the present generation is better equipped to deal with life. If it is indeed so I welcome it with an open mind ask them to correct me if I err. I shall try to to accomadate their views.
I smell: the bhindi sabji I just made.
I crave: for sweets now that it is banned.
I search:like hill g’mom I look for my glasses on a regular basis and get scolded by my husband who produces it from nowhere.
I wonder: if life ends here or if there are other lives where one can atone for grave mistakes. I am all the more curious since I read a book by the psychoanalyst Brian Wiess.
I regret: not having taken better care of myself. It is not very pleasant having hypertension and high sugar.
I love: the sound of rain particularly if it eases out a dry spell.....
I ache: same as hillg’mom-in all my leg joints after being inactive for a bit
I care: for everything but not in an obsessive way.
I am not: I think I’ll let that pass since my answer to the first question already deals with it.
I believe: no human being is created bad.
I dance: I have a flat foot so dancing is out.
I sing: I do not sing except when no one is around. But I love music and musicals.
I cry : easily sometimes for no real reason.Melodramatic movies would move me to tears and once I had at least ten people hushing me up
I don’t always : agree with others but I rarely show it. I believe that each one is entitled to his/her views.
I fight : my tears more than ever before.
I write: whatever comes to my mind.
I win: sometimes but lose more often.
I lose: my cool when I have to deal with injustice
I never: form a first opinion about a person. I wait to know the person better.
I always: enjoy the rare occasion that I get to spend with my brothers and sister.
I confuse: people's faces.
I listen: to the other point of view and try to balance opinions.
I can usually be found: at home after college.
I am scared: that my husband may precede me to the after world.The thought of spending my last days alone terrifies me.
I need: my time and space after a hectic schedule.
I am happy: an earlier response answers that one. I am also happy that I took up my job when I did. I have very good friends who are like family.
I invite anyone interested to take up this tag.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Hello..........!!!
Hi,
For those who did not read my comment in the last post, I am currently in California spending time with my daughter and her kids. Daughter no.2 that is. She has just been hooded for a Ph.D degree and expects to submit her work by December.I'll be busy for the next two months and will get back to writing once I return to India in August. Till then I'll peep into the blogworld and try to catch up with your writings as and when possible but may not contribute much. Take care and we'll enjoy more 'gupshap' later
For those who did not read my comment in the last post, I am currently in California spending time with my daughter and her kids. Daughter no.2 that is. She has just been hooded for a Ph.D degree and expects to submit her work by December.I'll be busy for the next two months and will get back to writing once I return to India in August. Till then I'll peep into the blogworld and try to catch up with your writings as and when possible but may not contribute much. Take care and we'll enjoy more 'gupshap' later
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Happy Mother's Day.
Happy Mother's Day to all of you super moms in the blogworld.Hat's off to each of you since you are dealing with a competitive world and rearing children is becoming harder by the day. Our times were easier than yours Since we had modest means we could not afford to have high hopes.I remember my father in law saying-
"I was not a graduate but I've managed to educate my children upto the undergrad level"
'So what??' I thought.
Today I may say 'I've given my children a professional education -a career oriented one'
My DIL would perhaps say 'So what's so great about it?' and this would go on and on.
Motherhood is not about how ambitious one is with regards to their chilren's future.It is about preparing them to slow down and relax. My friend's dad would say "Driving fast is no achievement. You press the accelerator and the vehicle speeds off. You should know to apply brakes at the appropriate time."
Yes driving is more about your capability of applying brakes. So in this harsh world let your children slow down a bit and appreciate all the good things around them.
Let them interact with those less privileged. They will value the good things that they have and learn not to look down upon the less fortunate among them.
Let them appreciate the beauty of nature. They will learn to conserve it.
Teach them the importance of physical labor. It will keep them fit and fine.
Encourage them to help those in need. It will make them generous human beings.
Allow them to work on their own. They may not become batch toppers. It will boost their confidence level which is definitely more important.
It is not necessary to provide them with every comfort in life. Let them work for at least a few of them.
Being ambitious is not wrong at all. Just know where to draw the line. It is not easy to say 'NO' when you have the means. We were better off that way. My son was in his first year at college when he asked us fo money to buy a second hand motorcycle.
"Who will pay for petrol?" I demanded.
"S...... has a motorcycle and his parents work in your college. They allow him to have a motorized vehicle. Please find out from them who pays for petrol in his case."
I was glad to have less money and it was easier for me to reject his application outright. This became evident when i spoke to S.......'s mother.
"He is our only son and we found it difficult to say 'no'. We spend sleepless nights thinking of the possibility of a road accident. I wish i had been strong enough to refuse at the very beginning."
Young mother's out there and other's like Lavanya who are in anticipation of the arrival of their little one have a great 'Mother's Day. It is not my intention to dampen your spirits. Just a piece of advice. Older mother's like me who have become grand mothers or likely to become one soon let us all act as checks and balances to our children. After all it is only for their own good and they are bound to understand it sooner or later. Let us celebrate the day by all means. Let us also understand the responsibilities associated with it.
"I was not a graduate but I've managed to educate my children upto the undergrad level"
'So what??' I thought.
Today I may say 'I've given my children a professional education -a career oriented one'
My DIL would perhaps say 'So what's so great about it?' and this would go on and on.
Motherhood is not about how ambitious one is with regards to their chilren's future.It is about preparing them to slow down and relax. My friend's dad would say "Driving fast is no achievement. You press the accelerator and the vehicle speeds off. You should know to apply brakes at the appropriate time."
Yes driving is more about your capability of applying brakes. So in this harsh world let your children slow down a bit and appreciate all the good things around them.
Let them interact with those less privileged. They will value the good things that they have and learn not to look down upon the less fortunate among them.
Let them appreciate the beauty of nature. They will learn to conserve it.
Teach them the importance of physical labor. It will keep them fit and fine.
Encourage them to help those in need. It will make them generous human beings.
Allow them to work on their own. They may not become batch toppers. It will boost their confidence level which is definitely more important.
It is not necessary to provide them with every comfort in life. Let them work for at least a few of them.
Being ambitious is not wrong at all. Just know where to draw the line. It is not easy to say 'NO' when you have the means. We were better off that way. My son was in his first year at college when he asked us fo money to buy a second hand motorcycle.
"Who will pay for petrol?" I demanded.
"S...... has a motorcycle and his parents work in your college. They allow him to have a motorized vehicle. Please find out from them who pays for petrol in his case."
I was glad to have less money and it was easier for me to reject his application outright. This became evident when i spoke to S.......'s mother.
"He is our only son and we found it difficult to say 'no'. We spend sleepless nights thinking of the possibility of a road accident. I wish i had been strong enough to refuse at the very beginning."
Young mother's out there and other's like Lavanya who are in anticipation of the arrival of their little one have a great 'Mother's Day. It is not my intention to dampen your spirits. Just a piece of advice. Older mother's like me who have become grand mothers or likely to become one soon let us all act as checks and balances to our children. After all it is only for their own good and they are bound to understand it sooner or later. Let us celebrate the day by all means. Let us also understand the responsibilities associated with it.
Monday, May 05, 2008
Heartfelt..........
It is long since I posted anything in my blog and decided to write something today. I never knew that I too would run out of topic one day. Talkative person that I am I always have some piece of information to share. Not so today. I am just going to write about things that come to my mind in the very order that they make an entry to my mind. But wait. I am not sure if I should heed my head or heart. I think I’ll listen to my heart first.
We have in our apartment complex two old ladies and a gentleman who have lost their life partners and their plight disheartens me. Old age is described as second childhood and my father in law had his fair share of it in his interaction with my children. I’ve referred to it in this post of mine. It was his good luck that he had the pleasure. These days old age is not what it was 20 years back. It is spent aimlessly watching TV programs and waiting for occasional visits and phone calls from one’s children. It helps to have one’s spouse around. My husband and me have fights over who monopolizes the TV and which of is more badly organized. He expects me to keep track of his doctor’s prescription and I make him look for my spectacles almost every day.
“I am getting myself a new TV” I keep announcing but I never ever do it. I perhaps plan to cling to this excuse for picking up a fight with him when I feel bored. When on the rare occasion that he is away and I have the TV to myself I hardly switch it on. But when he sits in front of the TV changing channels I feel like snatching the remote and throwing it out of the house. Are we perhaps entering into the second childhood phase of our lives?
When I think of the ladies and gentleman mentioned earlier I wonder how they might be dealing with the loneliness in their lives. The man lost his wife so suddenly that we could not believe the news when we heard it. He lost his eyesight while in service on account of high blood sugar and it was his wife who took care of him. It was common sight to see her escorting him for a chat session with his friends and taking him home after about an hour or so. She suffered a heat stroke and passed away before anyone realized how serious she was. The previous evening she called me up to ask our milkman to deliver milk since she was too exhausted to go and fetch it. The next morning she was gone.
How did she have the heart to leave me behind and move on? He wailed.
We had no answer.
One of the ladies lost her husband two years ago. He had rheumatic arthritis and his legs were misshapen and curved like a bow. Together they would walk to a homeopathy clinic for treatment. They have 3 sons but for reasons best known to them, they stayed alone. The lady was too old to cook and relied on domestic help to cook them a meal. On days that the cook absented herself they would eat fruits and drink milk. He finally passed away. She regularly visits her son and daughter in law but continues to stay alone. She feels a misfit in their home.
I sometime wonder if we are perhaps heading in the wrong direction. Joint families of yester years are unheard of today. But is it fair that old people should be allowed to live alone despite their frail health and meager bank balance. I know that I would want to lead my life the way I want as far as possible. But if I am left with no choice and have to move in with my children would I be able to adjust? Will I be treated as a family member when I do? Who should adjust and how much? Will it be too late then?
Earlier people supported large families and were unable to put away enough funds to support them in their old age. Not so today. Is this perhaps the reason that adjustment problems are common these days? When money is no longer the problem what else is reason for the attitudinal change in society? Schools encourage their students to celebrate grand parent’s day and a day is marked out for grand parents to visit their grand children’s school as celebrity guests and I hear that the function is a grand success. Shouldn’t there be more occasions for the older generation to interact and feel accepted?
We have in our apartment complex two old ladies and a gentleman who have lost their life partners and their plight disheartens me. Old age is described as second childhood and my father in law had his fair share of it in his interaction with my children. I’ve referred to it in this post of mine. It was his good luck that he had the pleasure. These days old age is not what it was 20 years back. It is spent aimlessly watching TV programs and waiting for occasional visits and phone calls from one’s children. It helps to have one’s spouse around. My husband and me have fights over who monopolizes the TV and which of is more badly organized. He expects me to keep track of his doctor’s prescription and I make him look for my spectacles almost every day.
“I am getting myself a new TV” I keep announcing but I never ever do it. I perhaps plan to cling to this excuse for picking up a fight with him when I feel bored. When on the rare occasion that he is away and I have the TV to myself I hardly switch it on. But when he sits in front of the TV changing channels I feel like snatching the remote and throwing it out of the house. Are we perhaps entering into the second childhood phase of our lives?
When I think of the ladies and gentleman mentioned earlier I wonder how they might be dealing with the loneliness in their lives. The man lost his wife so suddenly that we could not believe the news when we heard it. He lost his eyesight while in service on account of high blood sugar and it was his wife who took care of him. It was common sight to see her escorting him for a chat session with his friends and taking him home after about an hour or so. She suffered a heat stroke and passed away before anyone realized how serious she was. The previous evening she called me up to ask our milkman to deliver milk since she was too exhausted to go and fetch it. The next morning she was gone.
How did she have the heart to leave me behind and move on? He wailed.
We had no answer.
One of the ladies lost her husband two years ago. He had rheumatic arthritis and his legs were misshapen and curved like a bow. Together they would walk to a homeopathy clinic for treatment. They have 3 sons but for reasons best known to them, they stayed alone. The lady was too old to cook and relied on domestic help to cook them a meal. On days that the cook absented herself they would eat fruits and drink milk. He finally passed away. She regularly visits her son and daughter in law but continues to stay alone. She feels a misfit in their home.
I sometime wonder if we are perhaps heading in the wrong direction. Joint families of yester years are unheard of today. But is it fair that old people should be allowed to live alone despite their frail health and meager bank balance. I know that I would want to lead my life the way I want as far as possible. But if I am left with no choice and have to move in with my children would I be able to adjust? Will I be treated as a family member when I do? Who should adjust and how much? Will it be too late then?
Earlier people supported large families and were unable to put away enough funds to support them in their old age. Not so today. Is this perhaps the reason that adjustment problems are common these days? When money is no longer the problem what else is reason for the attitudinal change in society? Schools encourage their students to celebrate grand parent’s day and a day is marked out for grand parents to visit their grand children’s school as celebrity guests and I hear that the function is a grand success. Shouldn’t there be more occasions for the older generation to interact and feel accepted?
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Tag story.
Usha seems to place hopes on me by tagging me. I do hope that I haven’t let her down. After weeks spent in depression this was a welcome change.
Last Movie You Saw In A Theater:
Theatre?? What’s that??
What Book Are You Reading:
’The Better Man by Anita Nair. I should have finished it long ago but the summer heat has disrupted my concentration.
Favorite Board Game:
Would you call Ludo a board game? I loved it as a child and would love a game even now.
Favourite Magazine:
Reader’s Digest any day.
Favorite Smells:
Smell of gram flour after a baby’s bath, smell of asafetida when rasam simmers, smell of powdered cardamom and of course my favorite kadambam and jasmine flowers that I get to smell when I visit temples in the south.
Favorite Sound:
Birds chirping at dawn, the silence that follows a torrential rainfall, the merry laughter of a 3 month old baby.
Worst Feeling In The World:
The feeling that sooner rather than later we humans may not find time for others in distress.
Favorite Fast Food Place:
Never relished fast food except golgappa from a vendor in college.
Future Child's Name:
I did not name my own children and don’t entertain hopes of naming my grandchildren. That is the privilege of the parents. A privilege that was denied to me.
Finish This Statement. "If I Had A Lot Of Money I'd...”
…….. contribute towards ensuring two square meals for at least for growing children.
Do You Drive Fast?
No. I do not dare to.
Do You Sleep With A Stuffed Animal?
No.
Storms-Cool Or Scary
Neither. They are part of life whether actual or figurative.
What Was Your First Car?
Maruti Alto in pearl grey. Likely to be my only car.
Favourite drink:
Buttermilk, lemon tea.
Finish This Statement, "If I Had The Time I Would .....”
I don’t want to have time. How then would I find excuses for unfinished jobs. I’d always like to need ‘just 10 minutes.
Do You Eat The Stems On Broccoli?
I don’t know about broccoli but cauliflower stems taste good.
If You Could Dye Your Hair Any Color, What Would Be Your Choice?
Black of course.
Name All The Different Cities/Towns You Have Lived In.
Chennai as a baby, Coimbatore when I started school, Mumbai, Meerut(middle school), Coonoor(High School), Tiruchi (college) Gobichettipalayam before marriage and finally Jamshedpur since 1973.
Favorite Sports To Watch:
One day Cricket when India is winning.
One Nice Thing About The Person Who Sent This To You:Words fail me.
What's Under Your Bed?
3 wooden doors dismantled when we replaced them with syntax ones. No takers. Just gathering dust. Offered to donate them to a Nursing home. People won’t even take it for free. :–((
Would You Like To Be Born As Yourself Again?
I consulted a ‘naadi josiyan’ who reads one’s past from palm leaves and he said that I was born to rich parents in Sri Lanka in my previous birth. My brother consulted a different person who said the same about him. Looks as if we are destined to be born as ourselves. So I think I have no choice. Jokes apart I don’t believe in rebirth.
Morning Person Or Night Owl?
Morning person.Can’t remain awake after 11 at night.
Over Easy Or Sunny Side Up?
I don't think I understan the question
Favorite Place To Relax:
The park near my house.
Favorite Pie:
Never tried. May be I did but I don’t remember the taste.
Favorite Ice Cream Flavor:
Strawberry,Chocolate ummm……..all flavors really.
Of All The People You Tagged This To, Who's Most Likely To Respond First?
I’ve disappointed Usha by taking this much of time. So I cannot really say. But I tag eve’s lung and dipali and want to see who’d do it first. My guess is………… I’ll keep it for later.
Last Movie You Saw In A Theater:
Theatre?? What’s that??
What Book Are You Reading:
’The Better Man by Anita Nair. I should have finished it long ago but the summer heat has disrupted my concentration.
Favorite Board Game:
Would you call Ludo a board game? I loved it as a child and would love a game even now.
Favourite Magazine:
Reader’s Digest any day.
Favorite Smells:
Smell of gram flour after a baby’s bath, smell of asafetida when rasam simmers, smell of powdered cardamom and of course my favorite kadambam and jasmine flowers that I get to smell when I visit temples in the south.
Favorite Sound:
Birds chirping at dawn, the silence that follows a torrential rainfall, the merry laughter of a 3 month old baby.
Worst Feeling In The World:
The feeling that sooner rather than later we humans may not find time for others in distress.
Favorite Fast Food Place:
Never relished fast food except golgappa from a vendor in college.
Future Child's Name:
I did not name my own children and don’t entertain hopes of naming my grandchildren. That is the privilege of the parents. A privilege that was denied to me.
Finish This Statement. "If I Had A Lot Of Money I'd...”
…….. contribute towards ensuring two square meals for at least for growing children.
Do You Drive Fast?
No. I do not dare to.
Do You Sleep With A Stuffed Animal?
No.
Storms-Cool Or Scary
Neither. They are part of life whether actual or figurative.
What Was Your First Car?
Maruti Alto in pearl grey. Likely to be my only car.
Favourite drink:
Buttermilk, lemon tea.
Finish This Statement, "If I Had The Time I Would .....”
I don’t want to have time. How then would I find excuses for unfinished jobs. I’d always like to need ‘just 10 minutes.
Do You Eat The Stems On Broccoli?
I don’t know about broccoli but cauliflower stems taste good.
If You Could Dye Your Hair Any Color, What Would Be Your Choice?
Black of course.
Name All The Different Cities/Towns You Have Lived In.
Chennai as a baby, Coimbatore when I started school, Mumbai, Meerut(middle school), Coonoor(High School), Tiruchi (college) Gobichettipalayam before marriage and finally Jamshedpur since 1973.
Favorite Sports To Watch:
One day Cricket when India is winning.
One Nice Thing About The Person Who Sent This To You:Words fail me.
What's Under Your Bed?
3 wooden doors dismantled when we replaced them with syntax ones. No takers. Just gathering dust. Offered to donate them to a Nursing home. People won’t even take it for free. :–((
Would You Like To Be Born As Yourself Again?
I consulted a ‘naadi josiyan’ who reads one’s past from palm leaves and he said that I was born to rich parents in Sri Lanka in my previous birth. My brother consulted a different person who said the same about him. Looks as if we are destined to be born as ourselves. So I think I have no choice. Jokes apart I don’t believe in rebirth.
Morning Person Or Night Owl?
Morning person.Can’t remain awake after 11 at night.
Over Easy Or Sunny Side Up?
I don't think I understan the question
Favorite Place To Relax:
The park near my house.
Favorite Pie:
Never tried. May be I did but I don’t remember the taste.
Favorite Ice Cream Flavor:
Strawberry,Chocolate ummm……..all flavors really.
Of All The People You Tagged This To, Who's Most Likely To Respond First?
I’ve disappointed Usha by taking this much of time. So I cannot really say. But I tag eve’s lung and dipali and want to see who’d do it first. My guess is………… I’ll keep it for later.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Random musings
Here's wishing all of you a happy Ram Navami, Poila Baishak, Tamil,Punjabi New year and wonderful days ahead for every good reason one can think of. The last two months haven't been good with my sister in law falling sick and my colleague and friend's husband being victim of rash driving and finally succumbing to his head injury despite the best efforts of his treating doctors.
Jamshedpur being a small town it was wonderful to see so many joining the family in their moment of grief with each one treating his death as a personal loss. It is quite another thing that Dr. N....., fondly referred to as 'doctor sahib' has been good to everyone around him and if the family knew 25% of his good deeds the remaining 75% was revealed when he was in a coma in CCU. Strangers walked up to his wife and recounted the manner in which they were helped by him. Among them were rickshaw pullers, washermen, teastall owners and so many others from the lower rungs of society for whom he had a kind word and pleasant smile. He never charged them for treatment and they considered him an incarnation of God.A power cut in their neighborhood? Water scarcity in the medical college hostel? Mess food not being relished by the students? Our doctor sahib was there to tackle the problem.The list is endless.My faith in the prevalence and dominance of good over evil is reinforced and death being the only certainity in the world each one of us should try to rise above trivial matters since we cannot take with us anything more valuable than the good will of people nor can we leave behind anything worthier than pleasant memories of kindness and compassion shown during our lifetime.
While I feel lousy about doctor sahib's death and how upsetting it is going to be for his wife and family to cope with the loss I am equally annoyed with the manner in which our youngsters drive - particularly those who drive high speed motorcycles.
Young man in a hurry, did you for a moment realize what you have done due to your reckless driving? The doctor was returning from his morning walk happily chatting with his friends. It was a routine that he followed religiously and encouraged in his patients including me. It was only 06:15 in the morning and ours is a sleepy town. You banged into a second motorcyclist and he dashed into an unsuspecting victim. Eye witnesses claim that it took you a second to escape but you've caused the death of a man so useful to society depriving his wife of the many years of togetherness that they might have shared.
Parents of teenagers why are you in a hurry to buy that brat of yours a motorized vehicle? Can you not wait till he becomes responsible enough to handle the pressure of safe driving? Why do you let him drive a geared vehicle even if it means that his licence had to be obtained by greasing palms and he thinks that the hero in the Hindi movie that he watched actually performs the stunts when they are nothing but camera tricks.
Finally civil servants who issue licences, policemen who ought to keep a check on these teenagers as well as people like you and me who are silent spectators are all responsible for every life that is lost in this manner. It is easy to say that it was his destiny. Was it? Will this explanation satisfy his children who would have wanted him to see them reach for the skies?
I am sorry if I have put you off. My sister in law is improving and I thank each of you for including her in you prayers. I was hoping to be able to say the same about doctor sahib. Unfortunately the injury was massive and nothing could be done. Be careful each one of you I want all of you in tact. Whether behind the steering or before it there is truth in what my husband says - "Never mind what the other person does. It is your duty to watch out." Take care and God bless you all.
Jamshedpur being a small town it was wonderful to see so many joining the family in their moment of grief with each one treating his death as a personal loss. It is quite another thing that Dr. N....., fondly referred to as 'doctor sahib' has been good to everyone around him and if the family knew 25% of his good deeds the remaining 75% was revealed when he was in a coma in CCU. Strangers walked up to his wife and recounted the manner in which they were helped by him. Among them were rickshaw pullers, washermen, teastall owners and so many others from the lower rungs of society for whom he had a kind word and pleasant smile. He never charged them for treatment and they considered him an incarnation of God.A power cut in their neighborhood? Water scarcity in the medical college hostel? Mess food not being relished by the students? Our doctor sahib was there to tackle the problem.The list is endless.My faith in the prevalence and dominance of good over evil is reinforced and death being the only certainity in the world each one of us should try to rise above trivial matters since we cannot take with us anything more valuable than the good will of people nor can we leave behind anything worthier than pleasant memories of kindness and compassion shown during our lifetime.
While I feel lousy about doctor sahib's death and how upsetting it is going to be for his wife and family to cope with the loss I am equally annoyed with the manner in which our youngsters drive - particularly those who drive high speed motorcycles.
Young man in a hurry, did you for a moment realize what you have done due to your reckless driving? The doctor was returning from his morning walk happily chatting with his friends. It was a routine that he followed religiously and encouraged in his patients including me. It was only 06:15 in the morning and ours is a sleepy town. You banged into a second motorcyclist and he dashed into an unsuspecting victim. Eye witnesses claim that it took you a second to escape but you've caused the death of a man so useful to society depriving his wife of the many years of togetherness that they might have shared.
Parents of teenagers why are you in a hurry to buy that brat of yours a motorized vehicle? Can you not wait till he becomes responsible enough to handle the pressure of safe driving? Why do you let him drive a geared vehicle even if it means that his licence had to be obtained by greasing palms and he thinks that the hero in the Hindi movie that he watched actually performs the stunts when they are nothing but camera tricks.
Finally civil servants who issue licences, policemen who ought to keep a check on these teenagers as well as people like you and me who are silent spectators are all responsible for every life that is lost in this manner. It is easy to say that it was his destiny. Was it? Will this explanation satisfy his children who would have wanted him to see them reach for the skies?
I am sorry if I have put you off. My sister in law is improving and I thank each of you for including her in you prayers. I was hoping to be able to say the same about doctor sahib. Unfortunately the injury was massive and nothing could be done. Be careful each one of you I want all of you in tact. Whether behind the steering or before it there is truth in what my husband says - "Never mind what the other person does. It is your duty to watch out." Take care and God bless you all.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Split minds-Contd.
This is part two of my previous post. As I had mentioned let me credit the women who took it on themselves to deal with these men.
Preeti was shattered and heart broken on her return from her honeymoon with Montu. Her trip to Darjeeling was a disastrous nightmare that she preferred to forget like a bad dream. Her family was enraged and rightly so. No one believed that Montu’s parents were unaware of their son’s mental condition. They accused them of deliberately ruining their daughter’s life. A divorce is the only answer they said. Preeti went back to her parent’s place to think of her future with or without Montu. She was glad to have family support and Montu was almost a stranger theirs being an arranged marriage. Two months later she surprised everyone by announcing that she wanted to give her marriage a try provided Montu’s parents co-operated and stood by her. She was just 25 years old and was under no compulsion-societal or otherwise. Today Montu has been given treatment and a transfer to a place closer to his parent’s place and between them Preeti and her mother in law take care of Montu and now have a baby boy who is the center of attraction. Montu is not a normal husband but Preeti has learnt to deal with him and her mother in law loves her for it. I understand how difficult it must have been for her to take the decision. With everything in their favor we have girls who crib and complain and here we have girls like Preeti who have such mental maturity and strength. Hat’s off my child! You’ve made your parent’s proud.
Rajan’s mother was just the simple Indian mother of the early sixties. Those were days when marriage was the answer to all problems. A wayward son? Get him married. Short tempered? Gambler? Unemployed? Marriage would make him responsible. And so what if it did not? A wife had to tolerate the most atrocious behavior and smile on top of it. So when she dissuaded her husband from continuing negotiations and adopted a ‘wait and watch’ approach she was actually displaying a practical mind without letting her emotions influence her. It was not easy. No one wants to believe the worst. She must have prayed hard that her assumptions be proved wrong. But she preferred to accept the bitter truth than to spoil the life of an unsuspecting girl.
Finally Raman’s sister in law Prabha who was initially heartily disliked by his family since she did not belong to their community in the strictest sense. She was a Brahmin alright but she spoke a different language. There is a saying ‘teen Brahmin,terah chulhe’ meaning every sub sect among brahmin’s considers its group to be the best and refuse to eat food cooked by the rest. Then disaster struck. Raman’s unmarried brother died and his mother had to move in with the surviving son and unwanted daughter in law. She too died a year later. For the past 24 years Prabha has been taking care of Raman and he in turn helps her out with house work. He loves his niece and she reciprocates in equal measure. Uncle and niece share a rapport that has to be seen to be believed. I can understand a mother caring for a son or a sister being sympathetic towards a brother. A wife bonding with her husband may be a little more difficult but a sister in law forgetting the insult heaped upon her and gladly offering her schizophrenic brother in law a home and treating him with the respect and affection he deserves is something different. We may not be able to emulate her but the least that can be done is to appreciate her as the unsung heroine of our times.
Preeti was shattered and heart broken on her return from her honeymoon with Montu. Her trip to Darjeeling was a disastrous nightmare that she preferred to forget like a bad dream. Her family was enraged and rightly so. No one believed that Montu’s parents were unaware of their son’s mental condition. They accused them of deliberately ruining their daughter’s life. A divorce is the only answer they said. Preeti went back to her parent’s place to think of her future with or without Montu. She was glad to have family support and Montu was almost a stranger theirs being an arranged marriage. Two months later she surprised everyone by announcing that she wanted to give her marriage a try provided Montu’s parents co-operated and stood by her. She was just 25 years old and was under no compulsion-societal or otherwise. Today Montu has been given treatment and a transfer to a place closer to his parent’s place and between them Preeti and her mother in law take care of Montu and now have a baby boy who is the center of attraction. Montu is not a normal husband but Preeti has learnt to deal with him and her mother in law loves her for it. I understand how difficult it must have been for her to take the decision. With everything in their favor we have girls who crib and complain and here we have girls like Preeti who have such mental maturity and strength. Hat’s off my child! You’ve made your parent’s proud.
Rajan’s mother was just the simple Indian mother of the early sixties. Those were days when marriage was the answer to all problems. A wayward son? Get him married. Short tempered? Gambler? Unemployed? Marriage would make him responsible. And so what if it did not? A wife had to tolerate the most atrocious behavior and smile on top of it. So when she dissuaded her husband from continuing negotiations and adopted a ‘wait and watch’ approach she was actually displaying a practical mind without letting her emotions influence her. It was not easy. No one wants to believe the worst. She must have prayed hard that her assumptions be proved wrong. But she preferred to accept the bitter truth than to spoil the life of an unsuspecting girl.
Finally Raman’s sister in law Prabha who was initially heartily disliked by his family since she did not belong to their community in the strictest sense. She was a Brahmin alright but she spoke a different language. There is a saying ‘teen Brahmin,terah chulhe’ meaning every sub sect among brahmin’s considers its group to be the best and refuse to eat food cooked by the rest. Then disaster struck. Raman’s unmarried brother died and his mother had to move in with the surviving son and unwanted daughter in law. She too died a year later. For the past 24 years Prabha has been taking care of Raman and he in turn helps her out with house work. He loves his niece and she reciprocates in equal measure. Uncle and niece share a rapport that has to be seen to be believed. I can understand a mother caring for a son or a sister being sympathetic towards a brother. A wife bonding with her husband may be a little more difficult but a sister in law forgetting the insult heaped upon her and gladly offering her schizophrenic brother in law a home and treating him with the respect and affection he deserves is something different. We may not be able to emulate her but the least that can be done is to appreciate her as the unsung heroine of our times.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Split minds
Preeti was a fun loving, happy go lucky girl till about three years back. Her marriage to Montu changed everything. No, it was not the usual MIL/DIL clash. Her mom in law treated her at par with her own daughter and her only sister in law was happily married and being 8 years older treated her like a kid sister. Financial problems were non existent and her father in law was still working and was the sort of person who would not remain idle even after retirement. So where was the problem or was her problem an imagined one? Her husband’s mental condition was questionable despite the fact that he had a good job as an Area manager in an MNC. His parents were not at fault. They had not realized that the occasional temper tantrums and aggressive behavior shown by him were indicative of a split mind and needed medical counseling and treatment for life if his condition prevailed or deteriorated. Symptoms of schizophrenia showed up after marriage when he seriously accused his wife of having an affair and insisted that there was a third person visiting her after he went to sleep and began to keep her under lock and key.
Ganesh was a brilliant metallurgist who was accepted for a Ph. D program in England with full scholarship. His mother was planning to get him married. He had a charming personality and a soft temperament and no girl with her head on her shoulders would have any problem adjusting with him. A telegram from England shattered their hopes. He was being flown back to India because he had been diagnosed schizophrenic. He had been unable to complete his research work and all he had to show for his seven year stint in England was a thick note book with scribbling that he insisted was poetry. He was unable to tell them what went wrong.
Rajan was a bank officer in his early twenties. His uncle offered his daughter’s hand in marriage to him. He refused saying that she was like a sister to him. He had practically grown up with her. His father arranged for him to visit athe family of a girl in Secunderabad to see their daughter as the first step to further marriage negotiations. His mother accompanied him. She noticed that all was not well with him. He smiled and chuckled to himself and appeared to talk to some invisible person. She refused to get him married although he was keen and how right she was! Two years later Rajan left his job in the bank and came home for ever. He had been diagnosed as being schizophrenic.
Gayatri was a happily married woman with two children-both boys. The older son was good at his studies while the younger one was average. At a family function the younger son was seen showing a photocopy of his 10th standard board mark sheet to the guests. He had obtained 69% but kept telling people that he had obtained 96%. Everyone took it to be his idea of a joke. Two months later he was on medication for schizophrenia and hasn’t fully recovered. Gayatri insists that he was never compared with his older brother nor had they ever rebuked him for his mediocre results. They understood that all children did not possess the same level of intelligence and were glad that had never failed an exam.
Finally Raman who was a qualified engineer working in the Railways. While applying for the job he had mentioned that he had a first division in all the examinations passed. The truth was otherwise. He had obtained a high second class in Engineering. He tried to overwrite his marks in the original mark sheet and when the mark sheets were being scrutinized he pretended that he had forgotten to bring them. His performance in the interview was good so he was given provisional appointment on condition that he submitted his original mark sheets for scrutiny within 3 months. As time lapsed he began to panic and unable to stand the pressure he attempted suicide and finally resigned his job. He is also on medication for schizophrenia.
All such examples show that a perfectly normal person can be a victim of a split mind and anything yes ANYTHING could act as a trigger. I wanted to high light two things through this post of mine. First, the role played by the family and its importance to the affected person. Second, the stand taken by the women in some of these cases as my tribute to these unsung heroines as my contribution to the International Women’s day celebrations. Since both aspects need to be dealt with in some detail I’ll stick to one at a time. So I take up the first one in this post. I’ll continue with the second aspect later.
Coming to family support-
When a person is declared schizophrenic the family is shattered and takes time to accept the situation. They tend to keep their anguish and agony to themselves. And why not? Wagging tongues and prying relatives may do nothing to alleviate their agony but would be the first to offer unsolicited advice and put on a ‘know all’ air.
“All this treatment is useless I say. Waste of money. That’s all. I knew a person who was treated so badly at the asylum that he ran away from there…….” And this goes on and on.
I agree it is difficult but the sooner one comes to terms with the situation and starts therapy the better for all concerned including the affected person.
A schizophrenic person needs regular medicines. Very often the family cannot afford it and just manages with half the prescribed dose. I hear that there are health centers where such patients can be treated as outpatients at nominal cost and medicines are sold at subsidized rates. But everyone seems to be short of time. This is where the extended family can help. They can take turns to take the person to such clinics. Often it is seen that a person’s treatment is abandoned midway. We don’t see people doing so for physical ailments. Blood pressure, blood sugar etc also need to be monitored and once medication is started it continues for life. Is schizophrenia any different? I feel that the government also needs to pay more attention and offer medicines to these patients either free of cost or at subsidized rates.
Most schizophrenics aren’t eccentric all the time. They are quite capable of doing routine work. Parents need to be supportive but over protection will not help. They need to be given vocational training and made to do some work. Oh yes, I agree that the person was bank officer before he fell ill. But if he is now just capable of working in a grocery shop handing out goods to customers, so be it. Doing a little work and involving some regularity will go a long way in helping them to lead a near normal life. There is nothing to be ashamed of as long as the job is an honest one. And please don’t regard them with contempt even if you cannot help them out.
Finally, it is only pure coincidence that the examples I gave were all men. I have no idea if men are more affected than women. I have personally interacted with three of them and have heard about the other two from reliable sources. Be it as it may, my only request is that the next time you see such a person remember the person he was and try to do your bit to include him in society.
Ganesh was a brilliant metallurgist who was accepted for a Ph. D program in England with full scholarship. His mother was planning to get him married. He had a charming personality and a soft temperament and no girl with her head on her shoulders would have any problem adjusting with him. A telegram from England shattered their hopes. He was being flown back to India because he had been diagnosed schizophrenic. He had been unable to complete his research work and all he had to show for his seven year stint in England was a thick note book with scribbling that he insisted was poetry. He was unable to tell them what went wrong.
Rajan was a bank officer in his early twenties. His uncle offered his daughter’s hand in marriage to him. He refused saying that she was like a sister to him. He had practically grown up with her. His father arranged for him to visit athe family of a girl in Secunderabad to see their daughter as the first step to further marriage negotiations. His mother accompanied him. She noticed that all was not well with him. He smiled and chuckled to himself and appeared to talk to some invisible person. She refused to get him married although he was keen and how right she was! Two years later Rajan left his job in the bank and came home for ever. He had been diagnosed as being schizophrenic.
Gayatri was a happily married woman with two children-both boys. The older son was good at his studies while the younger one was average. At a family function the younger son was seen showing a photocopy of his 10th standard board mark sheet to the guests. He had obtained 69% but kept telling people that he had obtained 96%. Everyone took it to be his idea of a joke. Two months later he was on medication for schizophrenia and hasn’t fully recovered. Gayatri insists that he was never compared with his older brother nor had they ever rebuked him for his mediocre results. They understood that all children did not possess the same level of intelligence and were glad that had never failed an exam.
Finally Raman who was a qualified engineer working in the Railways. While applying for the job he had mentioned that he had a first division in all the examinations passed. The truth was otherwise. He had obtained a high second class in Engineering. He tried to overwrite his marks in the original mark sheet and when the mark sheets were being scrutinized he pretended that he had forgotten to bring them. His performance in the interview was good so he was given provisional appointment on condition that he submitted his original mark sheets for scrutiny within 3 months. As time lapsed he began to panic and unable to stand the pressure he attempted suicide and finally resigned his job. He is also on medication for schizophrenia.
All such examples show that a perfectly normal person can be a victim of a split mind and anything yes ANYTHING could act as a trigger. I wanted to high light two things through this post of mine. First, the role played by the family and its importance to the affected person. Second, the stand taken by the women in some of these cases as my tribute to these unsung heroines as my contribution to the International Women’s day celebrations. Since both aspects need to be dealt with in some detail I’ll stick to one at a time. So I take up the first one in this post. I’ll continue with the second aspect later.
Coming to family support-
When a person is declared schizophrenic the family is shattered and takes time to accept the situation. They tend to keep their anguish and agony to themselves. And why not? Wagging tongues and prying relatives may do nothing to alleviate their agony but would be the first to offer unsolicited advice and put on a ‘know all’ air.
“All this treatment is useless I say. Waste of money. That’s all. I knew a person who was treated so badly at the asylum that he ran away from there…….” And this goes on and on.
I agree it is difficult but the sooner one comes to terms with the situation and starts therapy the better for all concerned including the affected person.
A schizophrenic person needs regular medicines. Very often the family cannot afford it and just manages with half the prescribed dose. I hear that there are health centers where such patients can be treated as outpatients at nominal cost and medicines are sold at subsidized rates. But everyone seems to be short of time. This is where the extended family can help. They can take turns to take the person to such clinics. Often it is seen that a person’s treatment is abandoned midway. We don’t see people doing so for physical ailments. Blood pressure, blood sugar etc also need to be monitored and once medication is started it continues for life. Is schizophrenia any different? I feel that the government also needs to pay more attention and offer medicines to these patients either free of cost or at subsidized rates.
Most schizophrenics aren’t eccentric all the time. They are quite capable of doing routine work. Parents need to be supportive but over protection will not help. They need to be given vocational training and made to do some work. Oh yes, I agree that the person was bank officer before he fell ill. But if he is now just capable of working in a grocery shop handing out goods to customers, so be it. Doing a little work and involving some regularity will go a long way in helping them to lead a near normal life. There is nothing to be ashamed of as long as the job is an honest one. And please don’t regard them with contempt even if you cannot help them out.
Finally, it is only pure coincidence that the examples I gave were all men. I have no idea if men are more affected than women. I have personally interacted with three of them and have heard about the other two from reliable sources. Be it as it may, my only request is that the next time you see such a person remember the person he was and try to do your bit to include him in society.
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
Dealing with step children
I meant to write about step mothers long back but was rather pre occupied with my SIL’s illness first and white washing and painting of our flat drove me crazy and my mind stopped functioning temporarily. I’d return to a messy house, sweep and clean till 9 in the evening and go to bed exhausted. The white washing is not over. Only three fourth done but the painter has vanished. His mobile is switched off whenever we call him so we’ve learnt to live with a verandah in a jammed state with the ladders and stools used by them and the other full of paint brushes and half used paint cans and what not. We’ve paid the fellow only 50% of the amount agreed upon so even if he has started work elsewhere he will definitely come for his money. Either we do not know to extract work or come across as people who can be taken for granted (Fools, perhaps?). I was therefore perpetually out of sorts and just couldn’t type a word let alone a post.
Coming to the point I feel step mothers are a maligned lot. With Snow White and Cinderella being ill treated by their step moms and David Copperfield having to face the wrath of a step father I was sympathetic to any child who might have lost his/her mother and had to deal with a step father. Widow re - marriage was rare during my growing years so I never gave a thought to the possibility of a person being ill treated by a step father. That happened in foreign countries I felt. As a teenager I had the unfortunate opportunity of witnessing the manner in which our cook Kalyani mami treated her step son. The boy stole money from our house and ran away much to our relief.
My first impression about step mothers changed when a neighbor and good friend of mine B…….. died a pre mature death when her sari accidentally caught fire. Her son was just seven years old when she passed away and her husband re-married within 3 months. The family shifted to a new location and I happened to meet them 4 years later. The girl who replaced B…….. was a gem and treated her step son with the same affection that she reserved for her own daughter. The boy reciprocated in a similar manner and I found myself hoping praying that others in the extended family let them be. Very often it is these others who poison children’s minds but luckily it was not so here. The boy is now a qualified engineer and I hear that he is as fond of his step mother as he might have been if B……… had been alive.
A P was just 4 years old when her mother died and her younger brother was not yet one. Her father re – married. Her maternal grandmother filled her mind with negative thoughts about her step mother.
“Mummy” asked the girl “will you change when a baby brother is born? Nani says so.”
“Never my child. I’d love you and Chotu always. Why would I want another child?” said her step mother. And she did not stop with saying so. She convinced her husband and had her tubes tied and never had children of her own. AP was our student some 10 years back. Today she has a good job and her step mother takes care of her children while she works. She has grown up to be a confident young woman and when her husband lost his temper during the initial years of their marriage she stood up to him saying that her mother would stand by her and she was certainly not putting up with his nonsensical behavior. He has mended his ways since. How many young girls can say so about their natural mothers I wonder.
The relationship between a woman and her step children has to grow and it is for society to encourage such growth. It is not easy if the step children are old enough to understand and adopt an antagonistic attitude. However no one bothers to understand her side of the story. I do agree that there are several step mothers who never ever accept step children as their own. My heart goes out to these children who suffer in silence and never really get out of the trauma. But there are several others who accept the situation and treat their step children really well. I wanted to write in support of these women who are grossly misunderstood by society.
Coming to the point I feel step mothers are a maligned lot. With Snow White and Cinderella being ill treated by their step moms and David Copperfield having to face the wrath of a step father I was sympathetic to any child who might have lost his/her mother and had to deal with a step father. Widow re - marriage was rare during my growing years so I never gave a thought to the possibility of a person being ill treated by a step father. That happened in foreign countries I felt. As a teenager I had the unfortunate opportunity of witnessing the manner in which our cook Kalyani mami treated her step son. The boy stole money from our house and ran away much to our relief.
My first impression about step mothers changed when a neighbor and good friend of mine B…….. died a pre mature death when her sari accidentally caught fire. Her son was just seven years old when she passed away and her husband re-married within 3 months. The family shifted to a new location and I happened to meet them 4 years later. The girl who replaced B…….. was a gem and treated her step son with the same affection that she reserved for her own daughter. The boy reciprocated in a similar manner and I found myself hoping praying that others in the extended family let them be. Very often it is these others who poison children’s minds but luckily it was not so here. The boy is now a qualified engineer and I hear that he is as fond of his step mother as he might have been if B……… had been alive.
A P was just 4 years old when her mother died and her younger brother was not yet one. Her father re – married. Her maternal grandmother filled her mind with negative thoughts about her step mother.
“Mummy” asked the girl “will you change when a baby brother is born? Nani says so.”
“Never my child. I’d love you and Chotu always. Why would I want another child?” said her step mother. And she did not stop with saying so. She convinced her husband and had her tubes tied and never had children of her own. AP was our student some 10 years back. Today she has a good job and her step mother takes care of her children while she works. She has grown up to be a confident young woman and when her husband lost his temper during the initial years of their marriage she stood up to him saying that her mother would stand by her and she was certainly not putting up with his nonsensical behavior. He has mended his ways since. How many young girls can say so about their natural mothers I wonder.
The relationship between a woman and her step children has to grow and it is for society to encourage such growth. It is not easy if the step children are old enough to understand and adopt an antagonistic attitude. However no one bothers to understand her side of the story. I do agree that there are several step mothers who never ever accept step children as their own. My heart goes out to these children who suffer in silence and never really get out of the trauma. But there are several others who accept the situation and treat their step children really well. I wanted to write in support of these women who are grossly misunderstood by society.
Sunday, March 02, 2008
Mother of tags!
Rajni has tagged me to name 5 of my own posts with the following criteria: the five have to be about
1)Family
2)Friends
3)Myself
4)My Love
5)Anything I like (my favorite post)
Family-Well I have written quite a few posts about my family but this one about the trouble my children gave my ageing father in law takes me back to the time my children were in their pre teens. Why did not time stop just there? I cherish the blind faith they placed in me and do wish that we had continued so for ever.
Friends-To be frank I have not written much about my friends who have been like family to me. It seems rather strange that I should have missed writing about them. May be I will do so soon. However I have written one about a colleague who could laugh at herself and I feel I have given her due credit.
Myself-Well, well my blog is almost an autobiography with most of the posts dealing with personal experiences but ‘Striking roots’ written in 3 parts depicts me as a young bride in Jamshedpur and I cannot believe that I really felt so out of place here.
My love-My husband of course! And I love pulling his legs. I’ve done just that in this post of mine.
My favorite post-‘Living Fossil’ evoked a lot of responses and is a clear favorite. However I also like this one a lot .
I have to tag 5 others including 2 new ones. Well I do hope they haven’t done it already. I tag hillg’mom, eve’s lung and artnavy among my older friends and pooh and parijatha among the new ones. No excuses and all of you must carry this forward if you haven’t done so yet.
1)Family
2)Friends
3)Myself
4)My Love
5)Anything I like (my favorite post)
Family-Well I have written quite a few posts about my family but this one about the trouble my children gave my ageing father in law takes me back to the time my children were in their pre teens. Why did not time stop just there? I cherish the blind faith they placed in me and do wish that we had continued so for ever.
Friends-To be frank I have not written much about my friends who have been like family to me. It seems rather strange that I should have missed writing about them. May be I will do so soon. However I have written one about a colleague who could laugh at herself and I feel I have given her due credit.
Myself-Well, well my blog is almost an autobiography with most of the posts dealing with personal experiences but ‘Striking roots’ written in 3 parts depicts me as a young bride in Jamshedpur and I cannot believe that I really felt so out of place here.
My love-My husband of course! And I love pulling his legs. I’ve done just that in this post of mine.
My favorite post-‘Living Fossil’ evoked a lot of responses and is a clear favorite. However I also like this one a lot .
I have to tag 5 others including 2 new ones. Well I do hope they haven’t done it already. I tag hillg’mom, eve’s lung and artnavy among my older friends and pooh and parijatha among the new ones. No excuses and all of you must carry this forward if you haven’t done so yet.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Thank you
I am touched by the responses I received for my previous post.Thank you all for your prayers and good wishes. There were a few who commented for the first time and I feel so connected to each one of you-even those who may not have commented seemed to be with me. I am glad to say that the immediate crisis is over and my sister in law may shift out of CCU today. However she has to undergo a valve replacement in around 2 week's time and that means an open heart surgery. It is only after that can one think of treating her stroke which has now become secondary. But I have faith that she will come out of it and we will have her around for many more years to come. The family went through a bad patch but then isn't that life? please continue to pray for her and my request to each one of you is 'please don't take your health for granted. There is absolute truth in the words we used to write in friends autographs.
"When wealth is lost nothing is lst,
When health is lost something is lost,
When charater is lost everything is lost".
So take care and God bless each one of you.
"When wealth is lost nothing is lst,
When health is lost something is lost,
When charater is lost everything is lost".
So take care and God bless each one of you.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Good will and its role in life
How do you feel when nothing seems to work for you? It is quite frustrating I must say. It is only then that one realizes that when all else fails it is the good will of those around that sustains us. We worry so much about every penny spent, plan for the future and feel secure about having invested wisely and are financially secure when suddenly money has no meaning at all. Someone very close to you falls ill and you are simply helpless. Money cannot buy good health or mental peace. But luckily the world is not such a bad place to be in. Relatives and friends pitch in and the world is praying with you. Call it God, fate, chance, probability, miracle or whatever you want to call it. You want that unknown entity to take over and it is faith alone that sees you through.
This is exactly what I experienced last week. My sister in law who was more of a friend to me suffered a stroke when there was no one at home. Luckily the neighbor noticed her sitting at her door step and found her posture odd. With the help of a doctor known to her the neighbor rushed her to the hospital while trying to contact her husband. Had she fallen inside the house immediate medical aid could not have been given. I feel lousy staying so far and unable to help in the real sense having had to return after a brief visit. I wanted to save some leave to be able to help later. After all how much can one help a person who is in CCU? But I also feel hopeful that there is a guardian angel who is doing for her that which I could perhaps never do. We were planning for a retired life together. My sister in law was never too happy about my staying in Jamshedpur and had almost coaxed me to buy a house near her place last year. Whenever my children expressed concern she would assure them that she was there for us. All I want is that the prayers of well wishers helps her recover from her critical condition and she buzzes around as usual. More about how our bond was forged in a later post. Right now all I can say is that I was to her the sister she never had and she was to me a sister by marriage but in no way less important to my sister by birth. She needs all your prayers so will you join me in praying for her speedy recovery?
This is exactly what I experienced last week. My sister in law who was more of a friend to me suffered a stroke when there was no one at home. Luckily the neighbor noticed her sitting at her door step and found her posture odd. With the help of a doctor known to her the neighbor rushed her to the hospital while trying to contact her husband. Had she fallen inside the house immediate medical aid could not have been given. I feel lousy staying so far and unable to help in the real sense having had to return after a brief visit. I wanted to save some leave to be able to help later. After all how much can one help a person who is in CCU? But I also feel hopeful that there is a guardian angel who is doing for her that which I could perhaps never do. We were planning for a retired life together. My sister in law was never too happy about my staying in Jamshedpur and had almost coaxed me to buy a house near her place last year. Whenever my children expressed concern she would assure them that she was there for us. All I want is that the prayers of well wishers helps her recover from her critical condition and she buzzes around as usual. More about how our bond was forged in a later post. Right now all I can say is that I was to her the sister she never had and she was to me a sister by marriage but in no way less important to my sister by birth. She needs all your prayers so will you join me in praying for her speedy recovery?
Monday, January 28, 2008
Defending arranged marriage
I have been thinking of the way the institution called marriage has changed over the years for quite sometime now. However, I am undecided about whether it has changed for the better or worse. Who is asking me anyway? But then I have a way of talking to myself and also of taking up for the underdog. In this case I personally feel that parents of eligible bachelors and spinsters, poor souls, are at the receiving end and deserve to be considered first. It is quite another thing that I am such a parent myself but I play the role of a moderator so I exempt myself.
When I was young love marriages were frowned upon. You could be in love with your first cousin (it was very common since our community allowed such marriages) or anyone within the permissible sub-sect of one’s community but had to hope that elders in the family would find the match appropriate and initiate negotiations. If not you just married someone chosen by your parents for whatever reason and adjusted. Parents too did not bother about the boy’s pay packet or the girl’s looks but rather the reputation of the family. The girl had to ‘manage’. Marrying outside the community was a strict No, no. I talk of the majority of cases. There were a few who broke the rule and I personally knew of a college senior who married a man from the muslim community, donned a burkha and lived as his third wife in a neighboring town. No one ever saw her after that and I felt that she had made a mistake by giving up her job in the Telephone Exchange. I would not know if she was happy with the arrangement but I did feel that she could have perhaps been a little more prudent in her choice.
If this was the case of defying the rules imposed by society and family there was another example of a happily married woman in our neighborhood. Happily married? At least I thought so. She had a government job, her husband was a very normal family man and the couple had 3 children all in their pre-teens. Her mother in law looked after the children, getting them ready for school and attending to them till their mother returned from work and everything seemed fine. Yet one day the woman left them all and eloped with a colleague of hers who held a position inferior to her in the office. Years later my mother met her purely by chance. My mother sensed a kind of yearning in her for a chance to see her children and permission to interact with them once in a while. But unfortunately she could not muster courage enough to do so.
With such stories doing the rounds it was no wonder that I grew up believing that opting for love marriages was indicative of a selfish mind where one placed self interest above all else. I wish I were in a position to say arranged marriages were mostly successful. Far from it I have known brilliant minds compromising in the name of marriage and any adjustment made was often one sided.
Years rolled on and I was too involved with my career and children to pay attention to subtle changes taking place in society. Suddenly I find the world around me a changed place. Children are comfortable choosing their life partners and their choice is based on what their head says rather than the dictates of the heart. There is a lot more maturity and a willingness to adapt. All aspects are considered before taking the final plunge and we seem to be back to arranged marriage. The only difference is that it is the couple who decide on the kind of arrangement they want. Try as I might to find fault with their choice, (believe me I still try to defend the role of parents to arrange for a suitable match) I have to agree that the present generation know their mind and are capable of dealing with their lives.
But wait, I was supposed to defend the generation of parents isn’t it? Parents first objected to love marriages. Then they allowed love marriages within their immediate community but objected to anything outside it. They further graduated to the level of allowing interstate marriages as long as the couple subscribed to the same religious belief. Finally they agreed that all was acceptable as long as they were both Indians. Now with the living in relationship becoming common parents have started hoping that their children would at least marry someone and settle down and suddenly the ‘living in’ arrangement doesn’t seem too bad as long as it happened in other people’s homes! But wasn’t it the same for love marriages sometime back? Poor parents. More and more children are leaving home and settling abroad and the rest are too busy to pay attention to the emotional requirements of their parents. They dare not alienate their children lest the occasional visits and weekly phone calls stop. They still arrange their children’s marriage although in a different way.
They talk to the florist and arrange for the best flowers to be delivered on the wedding day.
They shortlist catering services and arrange for the best desi and intercontinental delicacies to be served.
They arrange for a suitable holiday resort where their children may go for their honey moon.
And finally they decide on the kind of wedding rituals they want and make suitable arrangements for the same.
Yet they complain that they were not allowed to arrange their children’s marriage!
I have to add this on a more serious note. Marriage is a gamble that is endorsed by society. It is nothing more than a workable arrangement between two individuals. Whether one listens to the dictates of the head or heart hardly matters. Whether it is an arrangement made by parents or children is immaterial. What is important is that it has to be founded on mutual respect and a willingness to make room for a certain degree of freedom and independence. After all take a look at the soaring branches of a tree and how the same source of light is successfully utilized by each and every leaf of a tree and every tree in an environment. And the root system penetrating the soil uses the same water source without disturbing the roots of neighboring vegetation. Compare roots to cultural values and spreading branches to children looking for new avenues to spread their wings. Do they not play different roles important in their own way but each occupying its own special niche thus complimenting each other?
When I was young love marriages were frowned upon. You could be in love with your first cousin (it was very common since our community allowed such marriages) or anyone within the permissible sub-sect of one’s community but had to hope that elders in the family would find the match appropriate and initiate negotiations. If not you just married someone chosen by your parents for whatever reason and adjusted. Parents too did not bother about the boy’s pay packet or the girl’s looks but rather the reputation of the family. The girl had to ‘manage’. Marrying outside the community was a strict No, no. I talk of the majority of cases. There were a few who broke the rule and I personally knew of a college senior who married a man from the muslim community, donned a burkha and lived as his third wife in a neighboring town. No one ever saw her after that and I felt that she had made a mistake by giving up her job in the Telephone Exchange. I would not know if she was happy with the arrangement but I did feel that she could have perhaps been a little more prudent in her choice.
If this was the case of defying the rules imposed by society and family there was another example of a happily married woman in our neighborhood. Happily married? At least I thought so. She had a government job, her husband was a very normal family man and the couple had 3 children all in their pre-teens. Her mother in law looked after the children, getting them ready for school and attending to them till their mother returned from work and everything seemed fine. Yet one day the woman left them all and eloped with a colleague of hers who held a position inferior to her in the office. Years later my mother met her purely by chance. My mother sensed a kind of yearning in her for a chance to see her children and permission to interact with them once in a while. But unfortunately she could not muster courage enough to do so.
With such stories doing the rounds it was no wonder that I grew up believing that opting for love marriages was indicative of a selfish mind where one placed self interest above all else. I wish I were in a position to say arranged marriages were mostly successful. Far from it I have known brilliant minds compromising in the name of marriage and any adjustment made was often one sided.
Years rolled on and I was too involved with my career and children to pay attention to subtle changes taking place in society. Suddenly I find the world around me a changed place. Children are comfortable choosing their life partners and their choice is based on what their head says rather than the dictates of the heart. There is a lot more maturity and a willingness to adapt. All aspects are considered before taking the final plunge and we seem to be back to arranged marriage. The only difference is that it is the couple who decide on the kind of arrangement they want. Try as I might to find fault with their choice, (believe me I still try to defend the role of parents to arrange for a suitable match) I have to agree that the present generation know their mind and are capable of dealing with their lives.
But wait, I was supposed to defend the generation of parents isn’t it? Parents first objected to love marriages. Then they allowed love marriages within their immediate community but objected to anything outside it. They further graduated to the level of allowing interstate marriages as long as the couple subscribed to the same religious belief. Finally they agreed that all was acceptable as long as they were both Indians. Now with the living in relationship becoming common parents have started hoping that their children would at least marry someone and settle down and suddenly the ‘living in’ arrangement doesn’t seem too bad as long as it happened in other people’s homes! But wasn’t it the same for love marriages sometime back? Poor parents. More and more children are leaving home and settling abroad and the rest are too busy to pay attention to the emotional requirements of their parents. They dare not alienate their children lest the occasional visits and weekly phone calls stop. They still arrange their children’s marriage although in a different way.
They talk to the florist and arrange for the best flowers to be delivered on the wedding day.
They shortlist catering services and arrange for the best desi and intercontinental delicacies to be served.
They arrange for a suitable holiday resort where their children may go for their honey moon.
And finally they decide on the kind of wedding rituals they want and make suitable arrangements for the same.
Yet they complain that they were not allowed to arrange their children’s marriage!
I have to add this on a more serious note. Marriage is a gamble that is endorsed by society. It is nothing more than a workable arrangement between two individuals. Whether one listens to the dictates of the head or heart hardly matters. Whether it is an arrangement made by parents or children is immaterial. What is important is that it has to be founded on mutual respect and a willingness to make room for a certain degree of freedom and independence. After all take a look at the soaring branches of a tree and how the same source of light is successfully utilized by each and every leaf of a tree and every tree in an environment. And the root system penetrating the soil uses the same water source without disturbing the roots of neighboring vegetation. Compare roots to cultural values and spreading branches to children looking for new avenues to spread their wings. Do they not play different roles important in their own way but each occupying its own special niche thus complimenting each other?
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Tag of blessings
I was tagged by hillg'mom to bless and pray for three of my blog friends and ask them to pass it on to more people thereby spreading goodwill to as many people as one can.I found the idea great something like the 'vazhga valamudan' group in Tamilnadu that prays for the welfare of mankind sending positive vibes to known and unknown people.I quote ukok who started the idea of a blessing tag and I feel inclined to bless and pray for her before anyone else 'cos in these troubled times it is very important to create universal good will and I already feel connected to her.
While it is my wish to bless all who read this blog, for the purposes of starting this little endeavour it is necessary that I ‘bless’ 3 blogfriends, who may in turn ‘bless’ 3 blogfriends.
Let’s use a simple format, and let’s make it even simpler by suggesting that the recipient simply copies and pastes above picture when they become the recipient of a bloggin blessing themselves.
The idea… it’s a game of tag with a difference, rather than looking inwardly, we look outside ourselves and bless, praise and pray for one blog friend. By participating in this endeavour we not only make the recipient of the blessing feel valued and appreciated, but we are having some fun too. We’re going to see how far the bloggin’ blessings can travel around the world and how many people can be blessed! Recipients of a bloggin’ blessing may upload the above image to their sidebar if they choose to. If you recieve a bloggin’ blessin’ please leave a comment on this thread here so that we can rejoice in just how many blessings have been sent around the world.
I've decided however to change the rule a bit and bless five bloggers instead of three as hillg'mom has done.
1.I bless vishesh because I can see that he is ready to take up a course of his choice thus taking the first step towards a great career.
2.I bless lavs who is moving towards motherhood or rather has already moved towards it and pray that her pregnancy may be safe and her bundle of joy enriches her life.
3.I bless Madhumita for the same reason as lavs and pray that she is granted the energy to deal with the 2 other children - yes I consider tys a child too.
4.I bless Usha and pray that her wish that her grand child uses the beautiful furniture in her house comes true soon.
5.I bless Itching to write and pray that she is energized enough to deal with her twin sons and continue to delight us with stories about them.
Of course my prayers and blessings are with all of you but since the chain must continue I stop here.
God bless you all.
Friday, January 25, 2008
The joy of being tagged!
Here are some things that I changed my mind about. Thanks Usha I enjoyed doing it.There is a joy in getting tagged. You run out of ideas and wonder if your readers are going to vote you out. And pop comes a tag that literally makes you think and you make a 'come back' post and feel included.Isn't that wonderful? I was going to bore you guys with teaching experience-4 or 5. Dear readers please thank Usha for saving you from the onslaught.
It is important to be liked by others.
Only to a certain extent. After that one tends to get bored to death. The ‘wicked you’ craves for an outlet and just because you are so likeable you have to literally beam at people and smile when you want to scowl. Can be rather frustrating you know. I’d rather be myself than the most liked person on earth.
Obedience is a virtue.
According to my mother, yes. She had lovely children including me who never back answered her. But then she maintained her dignity and distance. I didn’t. So I have children who started questioning me from the day they learnt to talk and despite the fact that they obey me only when they are suitably convinced I find them lovely too. So I feel obedience or lack of it hardly matters. In interpersonal relationships it is the comfort level that is of utmost importance.
People are not malicious but they become so because of bad experiences or circumstances.
It is all in the genes. People are good or bad due to the genes they inherit. It is their attitude that is at fault. They are people who fail to see the positive side in a situation and end up being mean and malicious. Luckily extremely malicious people are as rare as extremely good ones. Most of us are averages.
Education broadens our view and makes people more humane.
Education and academic qualifications are not the same. A person may be educated by/ from the experiences he is subjected to. Valuable lessons are learnt in simple interactions with those around us. One can have a string of degrees to his/her credit and yet draw a blank where human relationships are concerned.
People who have no money troubles are happier.
The lack of money does create problems that are different to those caused by an excess of it. The latter has more to do with the mind while the former is more physical. I do have to admit that the phase in my life when we faced severe financial strain is not the one that I correlate with unhappiness and misery. Touch wood we are financially better placed but there seems to be some kind of indifference that seems to have set in. Financial security has certainly not made me jump with joy. I hope that I never reach a stage when I have excess of money ‘cos I’ve seen ‘sukh rogis’ who keep worrying about a new outfit for every party they attend and the designer accessories to match their exceptionally unique ‘costumes’. I am happy wrapping a saree or suit of my choice without worrying about what others think about me and I really want ‘not a penny more, nor a penny less’. However, like Usha I did believe that people with money were happier when I was young.
As people get older they get wiser.
I know of several people who have grown old but are as immature and stupid as they were 25 years back with no control over their emotions, driving everyone else crazy. I have also seen youngsters behave in a balanced and dignified manner putting us oldies to shame. Hats off to both groups. I belong to neither. That makes me wonder - ‘Am I wise? Anywhere near it?’
You can live on love and fresh air.
May be during courtship. Since mine was a strictly arranged marriage I wouldn’t know. The first time I went out with my husband, my love was certainly not strong enough to be happy in his company. I insisted that we eat out and he settled for a kulfi. I think I still love him for it.
There is a celestial guardian angel looking after each one of us.
For several years after my father’s death I seemed to feel his presence around me, feeling happy at my achievements and guiding me when I felt low. A little before my wedding I had a dream that he had arrived with a packed suitcase saying that he wished to spend sometime with us. Over the years I’ve continued to believe that he is up there in heaven blessing and guiding us.
All living beings reincarnate.
I do not subscribe to this belief at all. It seems to endorse wickedness with the tormentor getting away with what he does expecting to be punished in a future birth and the victim accepting the torture as a punishment for past misdeeds. No sir/ma’am I am not taking this nonsense as part of my destiny. There is just one life that one lives and let us spend it in peaceful co-existence.
Heaven and Hell are places you go to after death.
I am with Usha in this. ‘No they are right here in on Earth and sometimes in one's own mind.They are not even two different things but two sides of the same thing.’
And finally
I used to believe that man was superior to animals due to his sixth sense but nowadays I feel that animals are better in that they obey the laws of nature and attack either when they are hungry or insecure. Man with his ability to reason seems to be the most unreasonable living being. How else do you explain terrorist acts directed against innocent civilians?
I used to think that Lord Krishna really visited our home on the night of Janmashtami and wanted to catch him stealing butter that my mother religiously left for him in the puja room.
And I still think that my grandfather was the best person known to me and I see God not in the idols in the temple but in my thatha who had never ever spoken ill of another fellow human being, was kind and generous to all and taught us to treat all human beings with the dignity they deserve. This is one belief that is going to be with me always.
Everyone who reads this post is tagged. But I specially invite prats, hillg’mom and madhumita to do it.
It is important to be liked by others.
Only to a certain extent. After that one tends to get bored to death. The ‘wicked you’ craves for an outlet and just because you are so likeable you have to literally beam at people and smile when you want to scowl. Can be rather frustrating you know. I’d rather be myself than the most liked person on earth.
Obedience is a virtue.
According to my mother, yes. She had lovely children including me who never back answered her. But then she maintained her dignity and distance. I didn’t. So I have children who started questioning me from the day they learnt to talk and despite the fact that they obey me only when they are suitably convinced I find them lovely too. So I feel obedience or lack of it hardly matters. In interpersonal relationships it is the comfort level that is of utmost importance.
People are not malicious but they become so because of bad experiences or circumstances.
It is all in the genes. People are good or bad due to the genes they inherit. It is their attitude that is at fault. They are people who fail to see the positive side in a situation and end up being mean and malicious. Luckily extremely malicious people are as rare as extremely good ones. Most of us are averages.
Education broadens our view and makes people more humane.
Education and academic qualifications are not the same. A person may be educated by/ from the experiences he is subjected to. Valuable lessons are learnt in simple interactions with those around us. One can have a string of degrees to his/her credit and yet draw a blank where human relationships are concerned.
People who have no money troubles are happier.
The lack of money does create problems that are different to those caused by an excess of it. The latter has more to do with the mind while the former is more physical. I do have to admit that the phase in my life when we faced severe financial strain is not the one that I correlate with unhappiness and misery. Touch wood we are financially better placed but there seems to be some kind of indifference that seems to have set in. Financial security has certainly not made me jump with joy. I hope that I never reach a stage when I have excess of money ‘cos I’ve seen ‘sukh rogis’ who keep worrying about a new outfit for every party they attend and the designer accessories to match their exceptionally unique ‘costumes’. I am happy wrapping a saree or suit of my choice without worrying about what others think about me and I really want ‘not a penny more, nor a penny less’. However, like Usha I did believe that people with money were happier when I was young.
As people get older they get wiser.
I know of several people who have grown old but are as immature and stupid as they were 25 years back with no control over their emotions, driving everyone else crazy. I have also seen youngsters behave in a balanced and dignified manner putting us oldies to shame. Hats off to both groups. I belong to neither. That makes me wonder - ‘Am I wise? Anywhere near it?’
You can live on love and fresh air.
May be during courtship. Since mine was a strictly arranged marriage I wouldn’t know. The first time I went out with my husband, my love was certainly not strong enough to be happy in his company. I insisted that we eat out and he settled for a kulfi. I think I still love him for it.
There is a celestial guardian angel looking after each one of us.
For several years after my father’s death I seemed to feel his presence around me, feeling happy at my achievements and guiding me when I felt low. A little before my wedding I had a dream that he had arrived with a packed suitcase saying that he wished to spend sometime with us. Over the years I’ve continued to believe that he is up there in heaven blessing and guiding us.
All living beings reincarnate.
I do not subscribe to this belief at all. It seems to endorse wickedness with the tormentor getting away with what he does expecting to be punished in a future birth and the victim accepting the torture as a punishment for past misdeeds. No sir/ma’am I am not taking this nonsense as part of my destiny. There is just one life that one lives and let us spend it in peaceful co-existence.
Heaven and Hell are places you go to after death.
I am with Usha in this. ‘No they are right here in on Earth and sometimes in one's own mind.They are not even two different things but two sides of the same thing.’
And finally
I used to believe that man was superior to animals due to his sixth sense but nowadays I feel that animals are better in that they obey the laws of nature and attack either when they are hungry or insecure. Man with his ability to reason seems to be the most unreasonable living being. How else do you explain terrorist acts directed against innocent civilians?
I used to think that Lord Krishna really visited our home on the night of Janmashtami and wanted to catch him stealing butter that my mother religiously left for him in the puja room.
And I still think that my grandfather was the best person known to me and I see God not in the idols in the temple but in my thatha who had never ever spoken ill of another fellow human being, was kind and generous to all and taught us to treat all human beings with the dignity they deserve. This is one belief that is going to be with me always.
Everyone who reads this post is tagged. But I specially invite prats, hillg’mom and madhumita to do it.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Teaching and learning.
I sometimes wonder whether the rules of teaching and learning have changed. For instance children seem to be fast losing interest in self study. We have students in undergrad classes who ask for a book to help them draw diagrams whereas our teachers would insist on observing the specimen and draw diagram freehand. I was myself the most unsuited candidate to take up Botany as my main subject. Till my 11th boards I’d leave blank spaces for diagrams that would seldom get filled up. Those were days when one had to opt between Biology and Mathematics and I chose the former ‘cos I wanted to try for a seat in a medical college. At the end of my Pre-university course I was so disillusioned and disappointed with Biology that I refused to even apply for a course in medicine much to my grandfather’s disappointment. Again I made a wrong choice and opted to study Botany as my Major. In the first year each practical class was a nightmare with teachers rejecting every diagram I drew and finding fault with every slide preparation. We would spend at least 2 hours each evening ‘neat lining’ our diagrams and stop once by the chapel and then turn towards the Rock fort temple to seek divine intervention before leaving for college for our record work to be signed by our teachers without much ado. The effort paid off and today my B. Sc. Record is good enough to be shown to any one for reference. I try the same with my students and with the exception of a few most wish to be given prepared notes and diagrams and if I insist, manage to remain seated in the class till the bell rang and turn in their record with neatly copied diagrams from the book which at times are very different to those actually observed. I need to be grateful to them for not boycotting my class or walking out in the midst of one.
‘Now these are students’, I tell myself. ‘They will have to learn when their turn to teach comes’. But I was surprised when a teacher had a different take in the matter.
The Ranchi University Youth Festival was nearing its conclusion and the President of the student’s union was asked to address the gathering. The young man had earlier spoken on 3 occasions in 2 days. I felt that he was a good orator and whatever he said made sense. I felt that the students’ choice had been good and here was a young man who would perhaps take genuine interest in problems facing the student community and perhaps aim at solving them. On each of these occasions he spoke in chaste Hindi and to the point. But not so this time. He opted to speak in English, perhaps goaded by friends, and it was evident that he was not in command of the language. In his enthusiasm he ended up saying the exact opposite of what he wanted to say at times. For instance instead of saying “Students lack basic facilities in some colleges” he said “students lack basic problems in some colleges”. I lamented that he could have stuck to Hindi instead of switching over to a language that he was not familiar with. A teacher from another college who was seated by my side was quick to defend him.
“Why don’t you appreciate that he is at least trying?” she said. “How will he learn if he did not try?”
“This is the concluding session of the youth festival” I said “and he is addressing the students as their president. Can he afford to be misunderstood?”
“Please remember that English is not his mother tongue and it is natural to make mistakes when one tries something new.”
I did not pursue the conversation but I was certainly confused. Students who ought to try to understand their subject and prepare their own notes resort to guess papers and student’s guides and they choose to learn a new language not by participating in debates and discussions at their college level but by addressing a gathering at the University level at the expense of being misunderstood. I was genuinely concerned over his lack of fluency and my colleague was openly appreciative of his efforts. Which of us were right?
‘Now these are students’, I tell myself. ‘They will have to learn when their turn to teach comes’. But I was surprised when a teacher had a different take in the matter.
The Ranchi University Youth Festival was nearing its conclusion and the President of the student’s union was asked to address the gathering. The young man had earlier spoken on 3 occasions in 2 days. I felt that he was a good orator and whatever he said made sense. I felt that the students’ choice had been good and here was a young man who would perhaps take genuine interest in problems facing the student community and perhaps aim at solving them. On each of these occasions he spoke in chaste Hindi and to the point. But not so this time. He opted to speak in English, perhaps goaded by friends, and it was evident that he was not in command of the language. In his enthusiasm he ended up saying the exact opposite of what he wanted to say at times. For instance instead of saying “Students lack basic facilities in some colleges” he said “students lack basic problems in some colleges”. I lamented that he could have stuck to Hindi instead of switching over to a language that he was not familiar with. A teacher from another college who was seated by my side was quick to defend him.
“Why don’t you appreciate that he is at least trying?” she said. “How will he learn if he did not try?”
“This is the concluding session of the youth festival” I said “and he is addressing the students as their president. Can he afford to be misunderstood?”
“Please remember that English is not his mother tongue and it is natural to make mistakes when one tries something new.”
I did not pursue the conversation but I was certainly confused. Students who ought to try to understand their subject and prepare their own notes resort to guess papers and student’s guides and they choose to learn a new language not by participating in debates and discussions at their college level but by addressing a gathering at the University level at the expense of being misunderstood. I was genuinely concerned over his lack of fluency and my colleague was openly appreciative of his efforts. Which of us were right?
Friday, January 11, 2008
New year tag
Sango tagged me and has asked me to reveal what I would to say to the person I was on 1st Jan.2007.A difficult one but let me try.I'll call myself pram2008 and I'd be addressing pram2007.
pram2008:you asked for just 10 minutes at the end of 2006 and you were granted a whole year.I see that you haven't moved an inch.what were you upto eh?
pram2007:I may not have moveded an inch but I've certainly gained a few pounds. isn't that something to show? After all despite my age my system is able to assimilate and store food.
pram2008:You were supposed to put your papers in order and inform your children of your investments.Have you even started on it?
pram2007:I meant to do it. Honestly. I'll do it once the weather warms up a little. It is rather cold now and that husband of mine....keeps stuffing things into different folders. He,he...... we're made for each other you see.
pram2008:what about your plans to coach a few needy children at least twice a week?
pram2007:The needy children need to be spoonfed. I hadn't done it for my children.I certainly can't encourage the practice now. It is too late in the day for me to change my ways. If they start to work on their own I am willing to work on them.I haven't given up.
pram2008:A whole year has gone by and what have you got to show apart from your age and weight?
pram2007:why not? I met artnavy,usha and eve's lung in person and spoke to ITW over the phone. After 5 years the government has relented and has declared us demonstrators and at the age of 57 I attended an interview along with youngsters who were younger than my youngest child. Why don't you recognize the optimist in me? Forever criticizing........:-((
pram2008:okay,okay. Healthy criticism has not harmed anyone and it won't harm you too. You need to grow up don't you? Afterall you are now a grandma and have 2 cute grandaughters looking up to you. you wrote a post on 'Going back in time........ You want to give your grandkids something to remember you by don't you? And please for God's sake off load all unwanted items to needy people. You have so much unwanted stuff. And stop irritating that husband of yours. He is a simple family man and let him be.
pram2007:What do you mean? The man irritates me by his constant channel surfing habit and you blame me? Ah! that reminds me. I resolve to get a new TV for myself or else I'd be pushed back to the era before TV entered our lives. Good bye!
pram2008:G'bye for now. will be back in a year's time and you better have something to show as progress.
Thanks sango. I enjoyed doing it.I think I'll ask anyone interested to carry this forward. Tys you can do a great job of it. May I tag you??
A Happy Sankaranti to all of you.
pram2008:you asked for just 10 minutes at the end of 2006 and you were granted a whole year.I see that you haven't moved an inch.what were you upto eh?
pram2007:I may not have moveded an inch but I've certainly gained a few pounds. isn't that something to show? After all despite my age my system is able to assimilate and store food.
pram2008:You were supposed to put your papers in order and inform your children of your investments.Have you even started on it?
pram2007:I meant to do it. Honestly. I'll do it once the weather warms up a little. It is rather cold now and that husband of mine....keeps stuffing things into different folders. He,he...... we're made for each other you see.
pram2008:what about your plans to coach a few needy children at least twice a week?
pram2007:The needy children need to be spoonfed. I hadn't done it for my children.I certainly can't encourage the practice now. It is too late in the day for me to change my ways. If they start to work on their own I am willing to work on them.I haven't given up.
pram2008:A whole year has gone by and what have you got to show apart from your age and weight?
pram2007:why not? I met artnavy,usha and eve's lung in person and spoke to ITW over the phone. After 5 years the government has relented and has declared us demonstrators and at the age of 57 I attended an interview along with youngsters who were younger than my youngest child. Why don't you recognize the optimist in me? Forever criticizing........:-((
pram2008:okay,okay. Healthy criticism has not harmed anyone and it won't harm you too. You need to grow up don't you? Afterall you are now a grandma and have 2 cute grandaughters looking up to you. you wrote a post on 'Going back in time........ You want to give your grandkids something to remember you by don't you? And please for God's sake off load all unwanted items to needy people. You have so much unwanted stuff. And stop irritating that husband of yours. He is a simple family man and let him be.
pram2007:What do you mean? The man irritates me by his constant channel surfing habit and you blame me? Ah! that reminds me. I resolve to get a new TV for myself or else I'd be pushed back to the era before TV entered our lives. Good bye!
pram2008:G'bye for now. will be back in a year's time and you better have something to show as progress.
Thanks sango. I enjoyed doing it.I think I'll ask anyone interested to carry this forward. Tys you can do a great job of it. May I tag you??
A Happy Sankaranti to all of you.
Sunday, January 06, 2008
Tambram customs
This being my first post for 2008, let me begin with my New Year greetings to one and all of you. We had the coldest day in five years this New Year so it was statistically an important day. However it made me curl up in bed doing nothing at all so I am afraid that it was certainly not a great way to celebrate the beginning of the new year. But I kept finding excuses the most plausible one being that I was getting on in age and long before reaching my age my MIL had handed charge of household duties to my SIL and me. I could certainly afford to curl up in bed on the coldest day of the season.
I’ll begin this year with an account of certain uniquely Tambram practices.
1. We can drink hot coffee and tea by pouring it directly into our mouth without actually sipping it. And mind you, there will certainly be no slip between the cup and the lip. The coffee will be poured straight into the throat after being cooled to a suitable temperature which is based on individual preferences and the amount of risk one is willing to take.
2. We can swab the floor moving backwards bending our bodies but not our knees and as children we were taught not to remove our hand from the floor while cleaning up the dining space on the floor till the entire area is done. We would not sprinkle water and wipe the place directly with a swab cloth. We’d first pick up left over food that may have spilled on the floor, then sprinkle water and clean it with our palm and finally wipe it dry with a swab cloth specially marked out for the purpose and finally rinse the cloth and dry it out for future use.
3. There is a custom called ‘pathu’ that was religiously followed by us till about 25 years ago but has been eased out these days. Cooked rice, dal, sabzi and other rice based salted ‘high tea’ delicacies like dosai, idli etc. were declared ‘pathu’. One had to wash one’s hand after touching these items and could not directly touch pickle, milk, curd or other food stuff. Strangely wheat preparations like puri and chapathis were exempted. Uppuma was ‘pathu’ but suji halwa was not. Deep fried items were not ‘pathu’ even if they were rice based. Like the English language where the spelling of ‘put’ and ‘but’ are similar but their pronunciation is different one had to be born a tambram to understand when one needed to wash one’s hand and when it was not required. When I say washing hands after touching certain food items I mean merely touching water with the tip of one’s fingers. I now realize that those were days when refrigeration of left over food was unheard of so all items marked out as pathu tended to spoil fast and this was a precautionary measure to prevent mixing of food.
4. ‘Palaharam’ is what we tambrams consume on days that we are supposed to fast. The variety one consumed after a whole or half a day’s fast would make our digestive machinery work overtime. Deep fried items, sweets and savory dripping with oil/ghee and a whole lot of fruits both dry and fresh would all be served to those on a fast. I’ve often wondered about this contradiction when one actually feasted instead of fasting and actually consumed more food than on normal days. I found an answer when I tried to trace the root of the word ‘palaharam’. It can be split into pala + aaharam. Pala in tamil means several (variety?) so a wide variety of food is served to compensate for the period of fasting. However it could also have meant Phala + aaharam. This means a meal based on fresh fruit. The tamil script does not distinguish between ‘pa’ and ‘pha’. So Tambrams ended up consuming variety food instead of fresh fruits. It makes sense to have fruits since the roughage it provides would clean up the system.
5. Finally the custom of ladies isolating themselves during the time they had their periods. If as one explained, it was started with the aim of allowing them rest from work why were ladies shooed off as if they were outcasts by their elders who had reached their menopause as if it was sin to even see them? Why were they served left over food saying they could be served fresh food only after the men folk and other elderly ladies had finished eating? I personally feel that the reason for starting this practice has been twisted out of context and by giving it a religious overtone women were made to feel inadequate and inferior. One possible reason could be to indirectly keep track of an unmarried girl’s periods for whatever reason.
I hear that these customs were followed in other groups too. I welcome inputs from one and all of you.
I’ll begin this year with an account of certain uniquely Tambram practices.
1. We can drink hot coffee and tea by pouring it directly into our mouth without actually sipping it. And mind you, there will certainly be no slip between the cup and the lip. The coffee will be poured straight into the throat after being cooled to a suitable temperature which is based on individual preferences and the amount of risk one is willing to take.
2. We can swab the floor moving backwards bending our bodies but not our knees and as children we were taught not to remove our hand from the floor while cleaning up the dining space on the floor till the entire area is done. We would not sprinkle water and wipe the place directly with a swab cloth. We’d first pick up left over food that may have spilled on the floor, then sprinkle water and clean it with our palm and finally wipe it dry with a swab cloth specially marked out for the purpose and finally rinse the cloth and dry it out for future use.
3. There is a custom called ‘pathu’ that was religiously followed by us till about 25 years ago but has been eased out these days. Cooked rice, dal, sabzi and other rice based salted ‘high tea’ delicacies like dosai, idli etc. were declared ‘pathu’. One had to wash one’s hand after touching these items and could not directly touch pickle, milk, curd or other food stuff. Strangely wheat preparations like puri and chapathis were exempted. Uppuma was ‘pathu’ but suji halwa was not. Deep fried items were not ‘pathu’ even if they were rice based. Like the English language where the spelling of ‘put’ and ‘but’ are similar but their pronunciation is different one had to be born a tambram to understand when one needed to wash one’s hand and when it was not required. When I say washing hands after touching certain food items I mean merely touching water with the tip of one’s fingers. I now realize that those were days when refrigeration of left over food was unheard of so all items marked out as pathu tended to spoil fast and this was a precautionary measure to prevent mixing of food.
4. ‘Palaharam’ is what we tambrams consume on days that we are supposed to fast. The variety one consumed after a whole or half a day’s fast would make our digestive machinery work overtime. Deep fried items, sweets and savory dripping with oil/ghee and a whole lot of fruits both dry and fresh would all be served to those on a fast. I’ve often wondered about this contradiction when one actually feasted instead of fasting and actually consumed more food than on normal days. I found an answer when I tried to trace the root of the word ‘palaharam’. It can be split into pala + aaharam. Pala in tamil means several (variety?) so a wide variety of food is served to compensate for the period of fasting. However it could also have meant Phala + aaharam. This means a meal based on fresh fruit. The tamil script does not distinguish between ‘pa’ and ‘pha’. So Tambrams ended up consuming variety food instead of fresh fruits. It makes sense to have fruits since the roughage it provides would clean up the system.
5. Finally the custom of ladies isolating themselves during the time they had their periods. If as one explained, it was started with the aim of allowing them rest from work why were ladies shooed off as if they were outcasts by their elders who had reached their menopause as if it was sin to even see them? Why were they served left over food saying they could be served fresh food only after the men folk and other elderly ladies had finished eating? I personally feel that the reason for starting this practice has been twisted out of context and by giving it a religious overtone women were made to feel inadequate and inferior. One possible reason could be to indirectly keep track of an unmarried girl’s periods for whatever reason.
I hear that these customs were followed in other groups too. I welcome inputs from one and all of you.
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